Tuesday, December 30, 2003

home. arrived yesterday evening. another year over, another on the way, my world has become reduced to friends and family, i don't know what's happening "out there". never did.

Friday, December 26, 2003

day after xmas. posting so vast throngs of modernpeasants out there - or here - know i'm all right and it's all good.

beautiful drive down the mountains yesterday, saw everything with new eyes so to speak.

spent yesterday and last night at eli & melissa's, good company, everything moves slow and clear enough to be just what it is, and it is a blessing. good times.

Friday, December 19, 2003

new philipk. dick link by his children, a few passages from the exigisis. looks like it will access a lot of new materials.
Philip K. Dick - Science Fiction Author - Official Site

my friend jill is watching me post this. what fun!

and here is picture i found yesterday, maybe 25 years old:


Thursday, December 18, 2003

form less

if less is more, least is most. almost.

somebody once told me not to stay too long in the formless realm. and believe me, i haven't. i don't think it is accurate to say "it's a nice place to visit but i wouldn't want to live there". unless, of course, you have (lived there).

my life is a doodle (from the verb "to do").

we are all vaporware.

ludicrous meanderings of a man who's been around. and round.

already all ready. (k. wilber)

you've always got to be prepared, but never know for what. (b. dylan)

mind must go. (just about everybody, sooner or later)

what does a catapiller dream about?

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

man oh man. i got a relaxed day coming up this very day. no deadlines. no post offices. no highways. of course i do have a truck that insists on turning on it's parking lights in the middle of the night & running the battery down, but that's pretty run of the mill these days.

i'm sure many of you have been receiving these scam spam emails involving bank transfers. i got one this morning that i find intriguing because the scammer has a whole new way to find me; check out the last sentence:

Good day,

It is my humble pleasure to write this letter irrespective of the fact
that you do not know me. However, I came to know of you in my private
search for a reliable and trustworthy person that can handle a
confidential transaction of this nature in respect of this, I got your
contact through an uprooted search on the internet.

it's comforting to know that i am in the uprooted catagory, restores my faith in search engines.

otherwise what's happening in the bunker? drifting back to watercolor. finishing wilber appendix "D" of his new stuff after a long layoff. somewhere in there he addresses the correlation between stages of different streams which has always puzzled me.

and if the stars line up precisely in the right configuration, biorhythms intersect appropriately and i can get past the front door i'll get a haircut.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

a couple of notes:

the photo i mentioned yesterday:


and the eagle koran thing from the day before; this is chapter 9 verse 11:

The Koran: "[9.11] But if they repent and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, they are your brethren in faith; and We make the communications clear for a people who know."

Monday, December 15, 2003

"Thank God Saddam is finally back in American hands! He must have really missed us. Man, he sure looked bad! But, at least he got a free dental exam today. That's something most Americans can't get.

America used to like Saddam. We loved Saddam. We funded him. We armed him. We helped him gas Iranian troops."
AlterNet: We Finally Got Our Frankenstein

the big enchilada. question is, now that that is that, has anything changed?

well yes, kind of like when a biz deal goes sour. the picture from the 80's of rumsfield shaking hands w/ saddam is a wonderful artifact. how quickly we forget. in fact quicklier and quicklier.

bush's folks don't lie, they just keep changing the storyline. but it doesn't create a problem because we like it that way. novelty wins, and anyway we forget what it was the punchline was last week.

what does it mean for the democrats? nothing because their problem remains the same: breaking thru the captive lingo to communicate straight-on with millions of people at the same time while shaking the burden of a thousand layers of commentary that deaden the meaning in a matter of seconds (literally) in the 24 hour news cycle.

Saturday, December 13, 2003

another tip of the hat to tucker for this dubious email. i guess it is floating around the net. personally, sitting here at the keyboard, i'll bet 5 to 1 that this is not accurate. i'll let you know.
> >
> >This is something to think about!! Since America is typically represented
> >by an eagle.... Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages... The
> >following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible)
> >
> >Koran Verse 9 : 11
> >For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The
> >wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo,
> >while some of the people trembled in despair, still more rejoiced; for
> >wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.
> >
> >Note the verse number!

Thursday, December 11, 2003

got this email today. thanks tucker.


How you corporate types might want to plan for your XMAS "holiday Party" as per this case study

FROM: xxxx xxxx, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 01, 2003

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

xxxx xxxx

FROM: xxxx xxxx, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 02, 2003

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

xxxx xxxx

FROM: xxxx xxxx, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees

DATE: October 03, 2003

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?


Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.


FROM: xxxx xxxx, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: October 04, 2003

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from

The dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

xxxx xxxx

FROM: xxxx xxxx, Human Resources Director

TO: All You Bastard Employees

DATE: October 05, 2003

RE: The Frikking Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your frikking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!

FROM: yyy yyy, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 06, 2003

RE: xxxx xxxx and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing xxxx xxxx a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

wed. afternoon about 2. gloomy, steady drizzle to downpour. left the house at 10 and just got back, 2 doctor appointments and a number of errands in between.

i think i've got a bad case of the xmas blues. maybe it peaked yesterday, a day i really should have stayed in bed.

noticed an article in the nation, American Apocalypse, that i'd like to check out. brought home fixed ideas: america since 9.11 by joan didion. if either of these 2 reads (or any other) can even semi-lucidly describe today real congratulations are in order.

i think for this is that language has split into 2 modes, one "official" and the the other what is left of the personal.

the domain of the "official" - printed word, books, tv, magazines, sweatshirts - cannot describe what is outside of it's domain.

and the landscape of today inhabited by most of us, i believe, is a very strained and uncomfortable place because it includes less and less of the "personal".

Tuesday, December 9, 2003


man i had a terrible day. everything i tried to do immediately got confused, broken, or impossible. everything! it was like a disharmonic convergence. bad stars. wormholes.

i'm hoping that somehow i got a lot of this out of the way today, so i can coast for a few years. i think jung said when a man wakes up in a dark mood it's the amina knocking. could be i guess. and the world might be a troublesome place that day.

anyway i want to write a novel via email. paragraph at a time. i want to do this with a couple of interested folks. we could toss paragraphs at each other & see what happens. anyone interested?

Monday, December 8, 2003


finished today. not me, the picture. well, maybe me too. everything seems very still.

Sunday, December 7, 2003


is about all i have to say. hunkered down for the holidays. taste of extreme winter, but just a taste.

many years ago i lived in the smokies at about 4500 feet. the first winter was a real learning experience. at that time there usually was a shift in the weather about the 3rd or 4th week of december. it was like a rheostat being turned down a couple of notches. bam!

in other news, it turns out that there is no political solution to the problem of politics. the solution lies in another domain, that of heart to heart dialogue.

