this picture was an old watercolor i fixed with oil pastel. got truck heater back together, sort of, hope the defroster works, hope the whole thing doesn't quit in the middle - or beginning - of winter.

it's funny not having much to say lately. working on poetry book, music CD, but words escape me. or maybe i escape them.

task for tonight: see if i can stay awake long enough to find out about enneagrams. if i do, i'll be right back.

...
ok here it is:

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Test

i'm sooo tired. remember john lennons song? sleepless 7-10 days plus medication change. i'll be in bed by 8 tonight.

last nite went to bed at 1 AM, this morning i got up at 5, tested blood sugar (low) ate breakfast and had a cup of coffee, got back into bed and read a little of ken wilber's appendix C of new manuscript (found on shambala.com's site). put me to sleep until 10.

when i got up and still had low blood glucose. nonetheless twinkled new computer set-up, put truck heater blower back in truck. i don't think it'll last the winter, only runs on high. plus i have to do the yearly reconfiguration of under the dash adjustments which i dislike intensly. objective is to get heat into cab and window defrosters, has to be done with paper clips and chewing gum, on account of broken plastic connectors.

last nite had good wilber meeting. met a lady who moved down from cashiers nc, jackson county, my old stomping grounds.

i lived for five years with wife and children way up in the southern part of the county. it was an important part of my life, one i still dream about. one of the things that i miss about that lost world was the weather. cool liquid breezes, like mountain streams flowed thru the open windows at nite. it was a time and place, like some others in my life, that marked me.

come to find out from the lady, karen, that that has changed: the summers and winters are about like here in asheville. i was astounded by this information, but it makes sense. it's happening everywhere else. it never occured to me that that scene was over, vamoosed, nothing but a memory. those cool, moist breezes have moved on.

for those of us who think the internet is an exception to the capitalist choke hold on information, check this out:

Project Censored: "Such degree of market control spells trouble for freedom of information on the Internet. Cable and phone monopolies would become clearinghouses for information. Corporations and government agencies will hold tremendous power to filter and censor content. ISPs already have the capability to privilege, or block out, content traveling through their web servers. With the demise of open access regulations, Internet content will likely resemble the 'monotonous diet of corporate content' that viewers now receive with cable television."

haven't slept well for about a week now. my computer and i have been in upgrade hell, but i think my 266MZ G3 is now a 500MZ G4. email sending still a little questionable but i'll tweak it tomorrow.

haven't kept up with what is happening in the so called real world, but the predictable seems to be playing out with our leaders. lost in the jungle without a clue, dragging the whole country along with them. there seems to be a feeling out there that arrogence and ignorence in the leadership doesn't pay off too well, a smattering of jubilation that it is starting to show, seams fraying. but these folks have spent a lifetime not seeing you and me, do not expect them to learn from experience.

Watercolor I found. My guess Is that i did it a year ago.

Haven't said much lately about the war, elections, or politics. So here goes:

The oligarchs are too insulated, isolated, they have no feel for how ordinary madmen - and women - live. like you and me. they actually think what they are doing is preserving what is an obsolete world view, i.e. world.

Joe Sixpack and I might go along with the charade of it not being a charade, but as the world of institutions, making a living, and rampant egoism tilts, shakes and trembles, we are all feeling understandably uneasy. More so every day.

And that uneasiness is a necessary step towards some kind sanity. Hope it happens soon.

Meanwhile it is a nice rainy fall evening and I'm stuck trying to open my g3 to put a zif chip in. I've opened it before but (gulp) can't remember how. Maybe I'll go sling some paint around and crash.

backing up all the pictures i have floating around i found this. i don't know who did it.

taking a morning walk this morning, i saw a truck pass by with a bumper-sticker that read "trees please". small letters, but at least i think that was what it said.

not like the one i saw the other day: "honk if you don't exist."

but the best was what somebody said on pbs show last night:

religion is for people afraid of going to hell
spirituality is for people who have been there

found out today that warren zevon died. he had terminal (of course) cancer.

i don't think his was a household name, but surely we all remember "werewolves of london". he was brilliant, erratic, and put out a long string of obscure, ironic music. recovered drunk, wildman, gun nut, dangerous, smart in the best sense of the word. put out one last CD shortly before his demise.

my personal favorite (which i've been looking for for years) is "transverse city" (1989). the second cut, "run straight down", is, like the rest of the CD, like nothing i've heard before or since.

it expresses the dark side of the new world we are sliding into better than any music i know of.

http://warrenzevon.com
http://members.tripod.com/~Zevonaticism

oil pastel.

woke up this morning with very elevated blood-sugar, insulin pump ran dry during the night. one more piece of evidence that i need to do one thing at a time. too many computer conundrums, monitor fever.

so i went on sick-day routine, lots of extra insulin and water, dazed in bed until about noon. usually in my experience takes about a day to get right.

i did mess with the ongoing email problem. you don't want to know the details and i don't remember them. but i've got most of my address book back, along with all my settings, profiles, and mail.

only thing is i can receive email but can't send. about where i was 4 days ago.

the world situation brings to mind 2 lyrics from the world of rock and roll:

"there's less and less to say" -late dylan.
"i'm not talkin; thaaaat's what i got to say" -early yardbirds

well, the hell with it. I steadied what's left of my mind and focused on this email boondoggle today for about 11 hours. At one time I could send and receive mail, but no bookmarks. Since then things have degraded and presently I have lost address book, ability to send or receive emails, and all my bookmarks. Now I have to spend hours dampening the adrenalin, fade out as gracefully as I can, and work on some other stuff tomorrow, drive up to the parkway, paint a picture in the dark, and practice the yo-yo a bit.

talked to daughter-in-law Melissa today. Hurricane was high wind, rain, a few branches rattled. No electrical outage. I also talked to old friend George. They both said the same thing that I said, too busy to enjoy the fall. Beautiful day outside and I spent it in this cybercave.

