well i screwed up and seem to have lost 2 weeks of recent posts.

no harm done: i can't remember them myself.

i guess it is time i got serious about existing for the kosmos. after all, "it" does the same for me.

so i'll change my bumper sticker.

had a dream last night, something that i very rarely have anymore, or don't know that i do if i do. a lady and i were dancing, some kind of slow square dance, side by side and facing differant directions, rotating and slowly rising above the surface of the ground,one arm around each other's waist. don't remeber any music or others dancing. we were in a field checking out a complicated rube goldberg homemade mechanism whose purpose was to irrigate a pea patch. must have been early spring, plants had just broken ground. the mecanism to push water was powered by pedeling it as if it were a bicycle.

does the dream mean anything? i doubt it. does experiencing the dream mean anything? probably. but i not only don't know what, i don't know what by definition. intersection of the human and something not knowable by the human. clues and signs, broken symbols and bones, a vast dark - of course - plain littered with confusion, an unknown topography criss-crossed with impossible purpose or lack of purpose.

another day.

[gremlin note: just lost the most recent 4 weeks of posts; trying to get them back.]

i thought i'd have new spiffy site up by now but realised yesterday there was no way. as pseudo-prez bush says "it's hard work". i am so anxious to retire this site i may get new version up anyway up anyway, leaving in about a week for the west so i am jammed up.

on reflection i realize this is not a new condition.

so i'll try posting for a few weeks more. maybe i can come up with something to say.

been working on a 6 minute video that is starting to come together.

a paradox: the longer you live the shorter life life is. all the pain, joy, suffering, confusion, good times, bad times: blip.

a little more time and i'll filp new version of this blog out there. that means here.
but until i do i'm stuck w/ daily early morning posts. (it's how i wake up every morning - type while still asleep.

this morning i have something to say, about the word/idea of "change".

change means something new. unless it is a "change back", and even then it is new.

a change can be better or worse than what exists before the change. like the word "progress" it has acquired an implicit tone of better. ("progress" originally meant a musical harmonic progression.)

it seems to me that things will change because they always do. but what kind of change is key.

so the political brand of change doesn't mean much. what will be changed, how it will be changed can be meaningful.

to further tangle the meme "change", it has been entangled with the idea of constancy. one of the presidential debates recently had everyone involved saying that they were change agent and opponents had in the past changed their positions on this that or the other. for the last four years this has been called "flip-flopping".

so we the voters are presented with miasma of meaning which translates into any change of mind in the past is a negative but the idea of change is a positive. i won't even get into the false dichotomy of "experience' being the antonym of "change".

all of this is no more than this week's infomercial designed to entertain and divert attention from rational discourse.

it was a quick winter. snow is melting, warm weather on the way.

no picture today. in my spare time i have been working with editing a 6 minute movie and it might get finished today. i jumped in am and still splashing around.

going to join the local access station WUAR and get my hands on some hardware to do another one. someday.

am almost finished reading the border by maccartney. the second book of all the pretty horses trilogy (haven't read the first and last). this book belongs up there with the oddessy and dante's inferno IMHO.

now for what i have been dreading: a task given to me by my spiritual adviser, the hole in the wall, a list of the ten things i learned during 2007.

don't buy a camper shell one half i9nch shorter than truck bed.

every world is new by definition.

the last ten years of life are meant for experiencing a sort of happiness. there is nothing else left.

primary injunction is to know yourself.

this means becoming yourself.

this is ongoing, there is no terminating point.

once the word "idiot" meant a person who was not in a relationship with the community, sangha. now it means the opposite.

the mental world is not lost when it has become a train wreck.

reality cannot be measured, seen, or understood.

it can be accepted as mystery.

it snowed last night. very cold today and colder tonight.

last night, no flash no tripod. easy evening with tom erin richard debbie. back in bed asleep when the ball dropped. i wonder if it bounced. and i'm glad the balloon didn't go up. yet.

