Tuesday, May 11, 2004

eyes

tuesday morning. saw an Israeli lady speak at Jewish community center last night. she is working on her own to promote peace with both cultures. beautiful presence, lifted my spirits considerably. i love her definition of peace:

"peace is when i look in your eyes and see myself reflected." not the opaque quality i have experienced recently.

i notice that posts are now displayed in proper sequence.

Monday, May 10, 2004

dot dot dot duh dot

blogger has relaunched and the most recent post now appears on the bottom instead of top. i'll fix as soon as i can.

Sunday, May 9, 2004

prayer

picture from citizen-times. that's my outside inside the circle.

ways to go before i can send book pdf to myrtle beach. it's going in the morning.

a lot of folks i see seem to be more and more emotional about the fix "people" are in today. the invisible culture cage is starting to show, snapping of synapse, subtle bodies compressing, all auras bent.

Saturday, May 8, 2004

beautiful day, now threatening thunderstorms. last night i went downtown and stood in the square with the ladies in black for an hour. they have been doing this since the warped war began. the air was very crisp, the wind blowing, and the echos of the traffic bouncing off the high rises all made it feel like some timeless place. i made the papers in today's offering, photo of prayer for peace gathering i'm in there somewhere. wondered down to civic center, great latin band from richmond playing, beautiful crowd, good food, little kids dancing. then i sat for an hour or so in the drum circle happening in the square. body music, total immersion, tourists gathering round and breaking into dance.

aville is definitely either the paris of the south or the sedona of the east. i'm ready to enjoy it.

perhaps because of the van gogh stars shining empty space i was released from the spell that has been pulling at me these last few weeks. the ghost of the spanish harlem mona lisa finally faded into fact. some of the girls who dated ted bundy must have felt like i do. i was conned, but by one of the best. totally sociopathic dissociated persona, a broken preditor who gives nihilism a bad name. how unbelievable, sad and unecessary.

Friday, May 7, 2004

5.7.4

pome

i'm feelin mighty empty
like when the clouds they blow away
the woman just walked out
she had nothin more to say

i knew her but i didn't
that was just her way
i bought it all, the good and bad
the nightmare and the day

i thought when we were naked
no need to hide from her
we weren't strangers when we met
but when she left we were

her gift to me was magic
a reflection in the sun
a mirror blazing in my face
what else could i have done?

helplessness is part of life
a part of strength also
twisted by an evil child
i knew i had to go

honesty demands a price
it must have a voice
like a hungry ghost
she thinks she has a choice

dark desert queen
thrills still pull you on
to the distant wreckage
i guess you call your song

Thursday, May 6, 2004

note

this is page from my notebook. what do you suppose it means?

Tuesday, May 4, 2004

from
Black Mountain College Museum&Arts Center:

Isn't it interesting that the muddle of one's personal search turns into human history for others! Doesn�t it feel substantial that what we choose to do individually makes a supportive fabric for others in due course. The interweavings of time past, present, and future-the interweavings of personal imagination and community endeavor-this spiritual cloth, this gold of our life-looms is being woven whether we sleep or wake, a garment we are making for each other and the planet. Or so it seems. Though it be beaten thin by the impact of experiences, still the gold of our lives keeps its nature even when worn through, even when dust, gold dust.

Monday, May 3, 2004

pretty much lost yesterday. gloomy.

found in today's email:

"Art does not reproduce the visible, it makes visible," Klee wrote..."

apropos of nothing, i want to produce 12 postcards or notecards and place them around town for sale. below is the first of 12:

bob2

Sunday, May 2, 2004

heard at the asheville friend's meeting this morning:

"80% of love is showing up."

i might have put it:

"80% of love is showing up anyway."

Saturday, May 1, 2004

yesterday was an unusual day. i spent the afternoon dealing with the health dept., archetypal state civil service, endless ugly green corridors, employees sleepwalking here and there with paperwork in hand, endless waiting in hard chairs.

but the occasional bodhisattva would appear, fully human and cheerful, to inject a little humor and perspective into this setting.

then last evening dinner for 45th high school reunion. six of us showed up for very elegant and pleasant time. the ambience was southern aristocratic living at it's best. an atmosphere i do not experience often these days.

you might think that visiting these two separate worlds in a single day would be confusing. but at this point in my life it was like any other day, each minute a mysterious surprise.

when i got home my trusty g4 would not boot up, system wouldn't load. i fixed it this morning - i hope. thank you disk warrior.

Friday, April 30, 2004

a30


i did the above a couple of weeks ago probably. just scanned it and printed it out on r300: really beautiful print i think.

yesterday was a busy one. talked to jeff and nan, and worked most of the day on the new life, the book we are all working on for ultimate publication. last nite went to the benefit premier of M.C. Richards: The Fire Within, excellent documentry of a woman i was unfamiliar with. mostly filmed when she was older. if i ever want to know what i think is true about the imagination, creativity, the kosmos, and what conciousness is for, i only have to see this movie again: she says it all.

Movie Review: M.C. Richards: The Fire Within / Mountain Xpress / Asheville, NC: "M.C. Richards: The Fire Within"

to see a few things flash is capable of, go here:
[ uncontrol ]

here is interesting piece on the human being, science, reality with capital "R", etc:

Presence of Mind - The (Scientific) Pursuit of Happiness: "New evidence shows that as the brain can change its mind, so can the mind change the brain."

tonight i go to high school reunion. 45th i think.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

from an oil i did awhile back:

r2

after 5 in the afternoon. pretty soon i can watch the snews.

bought a ticket last nite to phoenix, round trip, dates may 14 - june 3.

actually a busy day, dealing with doctors, the post office, the library.

just re-read the last 3 weeks postings. to see the shape that i was in. not too bad.

but i do have a dilemma . has to do with silence and conversation. both are so very important.

but i suspect one of my failings in this life has been an inability to discriminate well between the times when each serves it's purpose. besides, it's pre-dispositional. a person doesn't think about it, whether to converse or not. one is either engaged or not.

this is not meant as self-castigation: i'm just checking the weather out. i'm livin in a new world. let the heart talk. and listen.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

scattered frost warnings tonight. i guess i'll close the windows. finally made it to the grocery store. played with colored light.

you probably never read bill the galactic hero by harry harrison, a sci-fi tongue in cheek book of about 30 years ago. pretty good one too. it features a large group of people described as "the unplanned". these are folks who have fallen thru the cultural cracks of the hypothetical future and no longer possess official papers or a plan.

i find myself in a similar situation, but by the end of the day should belong to the "re-planned". my sister convinced me not to go camping while i'm on antibiotics for the respitory illness that's going around and which she says is bad to reoccur. i don't think i'm going to make it to myrtle beach mid-may. and i'm bumping up trip to arizona to around the same time.

spent yesterday printing color samples from epson r300, what a spiffy piece of hardware. using it, i think i can emulate pretty closely archival giclee prints on hevay matte or watercolor paper, not to mention postcards and notecards. so get ready summer tourists, they'll be in the shops.