George's problem is a little different: when he is in his cabin in Yadkin county, it ceases to be a problem.

He told me to vote for Dean, which was a useful tip since that world has really vaporized for me. But I think dean has a big problem: it's the way he looks on TV. Bob Dole, who by all accounts is a warm and decent man, had the same problem. My prediction: if they don't fix his video persona he'll lose. By fix I don't mean Hollywood, let his character be a part of the picture. If he has to resort to plain old harsh, emotional outbursts, that can win for him - as long as he is comfortable with himself and talks straight. A really optimistic outcome would be if this required straight talk. Whoever can do that from that world to this one wins. People are more than ready for it.

You may notice that I am using Bogger's new spell checker. It makes me capitalize things.

honey i shrank the picture (below). the one that was up yesterday was too big.

still wrestling with sending email. i can receive i can't send. this has to be the simplest problem that has ever turned me into a cyber-zombie. i break off fixing it to do a few fun things but i must persevere. very severe. i hooked up cd burner, and want to pop new zif in but not until i can send you an email.

did this this morning, kind of borrowed from an older watercolor.

i'm still unable to email from netscape 7 and i've lost 2 days fooling with it. starting to think G3 266MZ is not enough to run it. will make quick workaround. getting away to do some errands now.

the picture is a redo of a pencil drawing by my son eric he dis as a kid. found it on arizona trip.

i bit the bullet this morning and seriously tried to fix my email problem. all day until dinner, then i took a walk. beautiful twilight.

a phone call in the morning may end this (particular) ordeal.

meanwhile check this out: alex jones is the king of conspiricy perspective, so automatically suspect. but check him out. here is a good place to start:

"PROTECTING THE TERRORISTS / ALLOWING THEM TO ATTACK "
from
Government Prior Knowledge and Involvement in the September 11th Attacks Archive

well i tried to modulate down today, a slight drift down from hypomania, i don't care how much i get done (or don't). took a walk at 4pm and wonder of wonders a clear, crisp cool sunny day. still can't send email from ns7. today new zif chip and cd-burner should arrive.

remember:"do one thing at a time". if this rule-of-thumb is contrary to the prevailing ethos, so be it. we're talking personal survival here.

click here to hear the remarkable good sense of mr soros in last sunday's interview:

"'You know, you pass the USA Patriot Act without proper discussion. And anybody who opposed it was accused of giving aid and comfort to the terrorists. So I think we've gone off the rail in this country...."
from
NOW: Politics & Economy - The World According to George Soros | PBS

i have been moving with long sustained hypo-maniac productive periods for more than a few days now. guess i should be thankful. i'm hanging on for dear life to the local prime injunction "do one thing at a time", but paintings, quicktime movies, primitive flash, and mp3s are falling like rain. look out! oh yeah i think i finished rework of poetry book. i'll put it up tomorrow.

as far as the 10,000 things, i'm getting the distinct impression that rumsfield will go. the universal unease is about to become capable of being talked about, which it has not been.

i saw mr. soros the gizzillionaire sunday on PBS and he talked like a human for a long time, very clear, i'll find a link to the interview and put it here.

then maybe i'll fix it so i can send email again.

this might seem reasonable. it might not.

"That gave agents reason to enter the property without a search warrant, Lasater said. The agents stepped in to stop underage drinkers from getting intoxicated and making bad decisions later on in the evening, such as driving while impaired, he said.

'If you took the time to get a search warrant, the party would be over,' he said."
from
heraldsun.com: Alcohol police bring parties to an end:

today's brand new pic. off the top of my head what is happening:

cannot easily reply to or send email. trying to fix but just in fits and starts. so i'll be replying to recent mails soon.

beautiful morning, attended friend's meeting but didn't stick around to mingle.

worked on poem book most of the day. multiplexed and cleaned the domestic space.

pretty much gave up on watercolor i've been overworking. spend a little time each day finishing two oils. they seem to like this routine.

myself, i definitely feel things sliding. the uneasynease of our culture is about to be addressed. i feel we each have to be as clear as we can on what the meaning of the words are.

i got more response on the "monad-dyad" thing than i have in a long time. it makes me think (ouch) that my cohort, our peers, are maybe more of a philosophical post-metaphysical bent than i had realized. or i guess i knew this, it was just a reminder.

thanks to radio and tv i remembered that yesterday was september 11. floated a prayer. worked on 3 pictures, 1 watercolor and 2 oils. when to stop? initiated walking regime yesterday evening, 45 minutes, and guess what? it really helped me sleep. so i'm going to slip out right now and do it again.

todays twaddle. got up early, saw doc, got scrips, drove downtown and bought a new pair of shoes. no, not dancin' shoes. came home and twaddled all day. tomorrow i start daily walk routine in the early morning.

still puttering. time has slowed down. endless emergents. creative burst, lots to do, doing lots.

just got back from seeing premier of "Meher Baba: God in Human Form" at UNCA. excellant excellent production.

