Tuesday, December 31, 2002


there was more light yesterday than the day before. things are looking up.

of course the darkness has it�s own imperatives, but enough is enough.

i wonder how the first human consciousness felt when he or she realized that it was a �new� (another) year.

i imagine remorse and relief were part of it.

maybe indifference?

for me, what�s different about the new year is what i learned during the old one:

i don�t know anyone who gets a good night�s sleep anymore.

if people have souls, and i think they do, there are twice as many souls on earth today as when i was a teenager. (thanks to mike e. for that encouraging tidbit.)

if they do or don�t, there are still twice as many humans present.

philip k. dick called this age �the iron castle�. i call it, after ken wilber, �the age of the descended grid�. both phrases seem to have the same quality: caged.

if a person becomes more conscious, does he or she become less unconscious? or is the unconscious infinite and therefor endless and therefor never �less�?

tv the other night: rhythm, song and dance preceded language. louis mumford conjectured as much.

the image preceded conceptual thought.

in the human story, what does conceptual thought precede?

does the universe include dead-ends?

if there is a spirit of creation it is prior to and the basis of human experience. does it talk to us? can we talk to it?

is it accurate to refer to this world as �the vale of tears�? or is it a secular sin to think so negatively? (power of positive thinking). or is it that way so we can contribute to �soul-making�? (keats and james hillman).

everyone i run across these days, admittedly a skewed sample, seems to feel the power of �that�s all folks.�

kali yuga indeed.

so the only reason i look forward to the new year is that the old one is over. i hope and pray.

Sunday, December 29, 2002


another wierd end to another wierd year. woke up this morning intending to go to friends meeting at 10, but blood sugar was 496. stayed in 400s till around noon when i finaly changed the old infusion set which looked ok. successfully began to lower BG. meanwhile i'm feeling muzzy, fuzzy, nauseous, and sick.

did not quite phone 911, but came close.

later the reitzals and elvins dropped by unexpectedly and i had a short but very pleasant visit. lots to guess about the coming year. i think i'll start a cyber-pool as to when what happens happens during 2003, and when it doesn't.

Friday, December 27, 2002


today the plan is to - again - stay at home. take it easy. be a blur. stress reduction.

started an oil portrait last night that didn't even come close and now looks like the underpainting of the mexican dust bowl. i'm going to add a watercolor today and see what happens if i work on both at once.

with a little luck i'll start loading new site. talk to a bird. finish final edit of poetry book to be. dance. pick up photo prints i took somewhere. the mundane can save us all.

Thursday, December 26, 2002


i now have 448 Meg of memory. next a big fast firewire hard drive, for which i'll also need firewire/usb pci card. the usb is to hook up a digital camera.

i woke up today with the best of intentions, but had to finish a complicated audio piece, so i could blow away all of the digital audio parts and reclaim 350 meg memory.

i accomplished this task around 7 tonight.

i don't take this as a good sign. but maybe it is. ordinary life.

if you're interested in looking at or contributing anti-war (don't you just hate that name?) advertising scripts, take a look:


Here's an ad, in RealAudio format (a 178K download), that will be playing in january i think. i don't think it gets to the heart of the matter.

and last:

"It would be interesting to see if there's a correlation between the meteoric rise of blogging, the practice of keeping a frequently-updated online journal, and the rise of unemployment in Silicon Valley and other tech corridors."

from www.washingtonpost.com.

Wednesday, December 25, 2002


thax sam

well i'm not running and i'm not hiding but it's not christmas anymore. i guess cause it's the day after in 30 minutes.

no resolutions - i already (didn't) do them.

i guess i guess that i will pay more attention to focus in the next year, or maybe focus on attention more.

That's if nothing comes up to distract me, like the world and stuff.

which world? why, all of them. so far.

and while we're on the subject i insist you go to ken nordeen wordjazz site. listen to first archived radio program. in my opinion he's right up there with picasso and dylan.

Monday, December 23, 2002


for those of you not on the mailing list:

x marks the spot

Sunday, December 22, 2002


here is the solution to the cryptogram my aunt patricia did while i was in arizona:

"just be glad you're not getting the government you're paying for."
-will rogers

a thought for the day. any day.

Saturday, December 21, 2002


beautiful light out, brisk. i could live in this weather for the rest of my life - but hope i don't.

and i haven't even been out in it yet.

still straightening out email. i hope i got what you sent.

for those of you wondering how to communicate with the over-world, or if it is even possible, this might be worth a try.

Thursday, December 19, 2002


beautiful day visitng my friend sam outside marion. cleared my head a little.

cyber-deck status: changeable. today i cannot reply to email. i did fix blog archive link. also wrestling with stylewriter II problem, will not print justified text from quark. will from word.

gonna step back and taker easy.