Monday, April 26, 2004

4.26.4

monday around 5:00. what my sister used to call the "arsnic hour". visited doctor who gave me antibiotic for tail-end of galloping gozodiac, chest rattle, "it's going around". bobby c. from columbia moved in a u haul load of furniture and such. i met him at the southerndharma center seems like a hundred years ago.

did a little business downtown, like buying shoelaces at tops shoe store. light rain, the streets seemed empty.

i'm in a delimma as to what to notice here; what to write about. usually i let my fingers do the talking, and that's what i think i'll keep doing. reframe the mundane.

dougbd

watercolor i finished yesterday. delayed birthday present for son-in-law doug. it's in the mail.

this morning early it was raining, nice gentle rain. i remeber a long time ago being told by somebody i can't exactly remember right now that rainy days were "spiritual". i guess they are or arn't, but most likely whichever share that quality with all other weather. maybe it is because if you were sitting in a dark cave - which in a way we all are - the weather would leave nothing to do except 1) sleep or 2) wake up.

meanwhile this blog is morphing from trenchant if mispelled commentary on the culture & politics into a personal journal of inner weather. which i'm not sure i like.

but you have to understand my methodology which over a period of time i have come to realize is unique to a lot of folks. i sit down and write with no thought. postcard from nowhere. and i can't or prefer not to edit, rewrite, etc just like i would not want to do if i recieved a letter from someone.

so it is what it is.

i'll most likely head out for the high country tomorrow and spend a few days hunting mushrooms, brooding, slow down. not sure where but i'll know when i get there.

Sunday, April 25, 2004

survived another sunday. so far. reminds me of a routine i heard on the radio today:

"have you lived your whole life here?"
"not yet."

i'm not bored, just a tad depressed. found scattered, which is mona's book and i'll send it to her in the a.m. reading it, it is interesting to note how the words motivation, interest, libido, hyperfocus and love can all be used, to a point, interchangably. and how the lack of interest or respect for the outside, the other, can be a desert of forgotten bones.

so i keep my eye on depression level by interest level. which is low right now, but bumping along. finished two long term projects today, working on two others.

talking to richard today about "creativity". my present take is that it does not function inside humans, humans function inside it. the lame and the blind, which we all are, do not feel this. which like all denial takes a lot of energy, if not all of it.

some of us get a taste of it now and then and god what a relief to deal with the real, or the realest that you can deal with. it's the only way out, and the only way in.

on the other hand, to just live the life of a persona, say a gangster's moll or a bank president, and nothing more is just waiting to die.

i've slowly been learning that jung's "active imagination", which i've always been curious about, is something that i have been doing for awhile, in my manner. it's nothing more than actively engaging the little people. respect them, talk to them, listen to them. treat them like they don't exist and they get pissed. i know the feeling myself, having been treated that way in the recent past.

ok i'm signing off. that line of mr. d's, "feel like talking to someone, but i don't know who".

Saturday, April 24, 2004

god it's only 2 in the afternoon. i feel like it's been weeks since i woke up, but good weeks: the air is clear, the inner winds are a breeze, some kind of sun is shining on me.

frog


off to a reems creek wedding. i hope it's a humdinger.

{later} back. saw a few old friends, maybe some new ones.

ran into s. the taxi guy who didn't have much to say about our mutual friend mona. Attempting to talk of the real, albeit twisted, wrong, inadequate and bent must be taboo in some circles.

i don't understand these people, or maybe i do. mum's the word. you're out there, and i'm in here, all by myself. The heroic mode sometimes moves in pathological ways.

otherwise a nice spring evening, felt like summer, beautiful changing sky, lots of old folks, lots of young. and not a few zoot suits.

Friday, April 23, 2004

verdevally

i made the above from a 20 year old cibachrome print i did before the earth was cool. busy day, low hanging clouds to the east. is numinosity enough? can you talk to the images in your head?

Thursday, April 22, 2004

been cleaning up all week, loose ends, unfinished business, lost items. i feel like i've been thru some natural disaster, like a flood or fire. or tornado actually. strolling thru the aftermath slowly, shaking my head now and then at the wreakage.

actually i'm making good progress and things - objects, moods, intentions - are already more comfortable. i'm outward bound, ready - i think - to re-engage the world of 10,000 things.

haven't mentioned the ken wilber study group that met tuesday evening. i really enjoyed it, the frothy edge is really splashing around, and none of us knows why we are meeting. but, as i think we all agree, why not? there is an unfolding taking place, each new minute is a mystery.

plan to go to photgraphic exhibit tonight to see what happens.

pay some bills today and wash the dishes and i'm almost caught up with that wispy, tantalizing, moist and misty always receding thing, life with a lower case "L".

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

tuesday morning. good nights sleep. here's my astrology tip for the week past:

astro


godomighty i'll say.

to continue what is turning into a personal confession, i worked all day on forgiving the Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa, and myself, because i don't want to drag this anger around. it's not worth it.

ate lunch with richard and spent $50 on a technical manual for quark xpress 5 which i'm using to typeset the new life. somehow i can't get anchored picture boxes for the photos to work yet.

continued a watercolor i owe my son-in-law doug; this one may work. in general cleaning up loose ends because next week i'm out of here, it's the perfect time to head for the high country and camp out for a few days.

Monday, April 19, 2004

monday evening. quiet. light low. birds asleep. it's not dark yet, but it's gettin' there.

the weekend was a wowser. my lady friend, the Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa had been keeping me at arms length all week for no reason i was aware of.

saturday i walked to town and saw a movie, touching the void. absolutely beautiful high andes scenery. the narrative was grim survival,

sunday morning i went to the friends meeting at 10. it was held outside, in a quiet spell and space, cool wind, hot sun, birdsong, the quiet murmer of children at play. the best hour i've had in weeks. stayed until 2 with a group of maybe 20 to ponder some of the quaker ways of doing something.

came home and called the Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa who told me she was unavailable for visiting, no further details. this is a person i thought i was in a relationship with, a strange one, but a relationship nonetheless.

so i flipped, totally lost it, drove to her place where she was hiding, not answering locked doors or phone, hiding god knows what. my pretense was to give her back her assorted paraphernalia, and get mine, altho i could care less about it. i just wanted to confront her. it had to be done. somehow i got into the house and banged on her door. she slipped out, intent on one thing: getting me outside all locked doors. cool, collected, her expertise at running parallel lives showing.

i don't feel good at having to lose my temper to survive core deceit but as silly as it is, i guess that is what it is for. in full blown anger i said some things i meant, and somethings i didn't. i guess it doesn't matter when you're talking to a brick wall.

too much information here for you? that's too bad, i'm so sick of lying and denial i don't want to spread any more around. i'm venting here, angry, hurt and very disappointed.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

aprilmnt2

picture i did the other day. at the moment i can't remember how i did it. probably started off as watercolor, graded into oil pastels, and finished with photoshop.

i've been doing a lot of mountains lately. yesterday saw touching the void, mountain climbing movie with grim story but what beauty.

every since i can remember i have been fascinated with mountain climbing and polar expedition narratives. what does that say about me?

ran across the following quote yesterday:

"for rumi the appearance of formal beauty comes as a natural response to being spoken to. the rose opens because it has heard something. the cypress grows strong and straight because a love-secret is being whispered. elegance in language arrives in response. . .

"i have a friend who, when she wants to know who i am seeing, who i am in love with, asks, who am i talking to? the exchange of deep friendship makes a fine entrence into love and trust, into the mysterious action that moves through the eyes, the voice, the heart."
colman barks.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

1_13.jpg
early spring. mud season.

woke up yesterday with a heavy duty head cold. boxes and boxes of kleenix. out of the blue. sometime during the night a switch was flipped. i don't get colds or flu much. so i am declaring the next 2 or 3 days stay in bed days, try to shake it. maybe even clean the house.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

sky2
another postcard from nowhere. been spending a lot of time there lately.


yesterday was another stay at home day, altho did run a few errends, the most important being getting truck license renewed. now to get it inspected and i'm good for a year, or at least truck is.

today is another gloomy rainy day. good day to spend in bed. i think of this kind of day as "billy holiday" weather, gloomy sunday has been running through my mind non-stop.

i had a strange experience yesterday. lay down for respite around 5. npr playing very quietly in background. at 6 they began a program about the meaning of passover and easter. i got up and turned TV on, pbs news w/ jim mclarer or whatever his name is.

as sometimes happens, i was most likely hypoglycemic, still in hypnogogic state, lord knows what else. anyway the tv and radio played together and both seemed to meld into the same meaning, which had someting to do with what reality is really, and it wasn't what we take it for every day.

well it's just another psuedo-memory now, along with a lot of others.

