ho-hum. looks like i'm drifting into wall paper design. going to fletcher to buy some frames, then going w/ r&d to tom's for picnic.

furry creature in my backyard yesterday.

i happened to watch charlie rose last nite on TV and am glad i did. it was a whole hour w/ al gore selling his new book the assault on reason.

gore comported himself nicely. he actually did the thing that i have been hungering for, talked like a human. no shoving sound bytes back and forth. he was in the "personal" mode that the media filters out, that is talked like a real person. i loved his demenor and appearance, all in black, heavy, cowboy boots. while rose continually brought up the subject of running in '08, gore consistantly reframed the buzz question into a much larger context: not anti-bush, not anti republican, but a question of how TV and the media and we the people are disconnected from reality. had to be to let the criminal overworld take over as they have.

the difference between the managed gore and the man gore was mind blowing. personally i do not see why he would want to run in 08. he can do more good just by using his celebrity to appear on media and promote a whole new way of communicating on tv.

among subjects he touched on was the fear that the movers and shakers are feeling. republicans are scared, democrats are scared. of what? being steamrolled by the criminal mob that has moved in to steal everything in sight. hoover's famous black book probably pales in comparison w/ the dossiers the junta has on our govt. employees. blackmail?

the entire hour is viewable. google "gore rose" and look for video.

today's sight - above - is almost gouch. ugly. but, as they say
"there it is."

hmmm... something not quite right about this picture. no time to fix.

BAU - bizzness as usual

a piece of my head this morning. i am beginning to rethink posistion on politics. since the last prezidential election i have pretty much dropped out of any political shennanaigans because i think the action is beyond that domain, located more in the collective stylistics of the brand name culture growing like topsy around us, and more importantly into us. we are in a similar position as say the indiginous americans were when europeans arrived. that is, without being aware of it our native language is being replaced by a foreign tongue, that of the market, profit, logos, power point, meetings where nothing can be said. so that is the arena where i have chosen my battle.

responsibility= the ability to respond.

today's missive from the other world.

as always these days

more later

unfortunately i have found that a picture a day does not keep the doctor away. but it does keep some part of my mind/body/spirit busy. which may not be a good thing always. doing nothing may be the prime directive in which case i missed the boat again.

saw a video thingy at the genz's sat. nite, along with a fine dinner. bautiful work, i'll relay the sculpter's name when i remember it.

if this site goes wacky for awhile it is because i am redoing format which is usually a little iffy with blogger templates. but it is definitely time for redo so i'll start today.

busy week ahead, doctors, shopping for camper top and tent, along w/ straightening out auto insurence, screens on windows, printing a whole bunch of color pictures that you may have seen here but that have never been printed. adding to portfolio of foolishness, but what can a poor boy do?

this morning's ideogram. layed low all day, did get a grocery run in. for reasons unknown i tackled vegas 7, getting serious about learning and using it to communicate whatever it is that wants out of my head. i'm still catching up from the loss of time a few days in the hospital can cause, but spent the afternoon dozing in bed anyway.

foto below is my son eli's translucent electrical pointer atatop roof. above is foto of friend jeff taken in spooky craggy gardens on parkway about a week ago.

jeff was dropped off in aville by daughter olivia and friend who were driving to CD area for new jobs, new life.

spent a few days in aville visiting friends and places and took off friday morning for reunion of a few old friends in chapel hill area where we had mispent youth. at predesignated meeting area we met w/ doug, ralph, mike, miriam, sue, john, bev and billy arthur. there was much confusionabout others who may have been wondering around lost. visited my son eli and melissa, and their beautiful children lily and natalie. then on to daughter nicole's house to visit and spend the night with her and grandson corbin.

sat. we met up w/ same folks in wilson park. others not in sight. big rain storm ended this. my idea was to kidnap jeff and show up unannounced at lynn's who was ensconced in her new ranch. bu alas this did not occur.

so j and i went to weaver st. about 3 and were lucky enough to run into larry and elva. while we were talking i did blood sugar test and was astounded to read "498". did correction bolus and carried on. but an hour later BG still read 498. so injected correction bolus.