in the first place there is a structure that is crystal clear, which i know is one of the hardest things to do. hats off to peter nordeen who i think had a lot to do with that.

secondly, the production values were tip-top, lot of ken burns transtitions (lotta great old b & w photos to work with). nice clear soundtrack thanks john gunn. and everybody else who played a part in this movie. it presents the arc of Baba's life in a clear manner, with just enough mystery left in. not pushy. loved it.

picture says it all. or some of it. i got very little to say today, so i did the picture.

this morning was beautiful, more than a hint of fall. what a relief. but i stayed in front of the computer nearly all day, working on my poetry book. it's taking shape. know what i mean?

took time out to take bed apart and clean it, but i sure hurt my ribs doing it.

working on an oil, a watercolor, and a musical piece featuring guitar in open d, hawaaiin guitar in open d, and er hu chinese fiddle in key of d. course this was the culmination of a lot of tuning but i think i got it.

falling into old bad habits, so i'm going to leave computer off tomorrow, go to friend's meeting at 10 and film of Baba's life peter nordeen and (lots of) friends just finished at 4 i think. so i'm

Back in the Saddle Again

maybe summer will end. while i was waiting, happened upon something called something like "NFL Kickoff". (on tv of course).

and now i know what the "Brittany Spears" product/brand looks like in action. on the national mall, capital dome in the background, very high tech glossy translucent stage attractively hung with a billions of dollars worth of space-age electronics. where martin luther king was a hunred years ago.

the congruencies between the state, bizness, commercial sports, commercial son et lumiere, choreographed audience, and so forth was easy to see. but hard to figure out.

Brittany and a cast of hundreds of dancers, musicians, sound techs, computer people, maybe thousands, basically does a state-of-art micheal jackson world with a feminine persona. replete sexual references, but all within a closely-knit highly stylized pseudo-titillation mode, ie grabbing her crotch, jerking her legs open etc.

it's a new age with new worlds and new owners.

soon you will be seeing small crisp colorful logos on our currency.

the only watercolor i did while in az last month.

dig this: another leading edge crack:

"a stark fact is being emphasized: 80 years after the discovery of insulin, a significant number of people around the world with diabetes die because they don't have access to the life-saving drug."
from
medscape

quick oil pastel. not my usual style(s). i trust it is not a sign of impending religiousity.



slow oil pastel. done in arizona.

for a change this morning i thought i would post recent email correspondance. it is a good example of why pointy headed intellectuals like myself cannot park their bicycles straight.

reply to email---------------------------------
>
> The word monad comes from the greek word monos (from the word mono,
> which means "one", "single", "unique") and has had many meanings in
> different contexts:
>
> 1. Among the Pythagoreans (followers of Pythagoras) the monad was
> the first thing that came into existence.

hmmm. i thought it was eternal, unchanging, the One. so it exists beyond time and location always.

> The monad begat the
> dyad, which begat the numbers, the numbers begat points, which
> begat lines, which begat two-dimensional entities, which begat
> three-dimensional entities, which begat bodies, which begat the
> four elements earth, water, fire and air, from which the rest of
> our world is built up. The monad was thus a central concept in
> the cosmology of the Pythagoreans, who held the belief that the
> world was - literally - built up by numbers. (The source of this
> claim is Diogenes Laertius book Lives of Eminent Philosophers.)

i thought the dyad was the source of the manifest world (via chain of being). the monad somehow eminates it.

in vedic thought and other wisdom traditions there is the One (Brahma) and there is maya, sort of a consort of the One which somehow playfully produces it, and maya begins the cascade of manifest creation down to human conciousness, at which point the manifest begins the long climb back to the one. this process necessarily involves concious evolution - the personal and transpersonal conciousness. when the seer and the seen disappear bingo God realization.

the brahma-prana split is repeated by many traditions, eg parusha-prakti, nirvana-samsara, theos-logos, father son/logos, the One-Nous (plotinus), shiva-shakti, brahman-kali (ramakrishna).

> 2. Within certain variations of Gnosticism, especially those
> inspiered by Monoimus, the monad was the higher being which
> created lesser gods, or elements (similar to aeons). This view
> was according to Hippolytus inspired by the Pythagoreans.

philip k dick has a lot to say about this one, albeit in terms of sci-fi. the gnostics believed, similar to paul, that matter was evil and imperfect because it was an imperfect production of imperfect or evil maker - a false god. the real maker was far away (11 emanations or levels i think) and only infrequently broke thru into the manifest, ie like avatar.

> 3. In the writings of the philosopher Gottfried Leibniz, the monads
> appear as spiritual entities which make up the essence of our
> world. They do not interact with our world (are "windowless"),
> and do not have volume (do not take up space) and are thus
> impossible to detect by scientific methods. The arrangements of
> the monads make up the faith and structure of this world, which
> to Leibniz was "the best of all possible worlds".

very different monads. because they are plural. but still beyond time and location.

i'm reading wilber's online but still unpublished stuff which will i think become volume 2 of everything trilogy. he is saying there are no intermediate preexistants (as in platonic forms, jungian archtypes). instead, as conciousness evolves they become a pattern, albeit invisible. yeterday's a postori become todays a priori.

sure is fun to write about this stuff and not have a clue about it.

chris

myself in jim's imaginary front yard after recent travel marathon. i felt worse than i looked.