Thursday, December 4, 2003


sounds of cracling doom: it's 12:30 at night, way past my bedtime, and i'm still reverbing away. moderation may be a good thing (dipso facto goldwater '63), but the tenor of the times seem to dictate the all or nothing mode. either sit around trying to remember how to think in the dull late afternoon light, or be a maniac and devote all available synapses to the question on question creation asks.

the picture above: a few weeks ago my daughter nicole gave me a few things she had rounded up in her mom's house - sally passed away a little less than two years ago.

among these things was an old beat up colorado driver's license of the person i was then. license was issued 1970.

i'm not clear on a lot of memories but i remember getting this license. it was in pitkin county colorado, the county seat of of which is aspen. i worked on a weekly newspaper located in the basement of the hotel jerome. to get my license renewed i walked a block to the county courthouse one winter afternoon and ended up in a small basement room, i think the walls were stone, with an officer who took the picture, and hunter thompson, who was there for the same thing i was. this was about 4 months after he had narrowly lost the election for sherrif, and was, i suppose, one of those high-water marks you can see after the flood.

we were both very happy to get our new driver's license, and i am happy to have found it.

but as far as who is who when he is you, i don't know if it is the dance of the memes or the unraveling of the world(view), or the geologic accumulation of experience age brings, but that is a question for someone else.

Wednesday, December 3, 2003

PROJECT GUTENBERG OFFICIAL HOME SITE - INDEX -- Free Books On-Line -: "About Project Gutenberg

Thank you for your interest in Project Gutenberg!

Project Gutenberg is the Internet's oldest producer of FREE electronic books (eBooks or eTexts)"

water falls

another beautiful cyber-graffitti, done in a fit of hopelessness and uselessness. of course these aren't bad things, they're just unpleasant. they can be dismissed, ignored, transcended, but not denied. smashing and crashing into samsara can leave one kind of... subdued.

spent all day on one errand, two watercolors, hours tuning stringed instruments, and trying to finesse Peak, a digital audio mastering app.

big storm acomin', from drizzle to sleet to snow to ice. it's expected tonight. i'm totally stocked up with stuff, and what i don't have i won't use. might just sit in a chair all day and contemplate, see if i can feed something back to the witness, mr. conciousness with a capital "see". somewhere there is a seer who is not a subject, who sees all. including probably you and me trying to see backwards into the vacuum of his eyes.

oh-oh, bobby d. just weasled in. i seem to be picking up muted epiphanies from all points of the compess, and they all leave me with that feeling that i have forgotten something important. and i have. i forgot who i am when i'm not me.

suffering and pain can be a corrective to this misalignment of identity. luckily there is plenty to go around.

we will all be vacating the premises soon. bittersweet. nostolgia for the radience of true life. row row row your boat.

Monday, December 1, 2003

read it -

The New York Review of Books: The Awful Truth:
"September 11, Krugman writes, actually helped the President execute 'the largest bait-and-switch operation in history"

then go look at the clouds. notice that funny one in the corner of the sky, sort of looks like a smug elephant?

Saturday, November 29, 2003


another postcard from nowhere. i actually got lost in this sucker for 4 hours yesterday. close to finishing 2 oils.

pleasant surprise visit from lowell yesterday. always interested in sharing notes with folks who navigated thru the same worlds i did to arrive here & now, bemused, disgusted, puzzled, thankful, and looking foward with mixed feelings about what might lie ahead down the road.

reading an old (96 special 5th anniversary issue) issue of tricycle richard lent me. about the relationship between the psychdelic era and the buddhist explosion that has occured since then.

"there are probably 25 million americans who have taken LSD and who would, if pressed in private, also tell you that it profoundly changed their lives, and not neccessarily fot the worst.

i will readily grant that some of these are hopeless crystal worshipers or psychedelic derelicts creeping around oregon woods. but far more of them are successful members of society, CEOs, politicians, teachers, ministers, and community leaders."

john perry Barlow
from the above mentioned tricycle issue.

i would make 2 comments:
this is an observation that many live with, but one that is not reflected in mediated concensus
reality. taboo meme?

and two: so what?

Wednesday, November 26, 2003


art folks - if you happen to land here, note that this site is for friends, family, admirers, my sanity, and various concentric spheres. in other words an excercise in mental health.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003


picture a day keeps the doctor away. keeps mine away anyway. that's all i'm going to post for awhile, new picture done on the day i post it.

but i think that at this juncture it is maybe more important than ever to act politically, even though i also think what is happening is past politics. there is a part of me that says just let it go. another part that feels it is time to speak up, out, and over. talk past the noise. it's just that i'm so much into silence these days. then again maybe that makes for clearer conversation.

Monday, November 24, 2003

the weather has been so incredibly beautiful this week. clear, translucent, snappy. finally got out to see some of it yesterday. visited steve and friends yesterday AM for awhile and had the kim-chee omelet special for breakfast. in the afternoon took a drive with richard to big ivy, davis falls, nice walk through the mountains.

have a new plan for today. richard mentioned how he would like to take a day off and just catch up on reading. i think this is a good idea and that's what i'm going to do today. turn off the computer and try and finish "non-zero sumness and human destiny" for book club tomorrow. and putter. need to find 2 missing pieces of paperwork i stashed somewhere long ago and paperwork, as we all know, keeps the world spinning round. i'll let you know how this worked tomorrow.

Sunday, November 23, 2003


this picture started out as pencil sketch in the woods this afternoon. now it's your's to enjoy. me, i gotta keep moving - slowly.

Saturday, November 22, 2003


what a treat to read something about today that scans. makes sense. far larger context than is embedded in what for most of us passes for life:
Asia Times - Asia's most trusted news source for the Middle East:
"German and British universities once produced spies who could speak half a dozen Arab dialects and recite the Koran from memory. Today's only superpower cannot recruit enough Arabic translators to handle routine intercepts."