drove back to nicole's and from here things get a little murky. even tho i was testing, trouble shooting etc when i awoke the next morning i must have been well into DKA. i was projectile vomiting and goofy. the house was filling up w/ nicole's friends and i finally hit the floor passed out. they called 911, a very good idea, and i was ambulanced to ICU at what i used to call bowman gray hospital. the ICU folks slowly lowered my BG by a lot of saline solution added to the mix. the fact i was on a pump seemed to throw them, and there were times when 6 or 7 doctors - resdent interns? -would be discussing my case a few feet away, i could hear misinformation being passed around like in that game one plays where a "secret" is passed around a circle of people to see what it has become after the passing around, morphed by multiple subjective worlds.

i was still not fully present but did manage i think by acting the fool to point out to docs that i was the guy who could put them into the picture. they just could not bring themselves to talk to a live patient. anyway by taking me off the pump and switching to lanus insulin they brought me down and after a day in ICU i was switched into the general population. my daughter in law melissa works in a research facility in a nearby building and visited, as well as jeff and nicole, bu i had no telephone, email or wireless to connect with friends i had looked foward to seeing.

the hospital, BTW, had changed into a blade-runner like complex full of organizational zig zags where one never feels certain of what is happening to them.

so i spent a day or so in a room with a nice man who had just been diagnosed with liver cancer. the next morning i was clear enough to realize, as preposterous as it sounds, that the only way i could straighten out pump, insolin etc was to get out of there. when the doctor's made thier rounds the next morning i surprised them by jumping out of bed fully dressed including shoes and telling them i was out of there. i compromised and let them do the paper work for release and nicole drove me back to her house. she had taken jeff to raleigh hotel the night before and he flew back to NM.

i spent the next day wondering what had happened with the rest of the "reunion", couldn't remember a few passwords which kept me from email and updating thuis blog. quickly established that pump was working fine, changed out all parts as well as insulin and everything was hunky dory. spent time with son eli who was visited by his friend macon who is the son of one of the missing old farts who lived and rambled in the area a generation before. he had just used acid the first time to turn out an MP3, so when i got back to nicole's ended up staying up until 1:30 working with the same software to begin a little muzak piece.

next day i regrouped, had a pleasant, very pleasant time with eli and his daughter natalie, then drove to doug and marsha's for a relaxed dinner and conversation, drove back to nicole's where everyone was asleep and worked on muzak piece.

next morning was friday and i packed and hit the road after stopping for awhile at eli and melissa's. beautiful day to drive, listened to jerry lee and decided to learn keyboards for "when your blonde hair turns to gray". got back around 7, noticed 3 or 4 trees had been planted in front which was the best thing that has happened to the "bunker" - my domicile - since i have lived here.

so that's the story people. next step is to straighten out all the mess that a day or two missed will cause a denizen our times. get a camper top and a tent. i plan to spend a lot of this summer casmping out in the woods highr up the mountain. you know, higher ground.

back in avillebeautiful weather in chapel hill. unfortunately i ended up in gigantic medical complex for 2 or 3 days with diabetic DKA. so i have no idea of what happened to the whirlwind reunion of old cognitively impaired folks, or of the mysterious abcense of miss nancy and tucker.

since i have so many deadlines and dead lines, my relunctance to tangle with the real world so-called clicked into play and i made this thing over the last few days in between phone calls, moppoing floors, grocery shopping and so forth. note: in my right mind (or yours) i would have included volume dial and music off button.

i'm getting interested in flash again.

[ok i finally removed it, see above]

did this a few minutes ago from the 649th photo i have taken with sony dsc-v3. for the usual reason, it has to serve as a syntactical representation of what i am saying, or maybe it's the compliment.

and what was i saying?

matthew fox:

"Meister Eckhart says, "A person works in a stable. That person has a breakthrough. What does she do? She returns to the stable." Returning to our work world with a new worldview is renewing. We are called to infiltrate our work worlds today.
from the reinvention of work

it's five in the evening and i just got around to creating today's crytogram. so what good does it do me? any portents or rainbows have already breezed away.