Wednesday, December 18, 2002


still connecting the dots on my cyber-deck, uh, i mean mac. and this site. i started it a year or two ago to see what would happen, or more specifically to see what it might turn into. so far i'm still wondering.

went to friends meeting last sunday. i like the group silence, but it looks like to really be a member you would have to attend endless meetings. and i'm allergic to endless meetings. nonetheless it is somehow comforting to know there is still social activism happening.

years ago i gave neuromancer by william gibson to my son eli. he recently read it and i took it - light weight paperback - on recent journey and reread it.

i remembered 2 things: 1) the girl with the fingernails that extend into razors (how could you forget?); and 2) a sentence about the place where the corporate intersects with the street. something i did not remember is that for a book with such a sprawling canvas, so many scenes and places, the government is not mentioned once. no politics. too much important stuff going on. with the current disconnect between the government and the governed, this might foreshadow the near future. my aunt patricia did a cryptogram in arizona that relates to this which i'll post when i find it.

Tuesday, December 17, 2002


busy day doing nothing. well, maybe i did somethings necessary to the mundane - in the best sense of the word. still hooking up all the contraptions that make this site work. laundry. editing. library. bank. drug store.

an encouraging note of interest: at recent family reunion in tuscon, there were about 100 family members i think plus friends etc. now without going into particulars i think it would be fair to say that most of these folks are hardcore western republicans. of course we are all older and slower and less fiery in opinions, but i still find it interesting that even though we avoided political discussion, just about all of them were very much bothered by bush and his pet war. nobody liked it. maybe a heavy-weight or two, but the concensus seemed to be "say whaaaat?"

even more wierd is that nobody seemed to know anyone that voted for him. or admitted that they had.

reinforces my theory that there has been a coup d'etat in washington dc but no one knows because it's a secret.


my state of mind. and i think the state of mind of that unholy abstraction, joe public:



progress. just escaped arizona library by techno-wizardry. and i think i can now post to this page. so this is a



just got up. still cannot post to this extravaganza. going to bed at 8-9, my rule for waking up is if NPR is on the radio it's 5 AM or after so i'm up. before than the BBC is on and i just roll over. i seem to be in the midst of reconnecting with quite a crew of old old friends but my web site is stuck in prescott az. can't update it - yet.

this is the first year in many years, maybe 15, that i haven't made my own xmas cards.

m,lkj <=== from my kat miss kitty.

Monday, December 16, 2002


maaan i'm tired. so tired. i wanna go to bed. but...
to be continued

Friday, December 13, 2002


ok i am back in aville but due to incredibly complicated server migration i cannot FTP to this blog, therefor you cannot see this posting. right now. soon, i'm told.

so i'm just going to keep on posting and someday you'll see this.

within the month most likely i'll have redesigned site somewhere else, will keep you posted.

i figured out this AM that i was home a total of 6 or 9 days - i forget - during nov 12 - dec 12. some hard traveling, esp with 3 fractured ribs. had a nice civil thanksgiving with the aycocks and 3 children, 1 grandchild.

this was the first thanksgiving in many years that we did not gather at sally's, my ex-wife and children's mother. she passed away last january. so it was especially kind for the aycock's to have us over. no fiends like old friends. [typo - i'll leave it in.]

then i spent some time at the Meher Spiritual center in myrtle beach SC. while i was there i found a st christopher medal that i had lost. it was the only piece i have of my mother's, and they were getting ready to take contents of lost and found box to goodwill the same day i started looking. i feel good about wearing this medallion around my neck because i remember it hanging from rear view mirror as a kid, and 6 months at the center comes with some blessing i am sure.

more about trip later, especially as you won't see this until later.

meanwhile a little bit about my latest obsession - one of the few artists of the century who i would put in the same league as picasso, bob dylan, ricci (the director of koyonaskatsi). on the list of links to the left click on ken nordine - wordjazz, and listen to the first 30 minute radioshow. yes, 30 minutes, the same time wheel of jeapordy takes.

Wednesday, December 11, 2002


Back in Aville

Wednesday, December 4, 2002


i am in prescott arizona at the public library. totally unable to access email. my ISP, ioa.com must be in terminal stages of tech implosion and i will be changing all this when i return home. so if you are emailing me, i haven't gotten it yet.

i hear big ice storm is hitting western carolina. hope my cat doesn't freeze.

headline on phoenix paper this am:

CIA can kill bad guys

or something like that. and bad guys, as i understand it, are decleared to be bad by prez. can't blame republicans, they are just doing what they've always done, whatever they can get away with. the democrats are clones. blame the public, you and me, for letting this fantasy continue. or don't because we are anesthetised:

just say "numb".