Thursday, November 20, 2003

tonight's delerium

what i think is that a bunch of corporate oligarchs had a coup, but kept it quiet. now that the discomfort level for everybody else is so high, even the easily led are wondering about, if not the sanity, then the common sense of this bunch.

dean seems capable of elevating the media language back to the personal. if he can talk straight long enough he might win it all. straight talk could pull in the working southener, and just about everyone else, maybe even some republicans.

if this starts to happen, the reaction of the republicans will be very interesting. peculiar events could occur.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

still working on my orientation to now. got groceries and laundry today, met with counselor, bill o from hville paid a visit, got a prescription phoned in, and discovered what happens when you put guache on top of sumi on top of oil pastel on top of watercolor. the quotidean, so nice when the weather is cool, breezy and moist, rain somewhere nearby, restless cloudy day.

the difference between thinking and conciousness is finally dawning on me. anyway i think about it a lot.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003


got back home from a long, intense, pleasant and exhausting trip. arrived in several pieces, but not so many that i can't function. above is about the only picture i came back with.

but i did visit with all my children and their families and some old friends. all is good. the Meher Baba Center remains tangled inextricably with my present sojourn on the planet. i don't understand why, but then i don't expect to.

long drive back, only got lost once and then only briefly. still arrived back in town 2 hours after sunset, plunging down the highway through a world of blooming lights and fuzzy fast luminosity. climbing back in the saddle as we speak. lots of projects to peck away on. a lot of old and new friends phoned while i was away.

is today the first day of the rest of my life? i hope so.

Wednesday, November 5, 2003

back nov.17.

Tuesday, November 4, 2003

today had that odd off balnce feeling, not unpleasant but just a little off. beutiful weather, the trees have turned, the breeze is cool, and voices can be heard, lef-lookers gathering on the front poarches and rinking burboun.

leaving tomorrow for trip to visit old stomping grounds (chapel hill). was i doing the stomping or being stompe?

all four of my children and two grandchildren will be there and it will be a pleasure to visit with them. there is something inherently satisfactory about seeing them grow into the world while i recede from it.

then on to the Meher Baba Center in SC for a touch of the Real, a clue or two about how to live in the world.

i haven't written much lately about the world. the news. current events. i feel like i've retreated to the lobby while the scenery is being rearranged for the next act. only when the scenery is reconfigured so are we. the experience of being a person-in-the-world (or -play if you prefer) is changing.

the limitations of all institutions as the carrier of human effort and organization has reached the end of the line, and some new way to organize humans is in the wings. fear-based effort (the job, career) is evaporating. facets of human conciousness we all have but that have been successfully ignored during the past 300 years or so (the age of the descended grid - wilber) are slowly resurfacing.

a year or so ago i told my son-in-law doug, who is ultra-conventional in his outlook, that if we won the iraqi war in one day and saddam's head was delivered to the white house via fed-ex that huge monumental troubles of long duration, the likes of what we have not yet seen, would just be beginning. i haven't seen lately anything to change my mind. the question is if i and other bottom-feeders could see this, why couldn't the folks in charge of our government?

one possible answer is the nature of institutions as they now exist. to perform effectively in say the federal government or a hospital or a bank or a large corporation or university, an individual has to repress any knowledge of the outside world, has to smell and talk right, has to speak a constricted highly styalized language, has to occupy him or herself with turf battles to the exclusion of any other parts of life. to be successful in this setup is to be ill informed about other worlds. the temporal and geographical provencialism of the modern allows ignorant people (ignorence, from the verb "to ignore") to blunder into untenable situations and not have a clue that they don't have a clue. the rube oligharchy.

99% of the babble during the "run-up" to the war was inbred. imaginary constructs, straw men, empty rhetoric. false issues like, if you are "against" the war you are helping the enemy and harming our troops.

a clear straight voice from the heart speaking in the public domain could shred this kind of fantasy colloquy in a minute. if we could hear it.

Monday, November 3, 2003

2nd d

life is strictly a doodle.

i'm packing, getting ready to travel, a little at a loss, a little way ahead of myself. transitions are tougher than they used to be for me. i handle it by starting way ahead of time (just as i used to try and do when i was in graphic arts). avoid the void.

on the other hand i'm using oil pastels to make a quick birthday card in the midst of this madness. of course, what other madness is there? as many as the minds of senscient beings. and they're all the same.

edwin schrodinger: "conciousness is the singular of which there is no plural."

Sunday, November 2, 2003


i've said it before & i'll say it again: "a picture a day keeps the doctor away".

Thursday, October 30, 2003

mas ultima

"la esperanza muere Ultima"
studs terkel on what news has become. not that you didn't "know" it already.
t r u t h o u t - Studs Terkel | No Brass Check Journalists

Wednesday, October 29, 2003


Tuesday, October 28, 2003

very social day today - went to a book club meeting this morning for the first time and mister wilber meeting tonight. worked on layout of jeff's book. kind of dozed off around four.

so what did we talk about today? the usual, i think. what's real and what's not, memes, trends, metaphors, looking at the boundry between self and other, how to live.

it was remarked on by travelers to constantinople in the tenth century that everywhere you went in that time and place there was a continual conversation, theological and philosophic at the same time. almost everyone, from the emperor down to the baker, had much to contribute to these questions of that day.

one thing about growing older for me is that i am beginning to realize that i live in a similar situation. i am not the only one looking up in wonder, or sitting watching my big toe.

we're all asleep in the same boat.

Monday, October 27, 2003

scratch that

i've changed my travel plans. driving straight to chapel hill nov.5. time with all my children and grandchildren. this will be a real treat. then i'll drive to the Baba Center and stay a few days. i am long overdue.

meanwhile this just in:

"Now, however, it seems to have been automated: some clever programmer working for one of these iniquitous outfits has written a tool that goes around a list of weblogs and collects information on the various posts made to it.

It then creates the right HTML to fool the blogging software into thinking that a comment has been entered, and the resulting advert is posted to the blog as if it was legitimate."
BBC NEWS | Technology | How spammers are targeting blogs:

Sunday, October 26, 2003


sunday morning, nice gentle rainy morning. rose too late for friend's sunday meeting.

yesterday was a beautiful fall day, perfect. i went to a quaker-sponsered meeting on "death and dying", interesting hour and a half. then a rare foray downtown for outdoor art extravaganza and lunch with winnie.

i enjoyed talking to the artists' most of whom had really interesting work hanging. two subjects were constant: one was what is a "print" and what is an origional, this question stemming from the giclee process. the other was framing, and i may have gotten a lead about a florida company that sells plain-jane frames cheap. i also observed that texture is a big deal, especially in some of the larger paintings.

mimi hay was exhibiting, and her japanese-based fabric wearable art, kimonos and such, was quite impressive. i'll meet with her tomorrow morning to see if i can help her with a web-site. i've cancelled all plans today, realizing how behind i am with several projects that i would like to complete before i leave on trip. in fact i just now decided to leave fri the 31st instead of thursday the 30th. now on to finish typesetting jeff's book.