well the good was the doing, not the done. and doing in the way i like to think about it, is accepting the is of things. any signs are a creation of the imagination and that makes them "real", just as the imagination makes the manifest world "real".

so:
what?

this morning's cryptogram. light in the window. an appropriate sign.

saw a few folks last nite at DLL.

pleasant evening, swaths of rain came and went.
gangs of moisture heaven-sent.

i learned that baloons, nothing but skins full of air, are full of surprises.
and twilight implies a few sunrises.

varnish on acrylic can take a long time to dry.
"i fell in a trap", the consensual cry.

grayhound busses need thier sleep
a birthday or two is something to keep.

foto taken from back seat of spiffy motorcycle on the parkway. richard was in driver's seat. we went up to craggy gardens and then back a back way. had serpintine belt replaced on truck. when we got back the new owners of apt. were gathered on what i still think of as caroline's front porch. still unsure of what future holds for this deal, but if they raise my rent i'm in for a big change.

today's agenda includes buying a camper cover. it is quite possible i'll be on the road a week from today.

wordjive: the dems as usual seem to be stumbling around the world of instant memes. the clarifying sound byte could be "we put dates for troop withdrawel in bill knowing it would be vetoed in order to force bush to talk with us, since there has been no dialogue with the man or his henchmen".

well maybe not use the word "henchmen".

i made the cut for "day in the life of asheville photo project. i understand these are on exhibit at library downtown. go here to see the whole shebang:
CITIZEN-TIMES.com: Photo Gallery: A Day in the Life of Asheville

or here to see my modest contribution:
CITIZEN-TIMES.com: Photo Gallery: A Day in the Life of Asheville

poster for upcoming 40th anneversary of Chapel Hill Darshan and Re-reunion of harry's crowd.

for details:
Harry's, Chapel Hill, 60's
yahoo group: harry's40th

poster is by mark riney who told me he had fun "learning photoshop" to produce it.(!) click for full size image.

picture of myself and jeff d. and some aville icon. taken during ray's visit. i wish i could relate some of the conversation we had, but it was not in a mode like powerpoint that lends itself to replication thank god. in many ways a throwback to what "rap" used to mean, no holds barred, collective improvisation, fun. it is a way of knowing and being known that is a healthy departure from the logoized brand name mode that has us surrounded today.

ray kass, old friend strolling thru aville yesterday. more later.

watercolor. i started it yesterday morning and finished it this morning. it was offhand and easy.

think i'll do another one.

beautiful weather yesterday but inner weather was dark for most of the day, metabolic excursion, couldn't get in in gear until late afternoon. hooked up with doug, ray, and jeff for pleasant evening of conversation not unlike those of ancient past. a reminder that we are here for some mysterious reason and the job is to become ourselves and maybe we are doing just that. when i got home a message from miss nancy who must be on the road or in greensboro.

like i have said from time to time, being chris is a hard job but someone has to do it. i'm it. more later, i have to listen to the birds right now.

natalie, my youngest grandchild, taken last week. she's magic.

big day today, doug is around, down from his yancey county hideaway, and ray kass, an old friend from collage zoo will be at the asheville art museum tonight delivering a talk on john cage and his watercolors.

i got up real early, been to the grocery store and back. putting finishing touchs on CD. more than that actually, i've decided to incorporate a little vocal surprise into each track. how long will it take? beats me. either minutes, days, or weeks.

finished an oil last night. a learning excercise it was, not very successful but it was fun. and frustrating.

woke up this morning. so far so good. took blood glucose reading, adjusted, had a pizza slice for breakfast, ingested daily medication, lay down and woke up this morning - again - at 11:30.

it is a question of delayed bounce back. rest & recovery in slow motion. and everything else goes so fast.

picture above is early evening in chatham county. taken from eli and melissa'a yard.

i did a lot of driving - and riding - during this trip. the monkey mind provided a running commentary on the 2 lane back roads i covered, flashes of flashes, deju vue's, ancient events. all imaginary of course because the narritive of my younger years is hopelessly muddled, pieces of a past that exists only in the memory of some cosmic beast wondering in a trackless forest.