VISTA SUCKS

VISTA SUCKS

rainy raw day. above. this morning's trick, is a reflection of this.

what did i learn during the past year?

in our world there is no absolute truth. there are, however, partial truths. a partial truth is one that can be validated within its own domain.

for instance within the domain of common-sense science, the law of gravity can be presented as true or false.

in the domain of subjectivity, i can feel "blue". within that domain, i "know" that this is true.

today this situation which is part of being conscious is in the curious situation of slowly becoming apparent. but right now the culture and our heads are lagging behind and we cling to the enlightment focus on the manifest world. so if existence stumbles on a problem, the solution is sought in science or law. some problems cannot be successfully treated this way. the "war" against terrorism, crime, drugs and poverty are examples of this approach.

i flipped open "i and thou", a book i've been reading for 25 years, and found this:

""He who takes his stand in relation shares in a reality, that is, in a being that neither merely belongs to him nor merely lies outside him…The I is real in virtue of its sharing in reality. The more full its sharing the more real it becomes".

how do relate to the invisible, the unmanifest, the "is" that is. not thru DNA or the law of the land.

mmm.. not bad for a day's work.

just kidding. spent the day unpacking, some changes to systems, all types, and finished oil. above was part of a little cyber house cleaning.

i made it back, a trip filled with surprise. had a little time to spend with 3 children and 3 grandchildren and the time spent was such a relief. like our ancestor's they can handle it whatever "it" is. good thing too.

battery developed some weirdness. the big wheel tilted and the local spirits called the shot as i was about to fill the gas tank and head west. out of nowhere truck wouldn't start. had this happened, say, between mocksville and statesville on a very raw and rainy afternoon the story would not be this story. this story is about finding and losing things. got truck to good mechanic and spent some time at dr. j's atrium counting the leaves on the ground.

i feel the need to make some statement, some summing up, i guess because year digits will increment soon. i'm not going to think about it so it may happen.

leaving tommorow to have lunch at daughter nicole's, been working on revamp of site by next year. wish i had more to say but "i've already confessed". st. augustine or bob dylan said that. anyway to everyone

have a good one

now her is a guy that has something to say about silence

"Likewise, looking deep within the mind, in the very most interior part of the self, when the mind becomes very, very quite, and one listens very carefully, in that infinite silence, the soul begins to whisper, and its feather-soft voice takes one far beyond what the mind could ever imagine, beyond anything rationality could possibly tolerate, beyond anything logic can endure. In its gentle whisperings, there are the faintest hints of infinite love, glimmers of a life that time forgot, flashes of a bliss that must not be mentioned, an infinite intersection where the mysteries of eternity breathe life into mortal time, where suffering and pain have forgotten how to pronounce their own names, this secret quiet intersection of time and the very timeless, an intersection called the soul. "

ken wilber
-- Integral Psychology , p. 106.

blog is falling apart. lost posts since this one.

photo taken about 2-3 weeks ago. things have changed.

heading west. yesterday.

monday hardly happened. i camped out again last night. inside sleepinbag all is well. warm and comfy. but a problem is fluid shifting bags and supplies. can't reach out in dark and locate this that and the other. some stable shelving and storage next step. last night i skipped a med that i couldn't locate, misjudged some insulin requirement and pretty much stayed in bed all day while grandkids were at school and children at work. not well.

so i'm leaving tomorrow and regroup in asheville.

right now watching the fox news channel, bill o'reilly. circuses and clowns. claptrap. noise as form. kill your TV. really.

there is a man on a white horse loping across the dark beach at morning light. he is in a race with the guy who drove coast to coast in 36 hours. we will forget the outcome and stare at the mystery dust hanging in the air after they pass.

went from t-shirt mode to raw wintery phase when i got to peidmont. slept in camper last two nights. sleeping bag etc very warm and comfy. jim gave me termorest which combined with mine makes good sleeping. one slight leak discovered (it hasn't stopped raining since i got here). reading at night ok but needs adjustment. listened to mystery cd driving down, i think it is by r.l.burnside. excellent, up there with personal messages from the clash.

i hit the road today - not literally - will return the 19th.

a quickie of this past year.

from the same digital photo as the one below.

i've been working my ass off doing xmas gifts. i always make them myself instead of buying. and i always think i'm in good shape fot this activity, and then notice the calendar too late, deadline fever once again.

i plan to drive to chatham county later this week, probably thurday. back around the 19th. early xmas, the actual holy day i will spend on top of one of the local vortexes and soak up some badly needed cosmik influx so i can last the rest of the year.

i'll be converting this site jan 1. a new start. i've got 1800 plus postings buried here. and not much left to say. so i'll be turning it into a people's gallery featuring archival prints of my artwork, some flash, videos and music. i'll hide the occasional blog posting hanging off the side somewhere.

then off to arizona for three weeks during which i will be eased off of this hypomaniac kick i've been on for awhile.

when you don't need nothin', practice doing nothin'.

i replaced the picture here before, it was the result of one of those irritable dyas when absolutely nothing i tried work, glitches, broken, confued - the day not me. it was that way for 12 solid hours. ugly picture i put up. so i put his up instead, just finished it.