[much later] marathon day. i got that grayed out feeling. but i got a lot done. so now i need to watch some tv with the sound turned off.

Friday, October 24, 2003

prez and lady day

i bought the first CD in about 10 years last week thru daedalus books. 4 CD set, the complete lester young. someting like $18. i played around with the picture above which is from a very well made booklet included. i've been chasing a recording of "dickie's dream" for 30 - 40 years now, and it's included. doesn't sound at all like i remembered. the boxed set is put out by an english company proper records.

the weekend has exploded. mimi hay will be showing her creations downtown at some giant (170 artists) outdoor festival. i'll certainly go at least one day, and maybe two. i'm very interested in how maniacs like me might move some stuff.

plus sat. morning is the first meeting of a friend's-sponsered 4 week deal on death and dying. curious about it so i'll be there sat. morning. and attend Baba meeting sunday afternoon.

as far as the kosmic situation goes, i am more and more convinced that everybody is right - there's a big change coming.


Thursday, October 23, 2003

here is an email i tried to send early this morning:

"what a nite. listened to mp3 of ken wilber and rabbi somebody, phone conversation, you sent, late last nite. an eye-opener, so to speak.

then i did my bedtime thing, which these days consists of a little reading, very little. �non-zero-sumness and human destiny�. the kind of book i would have really enjoyed a few years back, and one that is chock-full of entertaining anecdotes concerning cultural evolution. i could nit-pick it to death, but won�t. suffice to say that �parable of the nine tribes� and �guns, germs, and steel� should probably be read also for balance.

then i turn off the lights and start book on tape, story of iris murdoch by her husband. starts off very oxbridge, in the 30�s i would guess. it puts me out pretty fast. so far for 3 nites i have fallen asleep in middle of first side of first tape.

but this morning... woke up from a dream, the first i can remember having in a long time. went something like this:

airplane lands at narita airport outside tokyo. i�m dressed in coat and tie and have several hours wait for next flight, so i decide to take a walk. quickly i am in small japanese neighborhood when i see someone who looks like rob, an Australian vw mechanic i used to know. it�s not him but he invites me in where i discover that lynn, old time dealer from the past is living there.

she talks about the owner of the place, who is a secret presence responsible for vast shipments of cannabis in and out of the place. i ask who this person is and whispered conversation takes place. turns out that it is somebody that remembers me from the ancient past, but her identity is withheld.

meanwhile cooking, chopping is going on in kitchen. the guys who live upstairs, foreigners like everyone else in the dream, move pounds of coke every day. or so i am told. all of this biz bothers me a little, and i have visions of japanese storm troopers raiding the place.

so some of us begin the stroll back to the airport. i take a rest on a bed in a room that is open to the street. there are many beds there. housewife comes out and busily sweeps the outdoor bedroom and i realize that i am being unmannered, hop off the bed, and hands in front, palms together, bow to her and turn to catch up with group walking to airport. she says something in japanese, sounds irate but not too extreme. i get the idea that foreigners like myself are known to be a little crass.

catching up with friends we end up in another large room where two men live. the place is full of tatamis, tapestries, and blade runner like holograms floating here and there. the two are american, and one of their business cards reads �i find things�. they are both young entepenuers, fairly successful. one of them mentions �this isn�t woodstock anymore�.

now we start to try and remember what time plane is leaving and do we have time to catch it. wholly confusing, i can�t figure out what time zone it is or where the airport is. one of the group mentions a sore throat he is dealing with. the two who live there mutter that this guy is having entirely too much trouble with his throat. a thought occurs to me, and at the exact same time i am thinking �things are breaking up down there�, one of the two says it. i tell him what just happened, and he nods his head. one of us says �dylan�.

we decide we might make the airport in time for departure, and start long journey up and down escalators, hallways, public underground spaces, total confusion. i am realizing that we are completely lost and wake up shaky, low blood sugar, fluorescent balloons blooming in front of my face.

We seem to believe it is possible
to ward off death by
following rules of good grooming.
Don Delillo "

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

"The answer is obvious, Seehusen said: 'America's drug warriors are
shameless hypocrites who believe in one standard of justice for
ordinary Americans and another for themselves, their families and their
political allies."
from Pravda forum:
Forums - America owes Rush Limbaugh a debt of gratitude

Tuesday, October 21, 2003


here's todays almost straight foto. i also put up visual and textual extrvaganza, whistling in the dark, it's available in upper right column.

speaking of stuff, have you noticed how much of it there is lately?

Monday, October 20, 2003


OK. today's clouds are looking more like it.

interesting and odd day. got up around 9 and worked all day on a few projects i can let go of soon. threw in a trip to the post office, walmart, and best buy. took my 45 minute walk. and the picture above. looked up at the clock in total amazement: 11:00 PM.

i still say one thing at a time is the way to go, but how fast is a" time"?

Sunday, October 19, 2003


then there's this flavor. i seem to be in a cloud phase as far as this weblog goes.

other news from hypomania heights: worked all day at burning my first CD of various sonic items i've done over the last year and a half. a little time spent exploring the complexities of graphics heavy internet pdf and how best to display it. (i think it's goint to be a download). and worked an an oil pastel. what a fun day! hyperfocus or bust!

but i still can't reliably email.

Saturday, October 18, 2003


pretty cool, huh? this comes from a photo that i took on the parkway a few days ago. ain't technology wonderful.

well i did it again. spent all day noodling. the usual gang of suspects.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

another long beautiful day. got my hour walk in this evening, took camera and finished off 2nd roll of film. lots of fancy wide-angle shots with sun blaring thru tree branches. now have 2 rolls to develop, the first reaches back to this summer in arizona i think.

the question of the day seems to circle around the delimma of living singly or as part of a dyad, ie couple.

this came up a few weeks ago in a conversation with dr. r., who opined that in our circle of old friends, those who never married seem not to be doing so well. oversweeping generalization i think, but backed up by the mental health industry, acturarial tables, and anecdotal evidence.

i think each of us has to balance - and experience - both solitude and community. the balance is different for all of us. i spend days without talking - or seeing - another human. like my friend lucius s. said to me the last time i talked to him, alone, brooding over some half finished creative project. it takes a little of that to push a painting, poem, or song thru to completion.

in my so called personal life i have found it increasingly difficult to pay enough attention to a women in my life. so there has not been one for many years. my listening skills still survive, but are of short duration.

or as my friend sam said the other day, women get bored after the love rush. i remember a lady i lived with for four years who was fascinated that i was an "artist". a couple of years later she resented the time and attention it took for me to to be an "artist".