pretty sure it's a forest altho i am guessing. either that or a desert.

this is a picture that did not make it into "day in the life of asheville" project. i wish it had but i totally screwed up the procedures for submitting and misunderstood the rules.

tuesday afternoon in aville. so i must be back. exhausting trip. son eli and family seem well and youngest grandchild natalie is a sweetie, really beautiful. daughter nicole has moved into what seems to be one of those developments that emulate the old idea of "town", a commons (?), walking etc. grandson corbin hit a home run. helped eli and his friend macon - who turns out to be the son of one macon richardson, now retired in india. visited doug and marsha for a lovely break, spent the night in butner nc with friend ninian and we drove to warren county to visit with d and ludie. wait a minute. what about visit with jim? it's all kind of blurry.

i'm outa here. back next week.

did this just for the hell of it this morning. got out early and dropped off goodwill stuff, then a big load of books for UU book sale.

the background hum of the noise machine led me into some questions the last couple of weeks. has to do with a suspicion that the evolutionary leads to an interest in the beginning and end. of everything.

how did the universe start? big bang.

is there an end? big bang.

or, like the description i saw last nite on tv repeating a classic maxim, "the universe has no center and no boundrys". extend this to the 4th dimension and you get time has no beginning and no end.

turtles all the way up and all the way down.

i had too much to dream last nite.

do you remembver the song? electric prunes i think.

i have no idea of who owns my domicile. or who i pay rent to. or why.

all will become clear in time, as my mind simultaneously fogs up.

today i get ready to leave in the morning. for 5 days or so.

the net is morphing so fast that my guiness book of hurled records stunt, to see how long i can resevere with old hardware, ancient os, and odd apps may be coming to an end.

Community Leaders Call For Hooker Odom's Ouster As Providers Move To Close Their Doors | BlueNC: "Community Leaders Call For Hooker Odom's Ouster As Providers Move To Close Their Doors"

it was a dark and stormy night... last night. tree fell on apt., i didn't hear it. spent some of the day reviwing rulues for "day in the life of asheville" photo essay. i simply got qrapped up in other things and had forgotten about it. so my photos may not meet entry requirements.

but they went anyway. away.

offline most all of yesterday. server problem, dns lag, etc. got a little done, but i forget what they were, only that i had a lot of household tasks long delayed. at ms nancy's urging started a yahoo group for upcoming meet of old school harry's folks, hope it proves useful. realized late in day that this was the day designated to photo document life in asheville which i had more or less forgotten. so i took my camera to meet peggy at 4 to see the namesake. late to movie but enjoyed seeing it. since i've dropped out of the movie audience i have seen almost no movies for a number of years, so each time i do see one i am like a 4th world denizen, mezmorized by the color, light, shadows, sounds. this movie had it all and more. beautiful world created, story that was easy to follow even though narritive line was quirky, vast jumps, playful cuts, just the way i like it. i don't seem to get much from straight narritive anymore. left theatre around 6 on a very rainy day and shot a few street scenes, one of which might work for the photo project. i hope. recorded piano and guitar last nite. i have been listening to what i have recorded since xmas with the help of live pro 7 and decide to erase all files, none really make it, but recording and arrainging them was a deep learning experience so now i'll start on a new CD, halfway knowing the software. i kind of want to call it old & on the way. i think i posted notice of my landlady caroline's death, she died in hospice friday the 13th. i fully expect changes and hike in rent to follow, she had kept my rent low out of altruism a lot of folks had no idea she possessed. pretty much caught up on must-do stuff before trip to chapel hill which i expect to visit this coming wednesday for maybe a week.

this morning's texture. lost in the woods again, asking myself how one can be lost in the woods where there is no path. if there is a path you are not in the woods.

busy day ahead, i'll post something senseble later.

found in the forest, like so many things.

or lost in the forest, like dante.

a gloomy, overcast day today. the way i like it. quiet. i actually got a lot done.

and decided for lack of the proper word that i will leave for chapel hill next wednesday. between now and then i am concentrating on getting healthy and organized and focused.

found ou today that eduardo nunez with a tilde died in argentenia of cardiac reasons. i did not know him well, but remember him well.