Monday, April 12, 2004

one of those days yesterday when i never took a step outdoors. there are a few too many objects hidden in the house somewhere i can't seem to find, so i have backed into what you might call "spring kleening". my biggest find so far is a pair of blue jeans, near new. no easter eggs.

this morning it's gray and misty out, had to turn heat on last nite. so i guess i'll stay put another day or two. working on "new life" book every day, trying to get it to a point where it is presentable before the month is over.

watched a bit of the sunday news shows. all concerned are speaking a stylized lost language i can only get pieces of meaning from.

except for somone on the moyers show, in fact two someones: kevin philips was one, jon anderson of the new yorker the other. the democrats should pay to have these two interviews broadcast everyday until the election.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

interesting movie out there somewhere:Quantum Physics, Brain Science and Spirituality in the Movies.

saw mr dylan and band last nite:

Asheville, North Carolina
The Orange Peel
April 9, 2004

1. To Be Alone With You
2. It's All Over Now, Baby Blue
*3. Unbelievable
4. Make You Feel My Love
* 5. Most Likely You Go Your Way and I'll Go Mine
* 6. Can't Wait
7. If Not for You
* 8. Cold Irons Bound
* 9. If Dogs Run Free
10. Highway 61 Revisited
*11. Not Dark Yet
12. Honest With Me
13. I Believe In You
*14. Summer Days
(encore)
15. Cat's In the Well
16. Like a Rolling Stone
**17. All Along the Watchtower

small venue, 900 people i guess. i stayed in back where i could lean against the rail. great sound from that location. i guess it's pretty much agreed at this point that this ain't no nostalgia act. the starred songs were magnificent.

there was something sweet and enduring about hearing these songs at this point in time. the band, including bob on keyboards, was rock- (so to speak) solid. his delivery was crystal clear, confident, playful. he used his present voice to great advantage, mixed perfectly. there was something elegaic about the whole evening. it's not dark yet...

total communication and respect between the musicains and the audience, a venacular understood by all having to do with the experience of humans living today. what a relief and rest to be in a crowd of people so receptive and uncynical in these times. an oasis. don't miss this tour.

Friday, April 9, 2004

bulldog

i couldn't resist extracting this picture from movie some of you high bandwidth folks might want to take a look at (http://www.psrla.org/video/BULLDOG7.MOV). music by j. lennon. thanks for the link tucker.

me, i'm still trying to figure out how to change the time to daylight savings time on my watch. my wristwatch.

watched the news last nite for the first time in awhile. dismal. but predictable.

going to see bob dylan tonight in a small venue. i dread the hourlong wait in line, and there are no rocking chairs for geezers like myself. but hey, no pain no gain.

Thursday, April 8, 2004

couple of restless nights. visit to doc's yesterday to check burnt hand, he did some minor clean-up, seems to be healing ok. just woke up from a nap, first one in a long time.

home is chaotic, rampant entropy, too many objects misplaced or otherwise among the missing.

finished reading cosmopolis by delillio. spooky. kept running into sentences that were... well, odd but timely, remote, icy, but somehow personal.

bought a hammer today.

heard the most horrifying reportage on shortwave last night on child soldiers in sudan or somewhere. then dreamlike report on diabetes from some christian outfit broadcasting from the west.

good idea: know your enemy, know where you are, know your assumptions are assumptions.

Tuesday, April 6, 2004

dadjane

above is a photo i took - i think - of my sister jane & dad in arizona. jane is getting her feet wet in the cyber world using aol as so many of us have, and was unable to download photo i sent to her yesterday.

i worked long and hard yesterday on too many projects. starting to have great fun with flash, in many ways it reminds me of photoshop: elegant, deep, robust and just very well constructed. about ready to start dropping photos into "new life" book i am typesetting. got truck ready for inspection. semi-finished repairing some floor damage caused by great refrigerator debacle. some computer routine maintenance,

but most exciting was, due to slight skew in medication, i had dreams last night. been a long time since i was aware of any. i think the full moon helped.

Monday, April 5, 2004

beautiful day yesterday. worked on odds and ends of maintainence in the morning and walked to town at 12:30. (wait - i just remembered that this was saturday). saw a 1:00 movie matinee, the fog of war, a documentary consisting of robert macnamara, age 85, looking directly into the camera, closeup, dark background, talking, intercut with news and tv footage. veeery slow, i almost dozed off, but liked the movie. it was more personal than political - there is a difference - and i think we could all star in a vehicle such as this if we make it to old age. there are things to say, and you won't find them in written text.

on the way home saw the bumper sticker of the day:

I Heard I was Back in Town


spent the rest of the weekend with jill, visiting ancient languid limbic lakes, the sun that always shines, the far lands that just are.

this morning up at 5 working furiously on bhau's book and flash course.

what about the news?

haven't heard any, but did enjoy carlos santana superstition cd.

Saturday, April 3, 2004

dtrees

pencil drawing done at southern dharma center.

today is the 2nd annerversry of my mother's death. i think it is 2 years. in about 2 hours there will be a blessing in phoenix at the casa, and i will be there in spirit. she was a true human during her time on this earth who continued to learn and grow, as i hope we all do. she is missed by those of us whose life she continues to be a part of.

Friday, April 2, 2004

ab

another postcard from nowhere.

today is cleanup day, or to put it another way, the day to rearrange the wreckage left by the refrigerator that came in from the cold. chaos in the kitchen. more later.

Thursday, April 1, 2004

ky

another pencil drawing i did at southern dharma center last weekend.

my refrigerator finally gave up the ghost while i was gone. my landlady, who i get along with fine even though it is probably fair to say she is one of those appalachian eccentrics who has never left the mountains, came up with a solution which involved me and my friend bill o. shuffling refrigerator from upstairs to my kitchen downstairs. we ended up sliding it down a wet grassy hill among other things. there is now wet grass and dirt all over discombobulated living room so i will be in regroup mode for awhile.

got a call from mimi who has been on the road for a month i guess. next week she will take a look at site i have up for her, and then i'll tweak away to make it suitable for her. also dropping pictures into quark layout for bhau's book, which i need to get to some presentable point before early may, orders from the DA.

all this with a badly burned right hand which seems to be healing ok. this afternoon a visit to the dentist to have crown inserted. then i might go to bed for a couple of days.

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

3.31.4

a piece of something i did when i got back from hotsprings sunday nite. yesterday caught up on online flash course which incidentally seems to be shaping up as very useful; like the dreamweaver course i finished a few weeks ago, it gives you enough of the little conventions and methodologies to let you figure out the rest. paid billz and otherwise caught up on daily maintenance.

but tuesdays real adventure began when i took blood glucose reading prior to meeting jerry at drum gathering in the evening. somehow i'd been on reduced basil rate for awhile and blood sugar was 388 so i cancelled and bolused a lot of insulin to correct. then fried some bacon, maybe for the first time in a year. somehow managed to dump hot grease on right hand. stuck it in cold water and drove immediately to ER.

during the maybe 2 hours i was there i told the people that i was probably getting very hypoglycemic because dinner had been interupted, and as very often is the case in these situations it was not until i reached the end of the process that the nurse doing the actual dressing listened to me and took my blood glucose reading: 35. she was amazed that i could still talk and make sense and treated me to lots of orange juice and assorted goodies.

anyway right hand is out of commission for awhile, don't think i'll be doing any drumming soon.