and yet for mental health's sake if nothing more, humans - among who i count myself - seem to need friends, community if for nothing more than to widen the horizon, and stretch the psyche. the sangha is a case in point, a community of like-minded (tho not identical) humans where mutual respect can develop.

myself i've been solitary - without a woman - for, let's see, maybe 10 years or more, with one small interuption. is this selfish? i guess it depends on what world you are living in at the time.

i needed a time-out. didn't realize it would last this long. but most of my days are feeled - freudian slip i guess - filled with starting and finishing highly challanging creative endevors. i wake up thinking about them. i feel the fresh breezes from somewhere when i am dealing with the imagination manifesting itself through my addled pate and beat-up heart.

so what is it? a choice between artist and lover? no i don't think you have the choice. and i disagree with allan combs statement the other night that socrates' dictum, "know thyself", meant only to know your social strengths and fit within the community, nothing deeper. he was making the point that the modern persona had not yet developed. but check out sappho's fragments, a modern reflexive personality, not defined soley by her role in her world.

parenthetically i also disagree with his description of the individual developing in the roman era, sculpture suddenly representing real named individuals - scars and all - rather than the greek sculpture representing the ideal. that is, i agree that it developed this way, but i don't think it totally was wiped out in the middle ages, but continued to slowly and secretly develop, albeit in a culture centered on power and instutional religion, a mythic culture where the introspective was not allowed in public.

so today's personhood, with it's rich inner life - sometimes - and aperspectival mode, make for a situation where solitude can exist, the life of the mind and heart can be lived, and not always in conjunction with a partner. it depends on so many particulars, like what you do in the solitude state, what purpose it is serving.

still it would be nice to grow old with another human who has some idea how this might work. in my case we are still very much hypothetical. cf "no expectations" by the rolling stones.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

oops... what happened - skipped a few days posts. life in the 21st century. and i really can't remember too much about the last few days. have poetry/art extravaganza about ready to go online. sequencing what i hope becomes a CD in the near future. making brave attempt to finish 2 oils that are still hanging around (my neck). the situation is not so much obsessive perfectionism, not even close. just want to put them away and move on.

attended lecture on "art and the development of human conciousness" by allen combs of UNCA yesterday evening. very pleasant and interesting couple of hours. i discovered that the desks they use today in higher education are soft, and mine, when i leaned back, went into a recline position. progress.

after lecture a few of us headed out to hear the mahavishnu orchestra downtown. but i chickened out. medications and insuline seemed to be off, and i had visions of getting drunk in some nightclub. which i wouldn't have done, i guess it was a twitch from the past. in the daylight i can handle crowds and traffic, but when it gets dark i get a little sketchy sometimes.

Sunday, October 12, 2003

yesterday ... can't really remember much about it. i guess i hung around puttering, cleaning, finally jumped into an oil painting that has been languishing for some attention. it was a case of leave as is, pretty ok picture, or rip into it, do or die, either destroying or improving it in some inscrutable way. messed about trying to zip a pdf for PC users. tuned instruments. readjusted basil rates on insulin pump. worked on converting MP3s into aiffs in order to burn a CD of my crazy jive music. took a long twilight walk. ninian arrived during the night. went to friend's meeting 10 this morning, glad i did.

one of my big discoveries this week was local "pirate" FM radio station. understand that my reception here picks up one NPR station heavy on what i would call top 40 classical, and an AM station of neo-con talk shows, and that's it (altho have to admit that i have come to enjoy dr....joy brothers? not sure of her name. there are other stations but they are even less interesting. so these guys are a real kick even if they do play a bit too much rap:

Free Radio Asheville - 107.5

Friday, October 10, 2003

new edge

what is it? the begining of a whole new thing, an image at the very inception on a cocktail napkin. actually it was a paper towel.

i've had more friends drop by this past week than ever before. it's been fun. the weather has been - to my taste - perfect, open windows, lots of bird noise, dampness in the air, overcast, breezes. really want to get up to parkway next week with camera.

last night - i think it was - i watched "threatmatrix" premier on the tube. due to a long fun day my hold on official reality was shakey at best and then to be bombarded with an ebola outbreak in amirrillo. the strange thing was that every commercial break seguewayed right out of the show, hard to tell the difference. i flipped to other channels and they were in on it too, so i went to sleep.

Wednesday, October 8, 2003

this one is better than the one below, but i think it is still unfinished.

got a book, "non-zero sum games and human destiny" (or something like that) for book club i hope to join soon. book does not look life changing but maybe a good read. we'll see.

bill o. from hendersonville visited today. played a little music. it's a dark dreary day but we took a walk anyway. really haven't accomplished much else altho almost finished wilber's appendix C of the new stuff he is presenting online.

even more of a milestone is discovery of some kind of pirate radio i can pick up. they play everything, including homemade music and too much rap. 107.5 on FM for those of you in asheville.

Monday, October 6, 2003


i'm not sure about this picture. i did it, as is my habit from time to time, very quickly, really just so i could put up a picture tonight. probably do it better sometime.

as you might gather - or not - i've been on a roll today, working on my panoply of projects the entire day. i'm starting to get a glimmer of how i can put it all together on a CD-ROM, movment, sound and maybe text. interactivity. whoopie. trance material.

but my email is still erratic. so mike e. and miss n., i got your emails much appreciated and you will hear from me when i fix my bits and bytes.

Sunday, October 5, 2003

man i feel wierdness today. not "i feel wierd", altho of course that too. pretty constant, looking back and understanding that i felt that way even when i didn't.

but i feel wierdness. in the air, in the square, rambling waves everywhere. some kind of change or transformation trembling on the brink of blankness.

no i don't mean the slow swell and surge of anti-republicanism surfacing. i mean looking thru the window after dinner and seeing - or not seeing - darkness. realizing for the first time that my deceased ex-wife sally's birthday was the first day of autumn, oct 22, right after the equinox, right? or maybe the 22nd is the equinox itself, i don't at the moment know.

wierdness like getting bit by a spider earlier this week and watching it carrode a patch of my arm. getting a flu shot yestyerday, totally unable to paint, sing, or dance. nicotine withdrawel which i've been working on hard for a year, every since the habit took me up again. endless pharmaceutical ads bombarding my psyche. people dying left and right. probably other places too.

ten days of on and off hard and software upgradeing, and me too dizzy to care to RTFM... that's nerd for read directions. listening to alex gray fade in and out on shortwave in bed at night. the only guy i know who can rant and be reasonable at the same time.

tuesday i vote and i don't even know who is running for what. but i'll find out. i have contacts in high places.

feeling that tug towards hibernation, low light-level, scattered thoughts and memories, or what seem like memories, bob and weave in and out of somewhere called my mind. clothes rippling on a clothesline, brilliant spring light. hearing on the radio that we don't "have" children, they are lent to us. immense background sadness and longing for days disappeared. living in the now is living nowhere, in the endless space that waits behind of what is in front of and behind face. faces falling thru the fog, weak french deux-chevaux headlights splattering the wet cobblestones, all night conversations in the cafe or deep in the woods and not a stitch dropped, boots burning in campfires, cascades of pointers towards nothing.

i mean i got the oldtime blues, beneath the banter and blare of the noise life, a dying campfire barely glows in the early morning phospherescence, all blues.

maybe i should take my blood pressure. or maybe it should take me. too many tokes, too many strokes.

and behind it all the first person looks out thru my eyes. i'm here to be me and then not be me. right on track.