i can't mess around with this easter flash animation any longer. [note: i did fix most of it this evening, code that was spilling out onto page is now gone. i'll put a stop to the loop tomorrow.]

spent the afternoon at the ER, took a book, read and napped between tests. turns out i had a ruptured vein close to the surface of ankle, hematoma? and i am on the mend.

so i will take care of some issues this week and get down to the triangle thursday or friday, maybe on to myrtle beach.

piece of cardboard after spending a little time with me.

when was the last time you had a hoot?

ho-hum. day evaporates.

another day, another dollar.

as my friend mr. smith used to reply as i slipped out the door after a workday, "you mean you get a whole dollar?"

back yard. last night. or twilight. things were very quiet.

too quiet.

---

while he thought he was mulling this over, the lights went out and the starry sky rolled into position overhead. there were too many moons, so he left his perch on the park bench and wondered north in the night despite not registering the cracks in the sidewalk.

---

went to see doc w/ what i thought was a spider bite, he seems to think it is some sort of trauma to the ankle, gravity pooling blood etc.

i had a flash last night and decided to unify this bloggerama, taking the direction my friend chall gray seems to be taking. (he is the youngest son of one of my oldest friends, sam gray, no longer with us on this train.)

just sentences. reading farewell my lovely (again? don't know yet) kind of reinforces this mode. so here goes:

---

glanced down at the road. mistake. it had vanished, followed by a row of red glowing dots snaking behind in the dark.

it's tuzday pm and i just had to do a fix on the image below. so i did.

watercolor i fooled endlessly with while marooned w/out a car. it didn't work so as is my habit i tried to rescue it. learned a few things. it will go in failure pile.

this morning i will visit richard and debbie to see if wireless works on their network. into town to buy pair of badly needed shoes. stop at insurance store to make sure truck coverage is what i need. order memory stick from amazon, thanks to oldest son eric's birthday gift. send mp3 i did to nephew jonathon for his birthday. finish cleaning up "studio". stop by hospice to visit carolyn. maybe make an appointment with doc for a very swollen ankle - bug bite i think. get ready to drive to chatham county.

upgraded to new blogger, now have to do tricks to post. i guess a g3 running os 9 is going to have to be relegated to spare parts pile.

i'm posting this to see if work-around works around.
----------------------------------------------------
well it kind of works.

the above image is a piece of wood i found yesterday.

talked to miss nancy on fone yesterday, looking out back window, when much to my susprise new management walked past w/ 2 well dressed folks and into basement. new owners? buyers?

when i pay this months rent i'll rattle cage a little, find out what is happening. saw carolyn in hospice friday, she wants to go home.

what it might look like if you were just back from kiev.

talked to daughter nicole this morning, her brothers eli and nathan will be helping her finish her move this morning. this weekend.

just finished a painting. interesting because it was definitely one of those cases of a watercolor gone wrong. i have been developing habit of finishing these anyway. often learn a lot. this one i added guach. a lot on one section. now i'm curious about a watercolor i saw reproduced in a book where the artist had used a varnish or shellac over guache - on paper i guess - and do the same.

also hope to finish birthday present for my nephew jon. of course his birthday was a few months ago.

otherwise my day is aimed towards

kleening up my area.

out my front door. plant is forsythia, night comes dark.

delightful conversation with son eli this morning.

today is gray, that's what they say, i'm going out any old way.

old errends never end, they just begin again.

yesterday was blur, bouncing here and there, all fell into place. thanks to everyone that helped me. i am now mobile, which means i can buy a new belt that fits me. and shoes, groceries. return library books. activities that have been on hold for awhile. road trip coming up.

wheel problem solved. karma, manners and spirit win every time. i will be shopping for some kind of camper unit, lightweight, simple. the wild is definetly calling me. maybe a field trip, the golden strand, san juan rockies, n. arizona.

west asheville?

twilight in leicester yesterday. shot RAW format, still don't know what to do with it.

ok ok i know i'm on vacation in the canadian rockies talking to a marmoset at 6,000 feet above sea level and am breaking my rule about a week off. but i had a dream last night - this morning really - and am compelled to comment on it.