watched that wills fellow on the sunday news parade. he pointed out that the "liberals" were engaged in a performative contridiction concerning the money that dean is raising, since they are against mixing money and politics.

this is so goofy i have to comment. people's money is different from corporation money when it comes to what is left of politics. just as an individual's right to free speech was not meant to include a corporation's right to pay the media to spread it's messages. advertising is not "free speech". my contribution to a political candidate is not the same as an institution's.

constitutional law has degraded to the point where an institution or corporation has all the rights guaranteed to a human by the counstitution. only they have massive amounts of cash and outlive us.

found this photo at my dad's house (along with a lot of other visual odds and ends). i took it at tilley creek early 80's, where i lived with my wife and children. tricked it up and printed it on cibachrome. darkroom stuff. ancient past.

i am slowly resetting. right now am looking for camera case, coffee maker, and about 300 pages i printed of ken wilber's latest online stuff.

as far as current events go, they are going going gone. politics is now beside the point. stumbling into iraq totally ignorant of who or what is there has unraveled more or less predictably. the arrogence of our republican leaders who i actually think believe thier pie charts, and the fear of the democrats of going out on a limb and actually saying something about it is self evident. the shennanigans of israel could be stopped cold by the cessation of denial that they are living on land that belongs to someone else, even if god did say it was thiers. assassinations by self-immolation and missles. i recently saw a kid's lunchbox with super ninjas on it. they looked exactly like everyone's idea of terrorists. last night on dateline the story of four middle class american families who were struggling with the loss of everything, homes, jobs, health insurance.

the common denominator in all this is in my humble opinion the fact that institutions as a way of organizing people, profit and fear of no profit as a motivator, no longer work. things change. compassion and altruism have to come into play, i don't care what ayn rand, o'reilly, rush and friends say.

i think i painted this before i left for travel extravaganza.

i've got so many things to say that i've got nothing much to say here.

but here is a taste: have you seen or heard of the woman who wrote "treason" something or another? as i understand it, she is rehabilitating mcarthy and declaring those against the iraq war traitors. the democrats - what's left of them (no pun intended) - are "against america".

talk radio is full of this stuff. to disagree is to be an outlaw.

good to be back home after 25 or so days on the road. i'm exhausted of course.

the picture above is first try at oil-based pastels. don't quite know what to do with them but they sure are portble, easy to schlepp around. i did it at my dad's house in prescott az. his AC was out, but with the judicious use of attic fan and the timely closing and unclosing of windows it was pretty comfortable.

unlike phoenix where i didn't stay too long with sister jane and fred. dropping in on phoenix is a shock, and i really can see no good reason for it's existence. hard to imagine that i was exiled there for ten years.

i'm aiming to move very slow for a week or two - "one thing at a time" - review options, priorities (what options?) and relax.

Vacation Ending
testing, testing.

i"m visiting with Jim c. tonite. last nite at doug & nicole's. NC is another hot place. seems like a summer full, talked a little about Lucius shephard with jim. the nation.

hope to see damien with ninian tomorrow. looking foward to own bed own head.

stick around, fool around, poke around.

i'll be back.

meanwhile a few vacation posts will be found below:

visited sister jane and husband fred a few days ago. took shuttle to phoenix with dad who had an appoinment with VA docs for tuning ear aids or whatever you call them. fred and jane had just returned from cape cod visit with fred's parents.

took shuttle back to prescott next day: air conditioning on shuttle went out, not good, but made it back.

then got call from jane, fred's father ralph who was in hospital unexpectedly passed away. he was a pleasant and good natured soul, may he rest in peace.

they managed to fly back to cape cod yesterday despite east coast blackout.

monday. enjoying stay with dad in prescott altho hotter than hell. semi-rescued one watercolor and am now trying oil pastels which i really like, very portable, just the thing for the road.

blood sugars have really been wacky, maybe from antibiotic i'm taking. split my head open leaving aville, 7 stitches. most ungraceful exit ever. will see fred and sister jane tommorow in phx. they fly in from cape cod. fred's father ralph is in the hospital having a tough time.

words of wisdom? don't have any except "the spirit is received in silence". oh, i experimented with cable tv last nite, spent a few minutes with each channel. (don't have or want this at home). it's all true, "57 channels and nothin's on" as mr. springsteen said awhile back. unbelievable circus of commerce, cliches, warmed over one-liners and fake jewels.

and i think - tho not sure - you are still regarded as an "egghead" in todays world if you don't watch this stuff. over and out.

sitting in the library in prescott az once again. been here (in town, not the library) for a week, seems like either a year or a day. across the street is the house my son eric and i lived in 100 years ago.

nothing much to report except the world is nuts and so am i. it has taken me a week to start very unsatisfactory watercolor - but the next one will be better of course. found some great photos of my grandparents, one of grandpa wyly 9 months old. i'll add these to some kind of cyber album when i get back to the smokies.

i keep remembering gb shaws quote, "growing old is like a shipwreck."

but heard old friend ben jones on the radio this morning which was kind of fun. he sounds well and is still quick on the draw with a quip. gotta go now, trying to research air conditioning for dad whose system flaked out.

expect to see son eric next sunday for a few days, he's driving from sunnyvale ca to flagstaff straight through, spending the night with friends and then on to here.

prescott has changed just like anywhere, tibetan bookstore down the street, new age all the rage.

terrible day. started off great, nice long walk in cool air. when i got back i lost all my zip and it became a lost day, no energy, no focus, no foolin. one of those days when anything you try to do quickly goes haywire. did find the watercolor posted above floating around in a small notebook in my truck.

but a little weather news, tip of the hat to tharpa.

j.g. ballard in the 60's i believe wrote a number of novels about abrupt weather changes, the one i remember best is the wind from nowhere. good read, bad news.

email i got this morning. thanks russel and tucker;
--------------------

as we say in Woolof--"Danka Danka Japa Gaola"--Softly softly catch the monkey" --I didnt see
this weird visit to one of my favorite countries-just everyone saying how compassionate the
speech was!!
Go figure
T


A letter from a Senegalese following Bush's visit that was forwarded to me.