Saturday, October 4, 2003

Rush Limbaugh May Teach Conservatives A Lesson: "The reaction to the drug problem - and drug felonies - recently alleged against Rush Limbaugh highlight sharply the differences between conservative morality and liberal/progressive morality."

Friday, October 3, 2003

caught a second - maybe third - wind last nite and stayed up late - for me - and watched PBS blues series. marshall chess and chicago blues featured, great stuff. lot of old and new footage.

the reoccuring motif was a record put out about 35 years ago by chess records, "electric mud". this was an attempt to put muddy waters in a psychedelic context, and was universally panned. had a double album cover, which when opened displayed a very sheepish-looking muddy wearing a white robe and not looking too angelic. it was a blip in the chronicle of the times and quickly sunk without a trace.

except that chuck d., later to become part of rap group whose name i cannot at the moment remember heard it, loved it, and it gradually pulled him into the chess catalogue of chicago blues. so the film was intercut with reassembling the "mud" band and doing it again, sans muddy who has passed on.

marshall chess insisted the origional intent was to use the psychedelic hook to introduce the hippies to electric chicago-based blues. altho i don't think it worked that way, it did for chuckie d. he made the comment that "the kids of today" are not much aware of the music of 5 years ago, not to mention robert johnson, sonnyboy williamson II, magic slim etc.

i had that album and played it on and off for years, kind of liked it in an off-center way, even tho by then i was very familiar with the blues - the first 45 (remember them?) i ever bought was "mannish boy" by muddy. i'm still a nut for otis spann, the keyboard player for muddy for many years. he and horace silver are the keyboard artisits i wish i could play like.

anyway it brought back memories of living in boulder colorado with wife and two twin children - they had thier first christmas there - during the tail end of the 60's, almost said tailspin. nice house tucked away on canyon blvd., in a neighborhood i later came to understand astounding amounts of all kinds of dope moved in and out of on a daily basis.

another time, another place, another me, another space.

here is a site sent to me by a member of ken wilber discussion group. too much for me to poke around in at the moment, let me know what you find if you do:


Thursday, October 2, 2003


this picture was an old watercolor i fixed with oil pastel. got truck heater back together, sort of, hope the defroster works, hope the whole thing doesn't quit in the middle - or beginning - of winter.

it's funny not having much to say lately. working on poetry book, music CD, but words escape me. or maybe i escape them.

task for tonight: see if i can stay awake long enough to find out about enneagrams. if i do, i'll be right back.

ok here it is:
Conscious self
Overall self
Take Free Enneagram Test

Wednesday, October 1, 2003

i'm sooo tired. remember john lennons song? sleepless 7-10 days plus medication change. i'll be in bed by 8 tonight.

last nite went to bed at 1 AM, this morning i got up at 5, tested blood sugar (low) ate breakfast and had a cup of coffee, got back into bed and read a little of ken wilber's appendix C of new manuscript (found on shambala.com's site). put me to sleep until 10.

when i got up and still had low blood glucose. nonetheless twinkled new computer set-up, put truck heater blower back in truck. i don't think it'll last the winter, only runs on high. plus i have to do the yearly reconfiguration of under the dash adjustments which i dislike intensly. objective is to get heat into cab and window defrosters, has to be done with paper clips and chewing gum, on account of broken plastic connectors.

last nite had good wilber meeting. met a lady who moved down from cashiers nc, jackson county, my old stomping grounds.

i lived for five years with wife and children way up in the southern part of the county. it was an important part of my life, one i still dream about. one of the things that i miss about that lost world was the weather. cool liquid breezes, like mountain streams flowed thru the open windows at nite. it was a time and place, like some others in my life, that marked me.

come to find out from the lady, karen, that that has changed: the summers and winters are about like here in asheville. i was astounded by this information, but it makes sense. it's happening everywhere else. it never occured to me that that scene was over, vamoosed, nothing but a memory. those cool, moist breezes have moved on.

for those of us who think the internet is an exception to the capitalist choke hold on information, check this out:

Project Censored: "Such degree of market control spells trouble for freedom of information on the Internet. Cable and phone monopolies would become clearinghouses for information. Corporations and government agencies will hold tremendous power to filter and censor content. ISPs already have the capability to privilege, or block out, content traveling through their web servers. With the demise of open access regulations, Internet content will likely resemble the 'monotonous diet of corporate content' that viewers now receive with cable television."

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

haven't slept well for about a week now. my computer and i have been in upgrade hell, but i think my 266MZ G3 is now a 500MZ G4. email sending still a little questionable but i'll tweak it tomorrow.

haven't kept up with what is happening in the so called real world, but the predictable seems to be playing out with our leaders. lost in the jungle without a clue, dragging the whole country along with them. there seems to be a feeling out there that arrogence and ignorence in the leadership doesn't pay off too well, a smattering of jubilation that it is starting to show, seams fraying. but these folks have spent a lifetime not seeing you and me, do not expect them to learn from experience.

Saturday, September 27, 2003


Watercolor I found. My guess Is that i did it a year ago.

Haven't said much lately about the war, elections, or politics. So here goes:

The oligarchs are too insulated, isolated, they have no feel for how ordinary madmen - and women - live. like you and me. they actually think what they are doing is preserving what is an obsolete world view, i.e. world.

Joe Sixpack and I might go along with the charade of it not being a charade, but as the world of institutions, making a living, and rampant egoism tilts, shakes and trembles, we are all feeling understandably uneasy. More so every day.

And that uneasiness is a necessary step towards some kind sanity. Hope it happens soon.