short story even shorter, the godess asked me in a light hearted way as i sat myself before the play began, "can i help you?" twinkle in the eye, hint of hostess. i replied "i'd like to like you to help me."

out of curiousity i looked at this blog's posts from 4 years ago, the begining of the Bush War. below is some of what i found:

"today the noise is talking about maybe we will preemptively strike iraq before they premptively strike us before the war starts. public discourse will never recover from this kind of jumbled language.

the main thing about the start of the war is that at that point i will be rooting for our side - once the ballon goeas up a lot of us, as the buzz word at my former employer intel goes, will "disagree and commit".

but i still think the war is a bad idea. why?

well not because war, any war, needs to relagated to past cultural eras (altho it does). sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

but not this time. because:

1) we are uninformed about the worldview in that part of the world. how things are settled. often a problem is solved without even talking openly about it, just a word here, a realignment there. as vietnam proved it is a bad idea to fight a war against a people you can't talk with because you don't comprehend the local worldview.

2) if we win in one day and saddam's body is displayed on tv (don't be surprised if this happens) we will just have begun a long, draining, frustrating, dangerous, and expensive series of blunders that will cost us and the world dearly. remember yugoslavia, another arbitrary country made up of disparate peoples?

3) one of the justifications of the war we hear repeatedly from the vox populi is that the president knows things we don't. this is true. and some of the things he knows are no doubt blood-curdling threats to our susvival.

however it is good to remind ourselves that we know things he doesn't. the corporate oligarchy running this war is by definition out of touch with the way you and i live. remember bush sr.'s problem with checking out in a grocery line? i would feel much better if the prez and his cabinent each spent a couple of months on the street with few resources, learned about our world, returned to government and then made their decision about war.

....

5) the deal as of now is that if iraq disarms before the 17th no war. iraq is considered disarmed when england and the u.s. say so. that is the sole criteria today.

6) the scripted press conference last week, and the governor's yearly meeting the week before with the president; each governor got to ask the prez 2 questions submitted in advance. in the past these events were loose and people TALKED to each other. the secrecy, the disnformation to the american people, the extreme twisting of logic and rhetoric make the hitlarian "big lie" look like a very primitive way to manipulate the public. if there is any public left.

.....

the war wobbles on. people like myself, and there are a lot, find themselves in the interesting position of how to comment on the decision's of the government as the language of public discourse continues to shrink into a small puddle of pre-canned cliches.

on the one hand i do not wish disaster to our troops. i want them to survive and win.

on the other hand the ineptness, the hubris, the linguistic distortions of our government, the newly institutionalized secrecy, the corporate connection, can only be ignored by a self-imposed denial.

some of the recent postings on this site do not so much represent, in my view, absolute truth as much as they represent perspectives absent from the "main stream media". (tip of the hat to the neo-conservitives am radio rabble rousers for that last phrase.)

we are not losing the war. we are seeing, sort of, what happens when a lot of powerful, culturally isolated people born and bred to money and power, sit in closed, sealed rooms, incapable of understanding worldviews other than thier own, or of even realizing that there are other worldviews, and plan the future.

one of the things i have been hearing over and over from am radioland is "the president knows more than we do." i disagree. he knows different things than most of us. but because of class and socio-economic distinctions, he and his cohorts are surprisingly naive about the world of other people. including the islamic world.

repeating myself: saddam's hold on a piece of the world is a problem. the hundred's maybe thousands of those like him will continue to be a problem as time goes by. the proliferation of WMD, like saturday night specials, will continue to be a growing problem.

the war, win lose or draw, will not solve any of these problems but only add to them. only rubes, marks, aristocratic provencials, or corporate oligarchs incapable of transcending thier point of view can think otherwise."

if i, the archtypical or maybe typical man on and of the street, reacted to the initiation of the Bush War as the above indicated, how come?

spent yesterday hoofing it, signed title to defunct truck over to mechanic, UPSd biz papers, stocked up on groceries, took taxi home.

visited by succubus last nite.

beyond synchronicity. or maybe meta-synchronicity.