Russell Banks


> >
> > Dearest friends,
> >
> > As you probably know, this week George Bush is
> > visiting Africa.
> > Starting with Senegal, he arrived this morning at 7.20
> > PM and left at 1.30 PM. This visit has been such an
> > ordeal that a petition is being circulated for this
> > Tuesday July 8th be named Dependence Day.
> >
> > Let me share with you what we have been trough since
> > last week.
> >
> > 1- Arrestations: more than 1,500 persons have been
> > arrested and put in jail between Thursday and
> > Monday. Hopefully they will be released now that the
> > Big Man is gone
> > 2- The US Army's planes flying day and nigh over
> > Dakar. The noise they make is so loud that one hardly
> > sleeps at night
> > 3- About 700 security people from the US for Bush's
> > security in Senegal, with their dogs, and their cars.
> > Senegalese security forces were not allowed to come
> > near the US president
> > 4- All trees in places where Bush will pass have been
> > cut. Some of them have more than 100 years
> > 5- All roads going down town (were hospitals,
> > businesses, schools are located) were closed from
> > Monday night to Tuesday at 3 PM. This means that we
> > could not go to our offices or schools. Sick people
> > were also obliged to stay at home.
> > 6- National exams for high schools that started on
> > Monday are post-poned until Wednesday.
> > Bush's visit to the Goree Island is another story. As
> > you may know Goree is a small Island facing Dakar
> > where from the 15th to the 19th century, the African
> > slaves to be shipped to America were parked in special
> > houses called slave houses. One of these houses has
> > become a Museum to remind humanity about this dark
> > period and has been visited by kings, queens,
> > presidents. Bill,
> > Hillary and Chelsea Clinton, and before them, Nelson
> > Mandela, the Pope, and many other distinguished guests
> > or ordinary tourists visited it without bothering the
> > islanders. But for "security reasons" this time, the
> > local population was chased out of their houses from 5
> > to 12 AM. They were forced by the American security to
> > leave their houses and leave everything open,
> > including their wardrobes to be searched by special
> > dogs brought from the US. The ferry that links the
> > island to Dakar was stopped and offices and businesses
> > closed for the day.According to an economist who was
> > interviewed by a private radio, Senegal that is a very
> > poor country has lost huge amount of money in this
> > visit, because workers have been prevented from
> > walking out of their homes.In addition to us being
> > prevented to go out, other humiliating things happened
> > also. Not only Bush
> > brought did not want to be with Senegalese but he did
> > not want to use our things. He brought his own
> > arm-chairs, and of course his own cars, and meals and
> > drinks. He came with his own journalists and ours were
> > forbidden inside the airport and in place he was
> > visiting. Our president was not allowed to make a
> > speech. Only Bush spoke when he was in Goree. He
> > spoke about slavery. It seems that he needs the vote
> > of the African American to be elected in the next
> > elections, and wanted to please them. That's why he
> > visited Goree Several protest marches against American
> > politics have been organized yesterday and even when
> > Bush was here, but we think he does not care.
> >
> > We have the feeling that everything has been done to
> > convince us that we are nothing, and that America can
> > behave the way it wants, everywhere, even in our
> > country.
> > Believe me friends, it is a terrible feeling. But
> > according to a Ugandan friend of mine, I should not
> > complain because in Uganda one of the country he is
> > going to visit, Bush does not intend to go out of the
> > airport. He will receive the Ugandan President in the
> > airport lounge.
> > Nevertheless, I think I am lucky, because I have such
> > wonderful American friends. But there are now
> > thousands of Senegalese who believe that for all
> > Americans the world is their territory.
> >
> > ��������������������� Love to you all
> >
> > ��������������������� Codou
> >
> > ______________________________________________________
> > ___________
> > Add photos to your messages with MSN 8. Get 2 months FREE*.�
> > http://join.msn.com/?page=features/featuredemail
> >
> >
> > ------- End of forwarded message -------
> >
> >
> >
> Chase Twichell
> Editor, Ausable Press
> www.ausablepress.com

slowed down day. ninian spent the night last night. he played some pleasant hillbilly trance (that's "old timey") music on the banjo. doing watercolor on clayboard, very interesting possibilities. went to mark and sharri's for baba gathering, really interesting talk by sherri on sufi kawalli music. she got her doctorate in ethnomusicolgy. wish i had.

good news! check out my astro-gnostic probability-wave for this week:

yesterday was a little strange; worked all day on various things. i think i finished one oil and almost a second. if i'm right i will have finished 3 in this lifetime. decided to wait until end of august to continue upgrade on g3, mostly zif cpu upgrade and cd burner. also got pretty good electronic-trance mix done, now to add vocals (sigh).

also caught the last half of something on pbs about music and musicians in pakistan today. Peshawar, the northwest "wild west" of that country, has outlawed music. playing, listening etc. a la taliban. an articulate member of eclectic pakastani rock group traveled there to check out the feelings of the folks who live there and the students of a moderate madras.