Meanwhile it is a nice rainy fall evening and I'm stuck trying to open my g3 to put a zif chip in. I've opened it before but (gulp) can't remember how. Maybe I'll go sling some paint around and crash.

Friday, September 26, 2003


backing up all the pictures i have floating around i found this. i don't know who did it.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

taking a morning walk this morning, i saw a truck pass by with a bumper-sticker that read "trees please". small letters, but at least i think that was what it said.

not like the one i saw the other day: "honk if you don't exist."

but the best was what somebody said on pbs show last night:

religion is for people afraid of going to hell
spirituality is for people who have been there

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

found out today that warren zevon died. he had terminal (of course) cancer.

i don't think his was a household name, but surely we all remember "werewolves of london". he was brilliant, erratic, and put out a long string of obscure, ironic music. recovered drunk, wildman, gun nut, dangerous, smart in the best sense of the word. put out one last CD shortly before his demise.

my personal favorite (which i've been looking for for years) is "transverse city" (1989). the second cut, "run straight down", is, like the rest of the CD, like nothing i've heard before or since.


it expresses the dark side of the new world we are sliding into better than any music i know of.


Monday, September 22, 2003


oil pastel.

woke up this morning with very elevated blood-sugar, insulin pump ran dry during the night. one more piece of evidence that i need to do one thing at a time. too many computer conundrums, monitor fever.

so i went on sick-day routine, lots of extra insulin and water, dazed in bed until about noon. usually in my experience takes about a day to get right.

i did mess with the ongoing email problem. you don't want to know the details and i don't remember them. but i've got most of my address book back, along with all my settings, profiles, and mail.

only thing is i can receive email but can't send. about where i was 4 days ago.

the world situation brings to mind 2 lyrics from the world of rock and roll:

"there's less and less to say" -late dylan.
"i'm not talkin; thaaaat's what i got to say" -early yardbirds

Sunday, September 21, 2003


well, the hell with it. I steadied what's left of my mind and focused on this email boondoggle today for about 11 hours. At one time I could send and receive mail, but no bookmarks. Since then things have degraded and presently I have lost address book, ability to send or receive emails, and all my bookmarks. Now I have to spend hours dampening the adrenalin, fade out as gracefully as I can, and work on some other stuff tomorrow, drive up to the parkway, paint a picture in the dark, and practice the yo-yo a bit.

talked to daughter-in-law Melissa today. Hurricane was high wind, rain, a few branches rattled. No electrical outage. I also talked to old friend George. They both said the same thing that I said, too busy to enjoy the fall. Beautiful day outside and I spent it in this cybercave.

George's problem is a little different: when he is in his cabin in Yadkin county, it ceases to be a problem.

He told me to vote for Dean, which was a useful tip since that world has really vaporized for me. But I think dean has a big problem: it's the way he looks on TV. Bob Dole, who by all accounts is a warm and decent man, had the same problem. My prediction: if they don't fix his video persona he'll lose. By fix I don't mean Hollywood, let his character be a part of the picture. If he has to resort to plain old harsh, emotional outbursts, that can win for him - as long as he is comfortable with himself and talks straight. A really optimistic outcome would be if this required straight talk. Whoever can do that from that world to this one wins. People are more than ready for it.

You may notice that I am using Bogger's new spell checker. It makes me capitalize things.

Saturday, September 20, 2003

honey i shrank the picture (below). the one that was up yesterday was too big.

still wrestling with sending email. i can receive i can't send. this has to be the simplest problem that has ever turned me into a cyber-zombie. i break off fixing it to do a few fun things but i must persevere. very severe. i hooked up cd burner, and want to pop new zif in but not until i can send you an email.

Friday, September 19, 2003


did this this morning, kind of borrowed from an older watercolor.

i'm still unable to email from netscape 7 and i've lost 2 days fooling with it. starting to think G3 266MZ is not enough to run it. will make quick workaround. getting away to do some errands now.

Thursday, September 18, 2003


the picture is a redo of a pencil drawing by my son eric he dis as a kid. found it on arizona trip.

i bit the bullet this morning and seriously tried to fix my email problem. all day until dinner, then i took a walk. beautiful twilight.

a phone call in the morning may end this (particular) ordeal.

meanwhile check this out: alex jones is the king of conspiricy perspective, so automatically suspect. but check him out. here is a good place to start:

Government Prior Knowledge and Involvement in the September 11th Attacks Archive

Wednesday, September 17, 2003


well i tried to modulate down today, a slight drift down from hypomania, i don't care how much i get done (or don't). took a walk at 4pm and wonder of wonders a clear, crisp cool sunny day. still can't send email from ns7. today new zif chip and cd-burner should arrive.

remember:"do one thing at a time". if this rule-of-thumb is contrary to the prevailing ethos, so be it. we're talking personal survival here.

click here to hear the remarkable good sense of mr soros in last sunday's interview:

"'You know, you pass the USA Patriot Act without proper discussion. And anybody who opposed it was accused of giving aid and comfort to the terrorists. So I think we've gone off the rail in this country...."
NOW: Politics & Economy - The World According to George Soros | PBS

Tuesday, September 16, 2003


i have been moving with long sustained hypo-maniac productive periods for more than a few days now. guess i should be thankful. i'm hanging on for dear life to the local prime injunction "do one thing at a time", but paintings, quicktime movies, primitive flash, and mp3s are falling like rain. look out! oh yeah i think i finished rework of poetry book. i'll put it up tomorrow.

as far as the 10,000 things, i'm getting the distinct impression that rumsfield will go. the universal unease is about to become capable of being talked about, which it has not been.

i saw mr. soros the gizzillionaire sunday on PBS and he talked like a human for a long time, very clear, i'll find a link to the interview and put it here.

then maybe i'll fix it so i can send email again.

Monday, September 15, 2003


this might seem reasonable. it might not.

"That gave agents reason to enter the property without a search warrant, Lasater said. The agents stepped in to stop underage drinkers from getting intoxicated and making bad decisions later on in the evening, such as driving while impaired, he said.

'If you took the time to get a search warrant, the party would be over,' he said."
heraldsun.com: Alcohol police bring parties to an end:

Sunday, September 14, 2003


today's brand new pic. off the top of my head what is happening:

cannot easily reply to or send email. trying to fix but just in fits and starts. so i'll be replying to recent mails soon.

beautiful morning, attended friend's meeting but didn't stick around to mingle.

worked on poem book most of the day. multiplexed and cleaned the domestic space.

pretty much gave up on watercolor i've been overworking. spend a little time each day finishing two oils. they seem to like this routine.

myself, i definitely feel things sliding. the uneasynease of our culture is about to be addressed. i feel we each have to be as clear as we can on what the meaning of the words are.