what happens when everything is so synchronistic that "i" don't notice it? one hand clapping?

i can't seem to wake up today. but if i do i'll write something cogent about responsibility being the ability to respond and the qustion "respond to what?"

lovely day outside yesterday. didn't see much of it.

but i did see this - well actually a bit of it - that strangely lifted my spirits: buddy guy and jerry lee lewis singing and playing "hadacol boogie". not sure of the production, but it was on PBS fund raiser. a tribute to jerry lee, all kinds of young, middle-age, and old musicians, very loose. buddy had never played w/ jerry lee before, and probably no running thru the song prior to performance. in fact i don't think any of it was setup beforehand, just drop in and play awhile along with whatever the last man standing came up with. i didn't watch much of it but the short piece with buddy and jerry playing "hadacol boogie" was a knockout and a real piece of real americana before it evaporated in the face of money and technology: mississipi delta, southside chicago, hillbilly, shades of jimmy rogers and hank williams. american music from the back porch before it became another monument to corporate grandiousity and greed. below is short trailor but alas, no mr. guy.

and if you are unfamiliar with "hadacol" you're not as old as i am. it connects the patent medicine snake-oil potions of 19th century with today's deluge of pharmaceutical modd enhancers.

picture i got in mail from sister jane. taken last nov-dec.

i've been thinking about the word "home". obviously one of the basic signifiers for us humans. during my lifetime there were plenty of novels published dealing with this concept. i think kurt vonnegut's son first - and only? - book circled around the word. this was one of the best coming of age in the 60's accounts that i have read, but it was awhile back and i may be misremembering the "home" subtext. (can't remember the title either).

when i lived in prescott az in the 80's there was a very quiet group, cult, religion, or group outside of town called "home". they ran the best small bookstore i have ever visited, every book a keeper.

so many novels about finding home. a sign of the times, then and now, although i don't know if recent lit. follows this theme or typos.

i have heard of an effort to recast the "homeless" as the "houseless". this seems to me to not be a good thing. a house is not a home. (this is the title of a book by polly adler (?), but the subject is altogether different). if the homeless are merely houseless then we are all homeless, but some have houses which are, in this scenario, commodities to flip, buy and sell for profit.

the concept of home runs deep, back to the last ice-age. various linguistic artifacts point to this. "home is where they have to take you in". "home is where the heart is".

in a time where home is considered a temporary investment, a financial instrument affected by your neighbors facades, where many have second homes and many have none, it is no wonder so many books have been written with the subtext of finding one's home. a modern concern, but one that does not find a voice in the official mediated discourse which has degenerated into meaningless postures anyway.

"show me the way to go home
i'm tired and i want to go to bed."

picture is from marathon walk yesterday, can't remember exactly where i took it.

posting late afternoon instead of first thing in the morning. the centerpiece of the day was a walk to the bank where i had a few things to do. i would guess it is about 2 miles there and ditto back. this is a walk i have taken over the years when necessary. but lately i have been avoiding it.

so i ran into this character on kimberly ave. looks a little photoshopped, no? well it is. it may be a clear case of not leaving well enough alone. anyway walked on and had a tough time making it. sure enough BG was low and that was why. got home 3 hours later.

at home i have begun kitchen, clearing, cleaning, scrubbing, mopping etc.

tonight i might take the plunge and phone technical support for a teensy computer conundrum i am dealing with. i tried last night, talking with a connection/voice i could hardly understand or hear. my gaurdian whatchamascallit must have been around, because i had sense enough to politely end the conversation and test BG - blood glucose - which was down into the grouchy stupid level so i adjusted and went to bed.

this mornings cyberdoodle. taken last summer.

the summer nights can be, of course, spooky around here. so can i, for that matter.

i am dealing with what i call "false pride". deep down in my soul i feel proud that i had no idea who annette something something is or was. you know, the lady logo who had so much fun that she died and the legal infrastructure had to be the instrument of deciding who "gets" her body.

false pride because who cares.

then there was the right wing radio noise i heard the other day talking about how in china a visitor's time to be a tourist often coincides with the execution of a prisoner with a good kidney.