Monday, March 29, 2004

dylan line

this picture was taken fri nite sat morning. i guess 900 tickets were sold for an intimate gathering of fanatics at the orange peel, asheville and i got one thanks to the above. i was in meditation hall at southern dharma center at the time. couldn't pass up the chance to experience our poet lauriate one more time. and it takes a lot to get me out after dark.

sdrc

just returned from 4 day retreat at Enter Southern Dharma Retreat Center. i'm not sure what i thought it was going to be, but turned out to be a lot of sitting in beautiful meditation hall. drew the above there. colors wrong, but hey i gotta be me.

of course when i got back i was quickly sucked into same old backwash. so tired of thinking and not seeing, much less being. on a brighter note, changes happen.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

gone

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

ps1

from a group of pictures i did in 1990 i think. for postcards i was making called "things to look at".

find myself working on how to lose my temper. it'll be some kind of change.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

had to fix that thing below. it was the ugliest thing i've ever put up - i hope.

but then i'm feeling ugly these days. i think it goes something like this:

"...for it is human nature, as we popularly define it, to react to insult with insult, to fear with fear, and take an eye for an eye. this is the crucial point in the whole matter. to refrain from taking revenge may be merely an escape. in my own case this has often been true. but this is not the work we have in mind, even though it may seem saintly. there is nothing to be gained in 'taking things laying down' or false martyrdom, except some spurious credit from others. no, the point is that we must really know and feel all our inner devils, and at the same time not let them possess us. and perhaps before we can know them we may have had to act them out, really see ourselves possessed by them, and really see their effects in the world. the wrong way has to precede the right way."
david hart, from vol. 3, psychological perspectives.

i guess that's what i saw in myself last night. the internalized undeveloped bitch. didn't know i had it in me.

Monday, March 22, 2004

ac

man it is hard to believe that 5 out of 10 days a waste a couple of hours doing things like the above. i noticed a mention of the word discrimination mentioned at the friends meeting. i guess living - and being a part of - the 10,000 thing world, discriminate we must. might as well do it well.

i had a great nite last night. comfortable with the mystery. lucid dreaming, it's mutual.

very elegant flash site here:

yannarthusbertrand.org

gotta go, stuff to do.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

texico

picture above began life as ad from an old "life" magizine, so to speak. a treasure trove of visual material. now i won't have to think any more for awhile.

site was inexplicably down today until a few minutes ago. i think it's the equinox.

went to aville peace demonstration yesterday, walked downtown and milled around for 5 or 6 hours. observations? polerization as in late 60's has nowhere near set in, police and civilians were all cool. for some reason the three speakers that seemed to be really saying something were all woman. one was a poet named i think melinda. her piece was so powerful and right on plus about way more than the war, that it floored me. had to seek her out and shake her hand. a very emotional talk by woman ex-marine. and then the spokeswoman for the "women in black" read a really powerful indictment.

made it to friend's meeting this am and stayed around for 2 hour practice, kind of like meditation, contemplation. after this week, it was a welcome relief.

Saturday, March 20, 2004

Another bit of nothing much: this one i found penciled in a book i don't remember buying, much less reading.

an ocean full of itches
a sky full of scratch

i believe it is an elliptical reference to the neo-hellenistic pseudo-alexandrian description of the kosmic situation immediately following the biblical creation of up and down.

today i'm going to go to the global peace demonstration. i am not going to blow a 50 amp fuse.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

hat

very rainy, dark day. the kind i love. stay home and brood, pace, sit, paint and have fun.

woke up at 5, planning to take truck in for minor fix at 8, got totally sidetracked, now i'll take it in tomorrow & maybe not have to walk home 2 miles in the rain.

heard a little bit of news last nite on shortwave. chaney the man of steel - or is it oil? - stated that if kerry had been in charge, saddam would still be in power.

this is an example - many more to follow - of why the democrats need edwards as point man. instead of noodling around for an adequate response, it would take him about a new york minute to point out that that was probably true, but osama and friends would have been hunted down, and the proliferation of small mobile islamic terrorist groups could be waning. in other words we could have been dealing with the enemy, not some boogy man.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

bev

this is from a pencil drawing my friend bev in canada sent me. as usual, i played with it before i put it up.

big news here is forsythia is out in full bloom, making it official: spring has sprung. (altho it is very possible in the smokey mountains for it to snow a time or two later on.)

2nd tai chi class this morning. i like it very much so far and think my instincts were right on that drove me to it.

finished first pass at mimi's website and put it up early this morning.

got a temporary crown yesterday. first time in the dental world in some time.

and like that, y'know?

Sunday, March 14, 2004

sis

i like this drawing. close up from notebook i did 2 nights ago.

Saturday, March 13, 2004

216

this whatever-it-is site is getting more difficult for me to keep up. i think content is a puzzle for me these days. anything having to do with politics, technology, even the continuing and sometimes amusing meme parade is way too far away. i can't see it anymore.

this phenomena is not unique to me; for instance is related to low voter turnout.

it's a problem because political, cultural, technological, and artistic action are all needed to avoid the mega greek tragady we inhabit.

my own relationship to the world of 10,000 things feels very different to me now then it did long ago, and even not so long ago.

so what i am getting at is the lack of trenchent cultural commentary leaves me with only pictures to post.
unless i want use this site in a more "personal" way and air out my inner life. and i don't, not because i am too inhibited to try putting that realm into words, but because i don't think it belongs there. it lives face-to-face with another human - or tree i guess - in personal, honest, two-handed coversation.

last couple of days very intense, little sleep, i am reminded of that great line of burning spear's "...when i was regaining my energy...". took first tai-chi class, had first theraopeutic message, saw dickie betts and friends - i think they played 4 hors - and i can't stand still when he is on and he was on. up early next morning and spent day with sam driving around table rock- hawk's bill area. gorgeous day. it is so entirely positive to spend some time with old friends.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

if you have any interest in the future of the web you might want to check this out:

Search upstarts storm Google's gates | CNET News.com

one of the interesting search engines in the pipeline is group oriented. that is, for a group with a common interest, the collective searches would somehow (can you say "synergisticalay? can you spell it?) increase search results of the context you have in mind.

ok so i am not making sense.

found a new old notebook the other day. here's a sample from it:

woven wonder
delightful heart
simple enough
to only start.
complex beauty
accelerates pain.
the sky jewel
accepts the rain.
wet with wonder,
without care,
mind drawing images
written in air"

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

p

another day. they just keep coming. so far.

interesting day yesterday. had oilpaint lesson in the morning from new friend (i hope) dan. excellant teacher for me because i am just interested in the nature of oil paint, how it mixes, how it flows, how brush is loaded. etc. i have no interest in composition, perspective etc. becuase i am blessed with a zillion images, endless, in my head.

the images i've been posting the last week or so are a game: i sit down and see how quick i can come up with something for the day. a cyber-doodle or maybe rorshach event.

in the afternoon i visited karen and very much enjoyed the conversation. she leant me the episcopal hymnal in which i will try to locate a song elizabeth mentioned a few weeks ago. don't remember the words, but they resonated with me, in fact almost knocked me out of my chair.

today i start tai-chi, looking to develop flow and balance.

got a PC richard gave me spread all over the living room, trying to fix it and get it up and running. why? i don't know, just to "see what happens", my mantra lately.

tomorrow nite going to see dicky betts play. nite on the town. past my bedtime. i have seen him on a good nite play as well as anyone on the planet. friday going to try real hard to get to table rock a good ways north and east of here. for reasons entirely unknow to me this has become holy grail for me. everyone needs a holy grail.