Peshawar and the territories in the northwest are historically an aberration. after WW1 a line was drawn by some general in london or paris - or versailles - dividing afghanistan and pakistan and split this region down the middle. there was actually a short-lived movement to establish the area as a nation-state with a name something like "peshwaristan". i say something like because i can't remember what it was actually meant to be named.

pakistani law does not prohibit music, but the influence of the mullahs and madrasi means that it cannot be performed (or even hummed) in that part of the world.

anyway the conversations were most interesting. if you accept even in a tiny way the position of the fundamentalist muslims who wield power there that the modern mediated culture is exploding with destructive images and sound you can see the problem they are dealing with.

on the other hand, looking at islamic history and especially the sufi thread, one can argue that music has always been an integral part of that tradition - kawali, rumi, etc.

so it is (to fall into ken wilber's world) a clash of the modern market driven world-centric world view and an ethnocentric regressive world view.

the answer of course is to transcend but include the ethnic values. that is acknowledge the downside of the current cultural juggernaut and play good music that reflects the higher states of mind and culture and dismisses the cheap thrill. or to put it another way, the answer is blowin in the wind.

an interesting comparison is with the iconaclastic controversy of the 8th and 9th centuries, when both the islamic and byzantine cultures decleared man made images to be a distraction from the true, the good, and the beautiful. which they can be, if the observer worships the image and not the reality behind it.

so it's all in the eye - or ear - of the beholder.

but which beholder? here again i go along with wilber: the same beholder who is beholding us.

i changed the picture above and below. they were just not right. something off about both of them. hope they are a little more...interesting now.

i'm in countdown mode for trip to raleigh and on to arizona. the older i get the earlier i have to start organizing and packing. if this trend continues, there will come a time when i don't have the time left to pack and go anywhere.

i'm racing to finish 2 projects before the long hiatus. (no, not that), i mean the coming trip. want to complete a pdf file that will contain old parsons family photos so my scattered extended family can take a look and tell me who is in the photos, where they were taken and so forth.

second is another pdf file, the new life, a book i am typesetting for mr. jeff in south carolina. incorporate changes i have got, insert many picture frames and captions.

the first will be done by today, the second by tomorrow.

yesterday i was planning to drive up to mr. b.'s camping spot in yancey county, but the hot weather stopped me cold so to speak. instead i totally screwed up a water color but came close to finishing 2nd oil painting. ninian arrives sat. for an overnight stay. now i'm going to take a walk.

2 links to good newspaper series on voting machine, procedures story (hugely under reported).

story

more

not a whole lot to say this AM. ran out of insulin in pump woke up with blood sugar reading of 530. this essentially blows my day and means taking it easy while i bring it down.

interesting discussion last nite at ken wilber group. one of the many things i like about wilber is that he dismisses the solitary holy man up on the mountain as not the way to go today, or not the way to spend one's life. or better yet, not the way to go exclusively.

when i was younger i pondered this question; i usually felt more than a twinge of guilt at any glimpses of the spirit i might have from time to time, because i couldn't relate them to the world. i believe martin luther dealt with this knotty problem when talking about the "quietists".

if i have any "faith" it is that beyond the visible world there is something attributeless without which the visible and manifest would not be. but this is the result of experiences i have had and what memory has left me, not "faith".

any faith i have is faith that for reasons far beyond my understanding i am in the world. like all of us my life seems to necessary, as it unfolds, to capital-R Reality. my existence and experience matter.

now that i've got that settled, what do i do with it?

just to be on the safe-side i checked out the white-house list of suspicious reading. so should you. thanks, tuck.

A PICTURE

A DAY

KEEPS

THE DOCTOR

AWAY



had a brain scan the other day. above is the result. doc said don't worry, it's going around.

i put it up because i don't have much to say today. except that the current interest in whether bush and company lie or not i think is entirely misplaced.

in my humble opinion nobody believed him in the first place. did you? so any revelations about what he knew when he said whatever doesn't matter and is beside the point.

here's an interesting thought: gen. wesley clark for democratic presidential nominee.

don't know if the google WMD thing below still works. maybe it was a temporary hack done for the "hacking" contest of a few days ago. hope it is still there.

it's dark and cool - but humid - outside this morning so i'll head out for a walk in a minute. this is easier said than done for me, since i have to check blood sugar when i wake up and if it is too high correct it with insulin pump and wait for it to come down while the sun comes up, which quite often means no walk until it's too hot. speaking of type I diabetes today is the day for my yearly retnothopy - sp? - check with eye doc. used to dread it, as blindness is such a bugaboo. nowdays i just go, thankful that somehow they will deal with me, even tho i don't fit into any socio-economic pigeon hole. in a culture that defines identity by role, marginalized pioneers sometimes pay a heavy price.

which reminds me of a sci-fi book by harry harrison i read a lifetime ago, bill the galactic hero, in which there were people called the "de-planned", who had lost thier way in the cutural matrix. can you say "marginalized"?

ken wilber, along with a lot of other folks, think that the outer edges of culture is where the action is, where the values and worldview of the future emerge. in a discussion i had with friends the other day it was observed that maybe some of us, because of this, might consider this group the true "elite". i don't. i think the "dispossesed" might be more accurate. i don't think any mature person would voluntarily put himself or herself in this catagory. but i think more and more folks will find themselves there. has to do with values, experience, intuition, and perspective, none of which are wholey self selected.

speaking of wilber, i am just about finished with sex, ecology, and spirituality, reading the footnotes at the end of the book, where i found this:

"for a particular chilling account of this retribalization and it's growing influence in the immediate future, see robert kaplin's 'the coming anarchy' in the february 1994 issue of the atlantic. kaplan also sees the world heading towards globalization, but with an extended period of retribalization: 'whereas the distant future will probably see the emergence of a racially hybrid, globalized man, the coming decades will see us more aware of our differences than our similarities.'