it might even be true. it might become true. it might be forgotten. it might become material for a seinfeldt revival.

heros and victims, saints and sinners, winners and losers, the quick and the slow.

the age of meltdown. swords into plowshares not, but suicide vests into flowing vestments maybe.

yep. another doodle. graffiti? fine art? no.

seemd like the thing to do at the time.

and i'm sure it was.

visited my landlady in hospice yesterday thanks to b.j. who lives across the street. she was also kind enough to run me by grocery store and car insurance, both better late than never.

faded around 6 in the evening, up at 6 this morning. pretty solid sleep.

so what can i contribute to cybersphere this cycle? not much.

circle the wagons. button up. hunker down.

play some music. play around.

another riverside foto. i had a friend who was incarcerated at the old highlands nuthouse for awhile. she did ink drawings which often featured this creature, or something close to it. so i learned something, but don't exactly think it means much.

many roads traveled later i worked in these same buildings.

today there is too much to do. i'll let you know about it after the day is done.

another shot from riverside cemetery.

thanks to wolfe scholar jim for this link about t. wolfe's father's angels.

nothing much to report today: snow on the ground and my own perplexity about how life unfolds. i feel overwhelming need to change my way of living. as penultimate phase it serves it's purpose - whatever that may be - but leaves a little undone as ultimate faze.

too late for cry for help. and what might that be anyway?

i guess the most interesting to me development in my life is a new inability to express myself in words. spoken words, and i suppose the written as well. the language under words seems to intersect with the spoken and i end up either babbling or silent. and very very few people seem to pick up on the meta meaning, including myself. the other day friend t alluded to the manner in which i had just expressed something or another. not in an unkind way, but very observant. here is one of the few poems from 40 years ago i still have left that might be a foreshadowing of this situation:


Frozen at the Moment

The words come and
The the words go,
Leaving something
Just below.

Like icebergs sailing
Through the sky,
Chilly absence
Meets the eye.

An icy ripple
Without a name
That wakes me up:
I dream the same.

riverside cemetary in montford. i think i visited this place a long time ago, but not sure. t dropped by late afternoon and we drove there, most pleasant respite from the dithering i was engaged in all day.

yesterday was kind of... a disaster. helping bobby and rae move was more or less SOP, and i was glad to help. but when i got back things rearranged themselves so fast i'm still trying to catch up. first i lost the use of the car i have been using. this belongs to my landlady of ten years, c. she is in hospice where she has been for a couple of weeks. d., who is helping her manage the place, picked up the car which needs scheduled maintenance and inspection. she had told me to drive it because she never would again. i guess i won't either.

when i talked w/ d., who seems like a pleasant and reasonable human being, i realized that the hubbub surrounding the new situation involves some kind of lawsuit with one of the renters, and talking to the folks upstairs the night before who have moved out and want their deposit back that there probably will be something similar happening there.

there is apparently some sort of mold problem in both buildings which i was unaware of.

and d. drove off with a load of library books which i was taking back to library and i lost his phone number.

all signs that i need to move on to the next station on way to destination but i'm pretty overwhelmed. not quite paralyzed - deer in the headlights - but i was naive enough to think that things would unfold in some non=apocalyptic form. and they have, i guess, but i'm stuck bigtime.

my hope was buy vehicle and that would last longer than i will. and move one last time to somewhere i can settle into and get some work done.

but as we all know whatever is is, and whatever that is changes.

so i guess everything in this strange life story of mine is ok, but the specter of doom is right outside the door, lurking.

i suppose my next step is to invite it in out of the rain.

henderson county walk. treatment is a little on the gaudy side??

------------------------------->

that was this morning. i drove over to bobby and rae's around 12 i thought to help them load one particularly heavy object into truck. they are moving out of the city.

turned out i was needed on the other end so got back at 5:30. very rainy day, big uhaul got stuck on muddy uphill slope, tower called etc. but it was an ok outing, i enjoyed it.

now i'm trying to figure out how to turn cellphone off. i just got a text message - my first ever - from eddie murphy, followed by another telling me how many units i was charged.

now it beeps periodically. hope it means the battery is running down.