Monday, March 8, 2004

no image today. ninian arrived from tennessee a day early, , so we walked downtown, wondered around, feet on the ground. it was another gorgeous day to stumble forward. worked on mimi's website, hoping to have version 1 up this week. wrote a letter to someone who may be a figment of my overwrought imagination.. checked lunar colander. busy 3 days ahead for me, beginning with dentist's appointment this am (toothache).

began reading attitudes and latitudes by thomas friedman. he's a funny one. his grasp of the Palestinian dilemma seems accurate and helpful, but his insistence on inevitable globism seems a little Darwinian - peoples that can't keep up go under. at least that's what i got from his last book.

watched a bit of the sunday news shows instead of going to friend's meeting. the sound was off. i think the bushies (they are not real republicans) have got the democratic candidate they want to run against. kerry just doesn't come across on the tube. my advice for what it is worth: he needs to play up a lincolnesque persona, not grow a beard but evolve from craggy to just a touch of haggard, thoughtful, deep. edwards as VP is crucial, he's the only guy who can respond tit for tat to the deluge of public innuendo the bushies have lined up for kerry. and he can unravel the mimetic tangle they are going to tie kerry in knots with. in a heartbeat.

the spread of pseudo-democracies across the globe has highlighted an unnoticed trend: fake elections. remember the soviet union? all of the 3rd world countries with their various ways to have an "election" that one way or another is a setup? they are just beginning the process, do not have the infrastructure or cultural history to use the electoral process in an ideal manner.

we, on the other hand, are evolving past the electoral way. public relations - a bland description of a well worn manipulative path - and big money has pulled the plug on our own elections. witness the last presidential election. it was an invisible coup-d'etat.

as far as the republican ads featuring bush puffed up in front of 9/11, let him wrap himself up in that image. then ask why it happened, why planes weren't scrambled per SOP, and why we responded by declaring war on a nation state when the enemy is a group of "super-empowered individuals" (friedman).

Sunday, March 7, 2004

eisenstein

above: today's picture, done in a flash. below: something i found in one of my notebooks:

"wingin' down the highway
in a '64 ford.
i can do it my way
or fall on my own sword.
the feeling is too dangerous
the sun has sunk too low.
the Friend must be hiding out
lost in a taillight glow."

Saturday, March 6, 2004

3.6.4

rain

totally depressed yesterday, couldn't make a move. today i awoke feeling amazingly well. took care of a little houskeeping business and finally, after a loooong time, determined that i can walk downtown from here in 30 minutes.

checked out a few books from branch library yesterday (so i guess i could make some kind of move after all) and while i was there scanned a few magazines. was reminded there is no way i can use them as a source of information.

item: the first newspaper published in the usa said in the first issue that it would be published whenever there was anything important to report.

item: 40 years ago k. vonnegut maintained that "visceral knowledge" was all that you needed to know the news.

item: title of one of robert bly's books:news that stays news

i call it "snooze".

Friday, March 5, 2004

Daily Devotional: "In his essay, �Peaks and Vales,� Jungian analyst James Hillman writes of cultivating the vales of our low-lying moods. Compared to the glittering peaks of spiritual aloofness-the Mount Siniai of the spirit- the bottomlands of our despair are fertile with imagination and insight.

The brooding desolation of such depressed emotional landscapes, Hillman writes, was described by the poet John Keats as "the vale of soulmaking." To Keats "the use of the world"-the defeats and dejection�s of everyday life-was that it forged the individual soul.

But the plunge from the heights of spiritual joy into the depths of spiritual darkness often feels like the loss of faith. In the grip of such darkness, life seems meaningless, a landscape drained of color.

"I felt that the ground on which I stood was crumbling,� wrote the Russian novelist Leo Tolstoy of his own crisis of faith, "...that I had no reason for living..."

In the Words of James Hillman, Psyche's Hermetic Highwayman: "Neglect of beauty neglects the Goddess, who then has to steal back into the departments as sexual harassment, into the laboratories as 'research' experiments with sex and gender, and into the consulting rooms as seductive assignations."

etruscan

Country song i started writing last nite; actually, it started writing me:

"i'm feeling like an empty sky
when the clouds they blow away.
the woman just walked out
she had nothing more to say.
i knew her but i didn't
that was just her way.
i bought it all, the good and bad,
the nightime and the day.
love demands a price.
it must have a say:
the silence of indifference
can blow away the play."

twangy, huh?

Thursday, March 4, 2004

bbb

picture is another quickie. sort of. skipped trip to table-rock, too ragged. pleasant walk around the paris of the south with friend ninian this morning who was visiting from out of town and is now on his way to... nasheville? somewhere like that.

me, i'm going to hide under the bed for 4 days or so.

[later]

just caught a little of the newz. apparently trench coats are the hot new fashion item, so the economy is going to be all right.

Wednesday, March 3, 2004

rl


this blog has never been one of a confessional nature. st. augustine started the genre, words describing the personal, interior life as it occurs and is remembered. today the interior life is well established, and most would agree that words do not do it justice.

but i'm going to have to get into it because my head and heart are mourning for the loss of a beautiful person in my life, someone far smarter than me, far more observant, and much quicker than i. (all of the women in my life were and are much quicker.)

things i learned:

suffering is highly overrated. i heard it last week, it finally sank home this week.

my point at the time was that it exists in a relationship and can be tolerated and worked with because the relationship is worth it - to both of us and also to whatever the kosmos is.

her point seemed to be that that might not be the case. wreckage ensued.

this week i looked at a handout on the key distinctions of nondual therapy by david fenner. common deserata if you will:

broading the river of the mind: not making a problem out of problems.
letting things be: the practice of noninterference.
doing nothing and knowing nothing.
being intimate yet detached
doing nothing until it is obvious.

i blew every one of these precepts last week. and i'm paying for it. and i'm surprised, i thought i was capable of feeling and acting along these lines. what a lesson in humility.

for what it's worth, fenner lists some of the personal attributes that might keep me or you from access to the above wonderful and oh so necessary qualities:

attachement to suffering
the habitual need to be doing something
the need to know - what is happening and where we are
the need to create meaning

yeah, i still got them all. do you?

Tuesday, March 2, 2004

s

i really don't know what i'm doing. i am maybe experiencing a time when thoughts only get in my way, especially repetitive obsessive thoughts about loss of connection to value and meaning. but these and other thoughts are becoming more and more like background muzak. i am happy to say the thought-stream is more and more distant. it's not like you lose your mind; it's still there, and if a moment contains a surprise, like for example you have to go shopping, you just do it. mind kicks in. nothing is lost. mind based actions seem to be on-demand. there when you need them.

the mind buzz when on idle is obtrusive but for me is less and less so - may it always be so. but truthfully it's still there, the monkey mind.

in a recorded conversation i heard between k. wilber and rabbi Salman Schachter, the rabbi - who seemed like a real kick to talk with - remarked that he thought buddhism needed to look again at the eight-fold path:
1. Right Knowledge
2. Right Thinking
* Decide to set a life on the correct path
3. Right Speech
4. Right Conduct
5. Right Livelihood
6. Right Effort
7. Right Mindfulness
8. Right Concentration

he thought because the human world has changed that

Right Relationship

should be added. relationship with you, with the world.

whatever a right relationship might look or feel like i do not know, but thinking, the mind, the future, secrets, fear of harming others because of personal worthlessness, helplessness, or hoplessness, fear of doing the wrong thing, none of these serve as the basis of right relationship. they might be part of it as we are after all humanoid. but acceptance of the luminous gift with all that entails is what matters.

Sunday, February 29, 2004

ww

"forgiveness is the engine of survival". leonard cohen, the future.
today i'm feeling particularly stupid. so now maybe i can relax.