Friday, September 12, 2003


i got more response on the "monad-dyad" thing than i have in a long time. it makes me think (ouch) that my cohort, our peers, are maybe more of a philosophical post-metaphysical bent than i had realized. or i guess i knew this, it was just a reminder.

thanks to radio and tv i remembered that yesterday was september 11. floated a prayer. worked on 3 pictures, 1 watercolor and 2 oils. when to stop? initiated walking regime yesterday evening, 45 minutes, and guess what? it really helped me sleep. so i'm going to slip out right now and do it again.

Wednesday, September 10, 2003


todays twaddle. got up early, saw doc, got scrips, drove downtown and bought a new pair of shoes. no, not dancin' shoes. came home and twaddled all day. tomorrow i start daily walk routine in the early morning.

Tuesday, September 9, 2003


still puttering. time has slowed down. endless emergents. creative burst, lots to do, doing lots.

Sunday, September 7, 2003

just got back from seeing premier of "Meher Baba: God in Human Form" at UNCA. excellant excellent production.

in the first place there is a structure that is crystal clear, which i know is one of the hardest things to do. hats off to peter nordeen who i think had a lot to do with that.

secondly, the production values were tip-top, lot of ken burns transtitions (lotta great old b & w photos to work with). nice clear soundtrack thanks john gunn. and everybody else who played a part in this movie. it presents the arc of Baba's life in a clear manner, with just enough mystery left in. not pushy. loved it.

Saturday, September 6, 2003

crankin along

picture says it all. or some of it. i got very little to say today, so i did the picture.

this morning was beautiful, more than a hint of fall. what a relief. but i stayed in front of the computer nearly all day, working on my poetry book. it's taking shape. know what i mean?

took time out to take bed apart and clean it, but i sure hurt my ribs doing it.

working on an oil, a watercolor, and a musical piece featuring guitar in open d, hawaaiin guitar in open d, and er hu chinese fiddle in key of d. course this was the culmination of a lot of tuning but i think i got it.

falling into old bad habits, so i'm going to leave computer off tomorrow, go to friend's meeting at 10 and film of Baba's life peter nordeen and (lots of) friends just finished at 4 i think. so i'm

Back in the Saddle Again

Friday, September 5, 2003

maybe summer will end. while i was waiting, happened upon something called something like "NFL Kickoff". (on tv of course).

and now i know what the "Brittany Spears" product/brand looks like in action. on the national mall, capital dome in the background, very high tech glossy translucent stage attractively hung with a billions of dollars worth of space-age electronics. where martin luther king was a hunred years ago.

the congruencies between the state, bizness, commercial sports, commercial son et lumiere, choreographed audience, and so forth was easy to see. but hard to figure out.

Brittany and a cast of hundreds of dancers, musicians, sound techs, computer people, maybe thousands, basically does a state-of-art micheal jackson world with a feminine persona. replete sexual references, but all within a closely-knit highly stylized pseudo-titillation mode, ie grabbing her crotch, jerking her legs open etc.

it's a new age with new worlds and new owners.

soon you will be seeing small crisp colorful logos on our currency.

Wednesday, September 3, 2003

the only watercolor i did while in az last month.

dig this: another leading edge crack:

"a stark fact is being emphasized: 80 years after the discovery of insulin, a significant number of people around the world with diabetes die because they don't have access to the life-saving drug."

Tuesday, September 2, 2003

king of the winter

quick oil pastel. not my usual style(s). i trust it is not a sign of impending religiousity.

aint it?

slow oil pastel. done in arizona.

for a change this morning i thought i would post recent email correspondance. it is a good example of why pointy headed intellectuals like myself cannot park their bicycles straight.

reply to email---------------------------------
> The word monad comes from the greek word monos (from the word mono,
> which means "one", "single", "unique") and has had many meanings in
> different contexts:
> 1. Among the Pythagoreans (followers of Pythagoras) the monad was
> the first thing that came into existence.

hmmm. i thought it was eternal, unchanging, the One. so it exists beyond time and location always.

> The monad begat the
> dyad, which begat the numbers, the numbers begat points, which
> begat lines, which begat two-dimensional entities, which begat
> three-dimensional entities, which begat bodies, which begat the
> four elements earth, water, fire and air, from which the rest of
> our world is built up. The monad was thus a central concept in
> the cosmology of the Pythagoreans, who held the belief that the
> world was - literally - built up by numbers. (The source of this
> claim is Diogenes Laertius book Lives of Eminent Philosophers.)

i thought the dyad was the source of the manifest world (via chain of being). the monad somehow eminates it.

in vedic thought and other wisdom traditions there is the One (Brahma) and there is maya, sort of a consort of the One which somehow playfully produces it, and maya begins the cascade of manifest creation down to human conciousness, at which point the manifest begins the long climb back to the one. this process necessarily involves concious evolution - the personal and transpersonal conciousness. when the seer and the seen disappear bingo God realization.

the brahma-prana split is repeated by many traditions, eg parusha-prakti, nirvana-samsara, theos-logos, father son/logos, the One-Nous (plotinus), shiva-shakti, brahman-kali (ramakrishna).

> 2. Within certain variations of Gnosticism, especially those
> inspiered by Monoimus, the monad was the higher being which
> created lesser gods, or elements (similar to aeons). This view
> was according to Hippolytus inspired by the Pythagoreans.

philip k dick has a lot to say about this one, albeit in terms of sci-fi. the gnostics believed, similar to paul, that matter was evil and imperfect because it was an imperfect production of imperfect or evil maker - a false god. the real maker was far away (11 emanations or levels i think) and only infrequently broke thru into the manifest, ie like avatar.

> 3. In the writings of the philosopher Gottfried Leibniz, the monads
> appear as spiritual entities which make up the essence of our
> world. They do not interact with our world (are "windowless"),
> and do not have volume (do not take up space) and are thus
> impossible to detect by scientific methods. The arrangements of
> the monads make up the faith and structure of this world, which
> to Leibniz was "the best of all possible worlds".

very different monads. because they are plural. but still beyond time and location.

i'm reading wilber's online but still unpublished stuff which will i think become volume 2 of everything trilogy. he is saying there are no intermediate preexistants (as in platonic forms, jungian archtypes). instead, as conciousness evolves they become a pattern, albeit invisible. yeterday's a postori become todays a priori.

sure is fun to write about this stuff and not have a clue about it.