Saturday, February 28, 2004

2.28.4

i had a strange reverie yesterday. i was back in the tempo room in chapel hill during my youth. it was as usual your standard underground sleazy collage bar, dank with the smell of beer, dark, and crowded. i was standing behind the crowd at the bar talking with ben jones, who later became "cooter" on the dukes of hazzard and subsequently congressman from georgia.

we were talking about the human attribute "crazy". two of our friends at the bar were the exemplars of the discussion. can't exactly remember who they were. in those days there were many choices.

i seem to remember making the point quite clearly that one was crazy but beneficent. the other crazy but malevolent. in other words, "crazy" had nothing to do with character or disposition. "crazy/sane" had no bearing on the inner predisposition. the former does not have the significance and meaning the latter has.

course with all the little people running around in our head (hey, i didn't say it, jung did) we get to sample all of the above. live and burn.

Friday, February 27, 2004

"... and if I shed a tear I won't cage it.
I won't fear love
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it.
I won't fear love."
-- Sarah McLaughlin, Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

shows you how much i know; i figured Sarah McLaughlin was a literary figure, maybe a poet, when i ran across the above....maybe she is.

i don't much care for the quicky pics i've been posting this week. somethings take the time they take.

rereading hillman's the thought of the heart. let me flip it open to a page and maybe i can find something that illuminates why:

"a second fundamental trait of this cardiac conciousness has been described by d.h. lawrence in his symbolic physiology:

'at the cardiac plexus...there in the center of the breast, we have a great new sun of knowledge and being...how i only know the delightful revelation that you are. the wonder is no longer within me, my own dark, centrifical exultant self. the wonder is without me. the wonder is outside me... i look with wonder, with tenderness, with joyful yearning towards that which is outside me, beyond me...'

"...thus we can affirm the heart's illusions as necessary for the sophistication of its imaginings. it will be aware that its realities are not real and its irrealities are real, that its feelings are its truth and yet these feelings are fantasies of its desire and auras of its images, that as it loves it lies to further invent its love, and that the sensate sulphuric world with which it burns is so compelling because of our heart-hunger for forms, for beauty, which that sensate world embodies. the heart would be touched, asks that the world touch it with tastes and sounds and smells; aisthesus; touched by the image."

hmmm... maybe this isn't exactly what i was looking for but it's what i found.

Thursday, February 26, 2004

snowday

this picture is kind of crude - about he last thing (so far) i wrote in my notebook. i'm doing a picture every day this week and putting it up the same day. you know, just to see what happens. (that seems to be the story of my life: and i still don't know what happens).

snowed all day. i was out in it maybe 5 minutes.

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

6
happy birthday Meher Baba and
many happy returns


question of the day: can you live in the now and your head at the same time?

i've got nothing to say about it. my thoughts are so close and yet so far away. they wax and wane like the moon. beauty, truth, and the good never change. (thank you plato and keats). the mind never stops changing. mine roared through here about an hour ago, destination unknown. because it doesn't have one, the track is a circle. dizzy from the endless trek through meaningless tunnels, mighty mountains, lush green valleys, and stone deserts, the mind chugs on: "i think i can, i think i can, i think i am, i think i am."

i've heard it said more than once that "mind must go". do i have to go with it?

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

c

Monday, February 23, 2004

2.23.4

Sunday, February 22, 2004

friday afternoon, on the way back from an appointment, i decided to stop and spend some time downtown in the paris of the south, aville. it was a gorgeous day and i strolled around, stopping here and there. so many new shops, street life up and running. i paid a visit to the old tried and true newstand, where a large format book of plates of the cezanne collection at the hermitage jumped out into my hands which i bought for $10. the plates are amazing, well printed and including closeups. I have always admired cezanne, but the closeups of some of his earlier work astounded me.

i looked unsuccessfully for CD by dave olney, wheel (LoudHouse Records: David Olney/The Wheel). dave is another of the old chapel hill bunch who lives in nasheville and works as a fulltime songwriter and performer. i've heard one cut from this cd, "god-shaped hole", which blew me away. as real as it gets.

i decided then and there to spend more time out of the house from now until the weather gets too hot. i've spent enough time underground, time for a little daylight.

yesterday a visit to dr. r's world, very pleasant interlude. driving back, i noticed a storefront and sign i hadn't noticed before. i may be mistaken, but the sign read "deja-vu dialysis". catchy but mysterious.

Friday, February 20, 2004

according to the conventional thinking - or maybe feeling - bush and the corporate oligarchy that have hijacked the government are in trouble. the spreading bubble of unease felt by just about everyone has been transforming into the thought that the 5 or 6 people running the government by fiat, PR, and outright lies have to go.

my own opinion is what it was several months ago.

one, the cabel will not go gracefully. the shakier thier hold on the public becomes, the more backup shenannigans they are putting in place. the most obvious is the trick being talked about lately, capture osama right before the election.

two, i don't think kerry is the man to snake through the barrage of dirty tricks that lay in wait. i thought, and still think, that any democrat can win the election, provided they have one ability: to talk straight in such a way that it penetrates the wall of media and gets through to you and me. i don't think kerry can do this - his mediated persona too stiff, his words too reminescent of rehearsed and learned thoughts from advisors. i think he is a good man, but the skull and bones wealthy and priviliged background he comes from seems could be a vast negitive.

edwards, on the other hand, can talk straight in such a manner that he gets through. he is the man who can navigate through the semantic traps of the public discourse without losing a beat. slick lawyer though he is, or maybe because he is, he could twist the oligarchy into pretzels, and tell it like it is.

it's late, but i'm behind edwards. or maybe i'm just behind.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

below are two reviews of a book and a movie forwarded to me by my friend tharpa d. they are worth posting here because they both seem to clearly articulate the rising inchoate feelings of humans everywhere. my comments are colored red.

-----------

CORPORATION AS PSYCHOPATH By Russell Mokhiber and Robert Weissman February 17, 2004

http://lists.essential.org/pipermail/corp-focus/2004/000174.html

People ask -- Rob, Russell, the world is going to hell in a handbasket. What can we do about it?

We say -- read one book, see one movie.

Unfortunately, the movie and the book are available now only in Canada.

But wait -- before you head north of the border -- they will be available here in a month or so.

And believe us, it is worth the wait. (Full disclosure -- our work -- the Top 100 Corporate Criminals of the 1990s -- is featured in the movie.)

The book is titled: The Corporation: The Pathological Pursuit of Profit and Power. It is by Joel Bakan (Free Press, 2004).

The movie is called: The Corporation. It is by Mark Achbar, Jennifer Abbott, and Joel Bakan.

We've seen an advance copy of the movie.

We're read an advance copy of the book.

And here's our review:

Scrap the civics curricula in your schools, if they exist.

Cancel your cable TV subscriptions.

Call your friends, your enemies and your family.

Get your hands on a copy of this movie and a copy of this book.

Read the book. Discuss it. Dissect it. Rip it apart.

Watch the movie. Show it to your children. Show it to your right-wing relatives. Show it to everyone. Organize a party around it. Then organize another.

For years, we've been reporting on critics of corporate power -- Robert Monks, Richard Grossman, Naomi Klein, Noam Chomsky, Sam Epstein, Charles Kernaghan, Michael Moore, Jeremy Rifkin.

[i saw noam chomsky talk about his new book last week on c-span. i hadn�t followed him through the years and now regret it. he is lucid and right on about so many things that are virtually �unspeakable� in our world today. he was cited for always speaking (and writing) in a calm manner, no rants, no shouts, no banging on the table. his new book:Amazon.com: Hegemony or Survival: America's Quest for Global Dominance (The American Empire Project) see also Chomsky Archive]

For years, we've reported on the defenders of the corporate status quo like Milton Friedman, Peter Drucker and William Niskanen.

But Bakan, a professor of law at British Columbia Law School, and Achbar and Abbott have pulled these leading lights together in a 145-minute documentary that grabs the viewer by the throat and refuses to let go.

The movie is selling out major theaters across Canada. And if it detonates here -- which in our view is still a long shot -- the U.S. after all is not Canada -- it could have a profound impact on politics.

The filmmakers juxtapose well-shot interviews of defenders and critics with the reality on the ground -- Charles Kernaghan in Central America showing how, for example, big apparel manufacturers pay workers pennies for products that sell for hundreds of dollars in the United States -- with defenders of the regime -- Milton Friedman looking frumpy as he says with as straight a face as he can -- the only moral imperative for a corporate executive is to make as much money for the corporate owners as he or she can.

[i disagree: the only legal imperative is to make as much money for the corporate owners as he or she can.]

Others agree with Friedman. Management guru Peter Drucker tells Bakan: "If you find an executive who wants to take on social responsibilities, fire him. Fast." And William Niskanen, chair of the libertarian Cato Institute, says that he would not invest in a company that pioneered in corporate responsibility.

Of course, state corporation laws actually impose a legal duty on corporate executives to make money for shareholders. Engage in social responsibility -- pay more money to workers, stop legal pollution, lower the price to customers -- and you'll likely be sued by your shareholders. Robert Monks, the investment manager, puts it this way: "The corporation is an externalizing machine, in the same way that a shark is a killing machine (shark seeking young woman swimming on the screen). There isn't any question of malevolence or of will. The enterprise has within it, and the shark has within it, those characteristics that enable it to do that for which it was designed."

Business insiders like Monks and Ray Anderson, CEO of Interface Corporation, the world's largest commercial carpet manufacturer, lend needed balance to a movie that otherwise would have been dominated by outside critics like Chomsky, Moore, Grossman and Rifkin. Anderson calls the corporation a "present day instrument of destruction" because of its compulsion to "externalize any cost that an unwary or uncaring public will allow it externalize."

"The notion that we can take and take and take and take, waste and waste, without consequences, is driving the biosphere to destruction," Anderson says, as pictures of biological and chemical wastes pouring into the atmosphere roll across the screen.

Like Republican Kevin Phillips is doing as he criss-crosses the nation, pummeling Bush from the right, Anderson and Monks are opening a new front against corporate power from inside the belly of the beast. They are stars of this movie and book.

The movie and the book drive home one fundamental point -- the corporation is a psychopath.

[years ago i worked at a major corporation with a programmer who said �any group or institution of over 25,000 people is psychopathic, despite the fact that all 25,000 people are fundamentally not�. that was awhile back, and i�m not sure the latter part of that statement holds true today...]

Psychologist Dr. Robert Hare runs down a checklist of psychopathic traits and there is a close match.

The corporation is irresponsible because in an attempt to satisfy the corporate goal, everybody else is put at risk.

Corporations try to manipulate everything, including public opinion.

Corporations are grandiose, always insisting that "we're number one, we're the best."

Corporations refuse to accept responsibility for their own actions and are unable to feel remorse.

And the key to reversing the control of this psychopathic institution is to understand the nature of the beast.

No better place to start than right here.

Read the book.

Watch the movie

Organize for resistance.

............

Russell Mokhiber is editor of the Washington, D.C.-based Corporate Crime Reporter, http://www.corporatecrimereporter.com. Robert Weissman is editor of the Washington, D.C.-based Multinational Monitor, http://www.multinationalmonitor.org. They are co-authors of Corporate Predators: The Hunt for MegaProfits and the Attack on Democracy (Monroe, Maine: Common Courage Press; http://www.corporatepredators.org).

------------

CORPORATIONS NEED TREATMENT, DOCUMENTARY ARGUES By Stephen Leahy Inter Press Service / Common Dreams January 20, 2004

http://www.commondreams.org/headlines04/0120-03.htm

TORONTO - Corporations are not only the most powerful institutions in the world, they are also psychopathic, a new Canadian documentary on globalization elegantly argues.

While the corporation has the rights and responsibilities of "a legal person", its owners and shareholders are not liable for its actions. Moreover, the film explains, a corporation's directors are legally required to do what is best for the company, regardless of the harm created.

[corporations legally are people but there are some differences: they can live forever, and get away with murder.]

What kind of person would a corporation be? A clinical psychopath, answers the documentary, which is now playing in four Canadian theatres.

"Everything we do in the world is touched by corporations in some way," says 'The Corporation' writer Joel Bakan.

Six years ago he was researching a book on the subject and teamed up with documentary makers Mark Achbar and Jennifer Abbott, and then set out to drum up enough money to make the film and to do more than 40 interviews.

"Corporations are the most dominant institutions on the planet today. We thought it was worth taking a close look at what that means," Bakan told IPS.

[throughout the last millennium perhaps the dominant institution has been in some ways invisible, the same way water is invisible to a fish. for instance in medieval europe the catholic church was regarded not so much as an institution as reality. ditto today with the free market, profit, and acquisition. they have been regarded as �the way the world works�.]

In law, today's corporations are treated like a person: they can buy and sell property, have the right to free expression and most other rights that individuals have.

This legal creativity came as a result of U.S. businesses using the Fourteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution -- designed to protect blacks in the U.S. South after the Civil War -- to proclaim that corporations should be treated as "persons".

The filmmakers show four examples of corporations at work -- including garment sweatshops in Honduras and Indonesia -- to demonstrate that this "legal person" is inherently amoral, callous and deceitful.

The corporation, the film points out, ignores any social and legal standards to get its way, and does not suffer from guilt while mimicking the human qualities of empathy, caring and altruism.

A person with those character traits would be categorized as a psychopath, based on diagnostic criteria from the World Health Organization (WHO), points out the film.

Unlike 'Bowling for Columbine' -- to which it has been compared -- 'The Corporation' does not follow a shambling yet crusading interviewer (Michael Moore) into corporate head offices to ask tough questions.

Instead the filmmakers use simple but beautifully lit head and shoulder shots of its subjects against a black background. The interviewer is never seen or heard; the corporate chiefs, professors and activists speak directly to the viewer.

The technique is so compelling that not listening or turning away would seem impolite.

The interviews are interspersed with archival footage from many sources, including scenes from sweatshops and news conferences. It also includes some ironic and darkly humorous excerpts from corporate ad campaigns and training films from the 1940s and '50s.

But the film is not a rant. It gives ample time to corporate chief executive officers (CEOs) and representatives of right-wing organizations, like Canada's Fraser Institute.

Fraser's Michael Walker tells viewers that hungry people in the developing world are better off when a sweatshop pays them 10 cents an hour to make brand name goods that sell for hundreds of dollars.

And it is just good business sense that a corporation moves to seek out more hungry people when its workers demand higher wages and better working conditions, Walker argues.

Many others are less ruthless. Sir Mark Moody-Stuart, former chairman of Royal Dutch Shell, is honestly concerned about protecting the environment. Under his guidance, Shell adopted many green initiatives and a commitment to developing renewable energy.

At the same time, Ken Saro Wiwa and eight other activists were hung in Nigeria for protesting Shell Oil's pollution of the Niger Delta.

Social critic and linguist Noam Chomsky -- the subject of Achbar's 1992 award-winning 'Manufacturing Consent' -- carefully points out that people who work for corporations, and even those who run them, are often very nice people.

The same could have been said about many slave owners, he observes. The institution -- not the people -- is the problem, Chomsky argues.

Eminent economist Milton Friedman sums up the role of the corporation succinctly: it creates jobs and wealth but is inherently incapable of dealing with the social consequences of its actions.

'The Corporation' documents a bewildering array of these consequences -- including the deaths of citizens who protest corporate ownership of their water in Cochabamba, Bolivia -- that demonstrate the extent and power of today's corporations.

It looks at the often-cozy relationships between corporations and fascist regimes, such as that of IBM and Nazi leader Adolph Hitler.

It demonstrates the power of advertising to create desires for luxury items, as well as how corporations can suppress information.

The documentary shows agribusiness corporation Monsanto successfully preventing the news media from airing a story about the potential health hazards of a genetically engineered drug given to many U.S. diary cows.

'The Corporation' also tells a number of success stories, including activists' successful fight to overturn corporate patents on the neem tree and basmati rice.

Bolivia's Oscar Olivera describes how citizens of Cochabamba city re-took control of their water. The lesson, he explains, is the people's capacity for "reflection, rage and rebellion" as an effective counter to corporate globalization

That is one of the film's messages, says Bakan. "We want people to understand that they can change things."

"Everyone keeps thanking us for making the film," says Mark Achbar, from the Sundance festival of independent films in Utah state.

"People are fed up with being talked down to and enjoy being intellectually engaged," he adds, trying to explain the documentary's popularity and several international festival awards.

Despite its current limited distribution in Canada, 'The Corporation' has been sold as a three-part, one-hour TV series to international markets, and Achbar is hoping it will be translated into Spanish.

Of course, there will not be a multi-million marketing campaign. The number of people who will see it will depend on those who have, spreading the word.

That is just one way to take back the power that corporations have usurped.

http://www.thecorporation.tv

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

hart


finished this watercolor this morning, although i had to resort to secret sauce to do so.

this week will be devoted to R&R, rest and recovery. hope i can do both.

here's an interesting site by somebody who articulates well the things we all feel and know in our ... oops, almost said heart. shall we go with gut?

from
After the Future: Jack Whelan: "What's the program? It has to start with curbing the influence of big money. I see this as the single most important issue and without having dealt with it effectively, nothing substantive is possible in the political sphere."

Monday, February 16, 2004

the winter bluz have really set in. lotta long faces around, twitchy. i have for some time thought that this phase did not start until march. but that was based on another time and another place. the winter bluz are here now.

yesterday was one of the longer days of my life.

my friend john r asked me today about all this "heart" business. come to find out he associated it with the western picture of "heart", all sappy and goofy and satin red. i was thinking of "heart" in the eastern manner, something to act from and on, a connection to beauty. beauty is reality, reality is beauty. a doorway.

then there is rilke:

"For beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror
which we are barely able to endure and are awed
because it serenely disdains to annihilate us.
Each single angel is terrifying."

then there's the laundry.

Saturday, February 14, 2004

hart

Friday, February 13, 2004

woke up. got out of bed. pulled the covers over my head.

finished three more long chapters in book i am typesetting, caught up on online course. washed the dishes and vacuumed. work as distraction.

then this jumped into my head:

"...that the thought of the heart is the thought of images, that the heart is the seat of the imagination, that imagination is the authentic voice of the heart, so that if we speak from the heart we must speak imaginatively."
james hillman
the thought of the heart

Thursday, February 12, 2004

long 24 hours. i think i am beginning to see with new eyes. the illumined world presents itself through the heart. head bobs along behind. it is a good day to be now.

the soul is messy, earthbound, fluid, moist, lives in the damp valleys, near water. spirit enfolds souls. the pull of a beautiful woman's soul illuminates the dark spaces of the heart and illuminates the world in a suprising novel new manner. continually.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

still here. wilber meeting last night a bit much for me. made it to doc by 7:45am this morning. another at ten am tomorrow, but big snow might derail appointment.

on another subject entirely, what do you do after your heart has been opened? me, i'm depressed.

Monday, February 9, 2004

got this from tharpa d. "onelist" just now. don't know what book it is from. but hillman seems to be suffering an eclipse right now, and it's good to remember what his subject matter was (is):

"We cannot go further . . . because we are bereft in our culture of an adequate psychology and philosophy of the heart, and therefore also of the imagination. Our hearts cannot apprehend that they are imaginatively thinking hearts, because we have so long been told that the mind thinks and the heart feels and that imagination leads us astray from both. Even when the heart is allowed its reasons, they are those of faith or of feeling, for we have forgotten that philosophy itself --the most complex and profound demonstration of thought-- is not 'wisdom' or 'truth' in an abstract sense of 'sophic'. Rather, philosophy begins in philos arising in the heart of our blood, together with the lion, the wound, and the rose. If we would recover the imaginal we must first recover its organ, the heart, and its kind of philosophy."

-James Hillman

Sunday, February 8, 2004

sunscl

why is this picture a cyber-doodle? 'cause i did it to substitute for the text that i can't write. i am in one of those limbic modes where words seem to take care of themselves. you know, like:

"it's all good."

and it is.

Saturday, February 7, 2004

nice birthday. i used to go to great lengths to deny them, but i just let this one slide by.

a little dionysian revelry last night, good for the soul.

my first experience with DSL outage - yesterday around noon i couldn't log on, tried a few things and phoned bellsouth support. after the usual beeps and clicks i didn't hear what i expected - "outage in your area" - but got into trouble shooting lines and modem. really did not want to do this so left it dysfunctional. phoned about 8 tonight, recorded message "your area has just recovered from an outage, you may have to reboot etc."

now why didn't they tell me that to begin with?

doug b. phoned this after noon, over at steve and racheal's, reitzals, doug, pleasant afternnon of conversation.

ok it's 9:41 pm est. i'm going to sign off and see how quickly i can get the image of the day done. ready, set, go...

sunscrawl

Friday, February 6, 2004

sq

heard from old friend of mine, chris m. this morning. since it is my bday tomorrow and i am, as they say, "older than i was then now", i can't resist including a snippet of his email:

"Sorry to be so long in getting back to you- computer and other defunctnesses. I�m very glad to hear from you- I have such a vivid memory of you from Chapel Hill, particularly one of you pacing back and forth and saying "I feel like a lion in an invisable cage," which I thought was the coolest thing."

time do slip away, don't it?

Thursday, February 5, 2004

spent yesterday at the computer and the easel. cold gray day but by 4 it was sunny but still cool. took an hour downtime walk 5-6, beautiful warm light glowing from the treetops. recorded a long guitar piece i think i can work with.

been working on dreamweaver online course since 6 this morning. now it's up and out to run errands before freezing rain hits around noon.

BTW it is my birthday this coming saturday. be sure to ship titanium g5 notebook computer to get here on time, as well as digital camcorder and camera.

Tuesday, February 3, 2004

everything is fine, it's all good. i'm having a slow day, worked on book ms., a painting, and caught up online class assignments. 2 hour horizontal daze while i sort of listened to some news. now it's off to Ken Wilber group. damn i live an exciting life.

Monday, February 2, 2004

mmg

a doodle a day keeps the doctor away. actually i'm half-way normal. we won't talk about the other half.

i just finished library book by Richard Morgan: altered carbon by richard k. morgan. this is a first novel and even though i don't much read science-fiction anymore, i really enjoyed it. first novel of any kind that i've enjoyed in a long time.

if you like william gibson you'll love it.

Sunday, February 1, 2004

comfusion

oh boy. got blindsided yesterday. closed out. omitted. rejected.

& of course this brings trailing behind it the feverish musings of the mind: did i do it? is it someone else's problem? is it mine?

the empty echos of knocking on a door where nobody's home?

or, as Sri Ramana Maharshi said, "who's knocking?"