"kaplan ties his thesis to the work of van creveld's transformation of war, homer-dixon's environmental studies, and huntington's thoughts on culture clash: under various intense environmental and demographic stresses, numerous state mechanisms of governance will fragment into ethnic tribal bands. and, kaplan points out (quoting van creveld), future 'armed conflicts will have more in common with the struggles of primitive tribes than with large-scale conventional war' (i.e., regression to tribal warfare prior to state warfare about which van clausewitz theorized).

"...and thus, kaplan points out... 'in places where the western enlightment has not penetrated and where there has always been mass poverty, people find liberation in violence.'

"...as tribalized warfare increases: 'because the radius of trust within tribal societies is narrowed to one's immediate family and guerilla comrades [largely preconventioal and egocentric] , then truces arranged with one commander may be broken immediately by another.' likewise, 'when cultures [ethnicities], rather than states, fight, then cultural and religious monuments are weapons of war, making them fair game.' "

do this:

go to google and in search field type in "weapons of mass destruction", probably need to include quotes. then click "i'm feeling lucky". thanks, richard, for this gem.

sunday morning. for some reason having to do with with when i grew up, i am always reminded of the lines from an old charly musselwhite song:

"sunday morning
everybody's in bed
i'm on the street
talking out of my head"
course i'm not.

i talked to son eli yesterday. he visited damien friday. damien is now in rehab at wake med, was ambulanced there thursday. the good news: nurses told him that in the short time he has been there, he has gone up two levels on some scale they use. get well damien, we all love you.

i'm struggling with how personal i can get with these posts. the "confessional" mode does not appeal to me. plus the personal mode is one i seem to be able to fall into face to face, but the written word does not seem able to carry my story. the words just are'nt there.

so here is an update on the gulf war, strictly my own opinion. the political machine that got us into this for whatever reason has no idea of where they are. the class of corporate oligarchs that spearheaded the effort is incapable, seemingly, of appreciating world views other than thier own severly constricted outlook. "helpless like a rich man's child" (dylan). they should all be forced to spend a month on the street with a few bucks in their pocket. whether the changing storylines that led the public were lies or ignorance does not matter. in real world terms it was and is nonsense. what is happening around the world, esp. iraq, is entirely predictable from the point of view of the man on the street. which is why i argued during the ramp-up to the war that if we won on the first day and saddam's head was fed-exed to bush, our troubles would be just beginning. any number of saner methods could have produced the demise of saddam's power.

i believe the sequence of moves leading to the war were based on the same "logic" that the tv commercials for "total" cereal use. that product touts that it contains 100% of the daily vitamins needed to sustain life, so buy it. but common sense (remember it?) tells us the only way this could be an advantage is if this were all you were going to eat during the whole day. and then you would die from lack of calories. this line has been used for at least 20 years, so the people respond to it. just as they (we) are buying into the daily sound bites justifying the coup d'etat that has happened in washington dc. enough.

didn't sleep thru the fireworks like i usually do, my daily rhythms are in such a metabolic flux i more or less came to about 9 pm and painted for a few hours. two days before i woke up at 4:45 am, fresh, full of energy and enthusiasm and got a lot done - by a lot i mean work on my nebulous creative projects. lately i have to catch each wave of energy and ride it, but i never know when one will come.

yesterday i got a lot of phone calls from my daughter, cousin linda in idaho who i haven't seen since we were children, sister jane on her cell-phone while out walking in the summer heat of phoenix. tuned up G3 which seems to have settled down, i was experiencing a little of the inevitable system wackiness which manifests from time to time. i always attribute these things to stray muons blasting thru the electronics. not sure what they are doing to my head.

got an email from these folks who stumbled onto my site:

commonwheel journal

extremely pertinant site, great links, one of which jumped out at me:

ivan illych on what we need and what we don't.

last nite i finally managed to hook up good mike to G3, records well with no noise. i used to do this routinely about a year ago, but couldn't remember how i did it. played around for a week, and then stumbled on the answer which had been staring me in the face.

so i immediately recorded a short piece, 3 guitars, hammond b3 and percussion, and went to bed.

when i got up this morning computer would not boot up. i went thru the usual drill, and then gave up.

which was good, because it fixed itself.

happy fourth.

thurday evening. sam dropped by. i think he's right: next step for me is periodic, routine, but very minor hubbub. reflection is a funny word. but, like my sister always tells me, i probably could use a little more structure in my life.

so i'm going to walk each morning before it's daylight.

rainy tuesday morning. bad night last night, couldn't sleep. listened to alex gray on shortwave for a long time. this guy's operation fascinates me. (info-wars.com) if 1% of what he is talking about is anywhere near true, we're in philip. k. dick land bigtime.

i haven't studied his documentation, but am thinking i 'll take a look at it. as i understand what he is saying:

9-11 was a setup. the FAA or defese dept was conducting an in the air test of crashing airplanes into buildings that very day.

the "mainstream" media has stated that troops were in afghanistan up to 6 months before 9-11.

iran invaision plans already in place.

prison labor ("slave-camps") already a profitable operation, the bush's own stock in one of the companies spearheading this.

terrorist threat is generated by us govt. to produce docile public. this operation goes back a long way.

pretty strong stuff, huh?

thanks to tharpa for this information. i wonder if the guy they are studying watches tv:
"NASA to study man who survives on liquids and sunlight"
from
here:

another big (40k) cyber-doodle. lately i feel like i'm just messin around, not accomplishing much. which is probably true.

the best part of waking up is taking a walk which i am gonna do...right now.

today is the birthday of my two oldest children, eric and nicole. i am very proud of them and the way they are navigating through this life, aka "vail of tears".

on another subject entirely (?), i found this quote yesterday which, as is said, "speaks" to me:

"any faith with the idea of truth behind it is better than no faith at all. it is better to walk the wrong road and return to the right way than not to walk at all. what matters spiritually is faith. when faith becomes love than there is no need for faith any longer."

Meher Baba

oops. a trifle big. still only 20 something k . just wanted to see how fast i could drag a rabbit out of a hat. (5 minutes).

i don't know why but i'm having a perfectly wonderful day. got a nice walk in this morning. played with flash a bit, i'll be learning it in bits and drabs (drabs?) so watch out. paid a bunch of bills, never an easy thing for me to focus on. ordered insulin pump supplies. worked on 2 oil paintings, just having fun on these, i don't think either are gonna work. and mixed down an mp3 that totally stressed the old mac out. results questionable so i'll strip it down a little and redo tommorow.

haven't talked to a human all day. in wilberese i'm hyper-agentic. but not very communal.

when i was exiled to phoenix i used to get upset because there was no "outside", a comfortable place always available. now i'm totally - but not i hope permanently - adjusted to living in a pod by myself because i want to do so much.

new documentary out:
The Gospel According to Philip K. Dick - A Filmmaker's Journal
looks very interesting, i'll see if it is for rent anywhere.

trying to remember what i did saturday... oh yes, it was an out and about day. bought electric paraphanalia to try and unclutter painting micro-space lighting system. pharmacy for a bunch of medicine, quite costly, but bush told me he would help out. swung by steve b.'s house and we spent a little while trying to figure out how to siphen the contents of 3 55 gallon barrels of no. 2 heating oil into his tank. i've been scanning in watercolor landscapes, goal is they end up giclee miniatures on some kind of notecard. it will take a little time the first time to get the files ready.
also trying to get a fix on how to get the cleanest audio recording from a bunch of mike's and adapters. i keep forgetting how i did it. today i skipped friend's meeting and painted all day, then went to steve and ira's for a potluck at six. ira wasn't there. come back ira! pleasant hours in a pleasant space. conversation: silence and manifistation.

yesterday i had sort of a free day with a 1:15 appt to neurologist sandwiched in. cleaned up the computer and the house, jump started oil painting again. i'm still at the try everything see what works stage. so far in my life i've started 5, and want to more or less finish one.

got together with the old folks who didn't used to be last evening. very pleasant couple of hours and some great bar-b-q and flat beans. talked about rotweiller pups and narrative flow.

i tried to explain how "the narrative" was not my strong suit at this point of my life; don't much read novels anymore, and when i do often don't finish them. haven't put a movie in VCR for a few years, and only seen 3 movies in the 5 or so years i've lived here. as my old ladyfriend michele used to say when we lived in AZ, every time we watched a movie, within the first 20 minutes or so i would wonder off. reading a novel for me is like reading a series of paragraphs that don't always have a lot to do with each other.

could it be that this is because by the time i'm on page 100 page 10 is lost in the dust? ie can't remember too well how i got there? maybe this sheds some light on this development:

"much snow is falling, winds roar hollowly,
the owl hoots from the elder,
fear in your heart cries to the loving-cup:
sorrow to sorrow as the sparks fly upward,
the log groans and confesses:
there is one story and one story only."

-robert graves, "to juan at the winter solstice"

Nice visit to hendersonville yesterday, walk in light rain with bill o. around carl sandburg's place in flat rock. very lush northwestern feel, maybe because of the rain which only ended today. visited his bro-in-law fred, beautiful mountain spread, goats, garden. helping me on my latest mission, relaxing. as bill quoted from somebody, "it's better to do nothing than do something wrong." doug b. dropped by this morning, may or may not be on the way back down the mountain. i'm about ready to edit and delete the blog archives which is not real easy but needs to be done. that and clean the kitchen.

colored pencil done in my sister's backyard awhile back. just making sure all is as it should be in my slice of cyberspace and it displays in browser's of my vast number of fans.

driving to hendersonville in 30 minutes to visit my old friend bill o. we pushed the envelope a bit a quarter of a century ago. i've never been to hville.

of course today we both are perfectly sane, settled, and older. not in that order.

haven't been able to post since sunday i think. i believe a stray muon zapped something somewhere within blogger.com. i did manage to finally get tueusday's post up. what i did was delete post from blogger that never showed up in browser, paste it back into post window in blogger, and publish. but after that one instance nothing i did would show in browser.

this morning it seems to be working again. now maybe i can do something useful like vacuum my domestic module.

more and more i think you've got to be twisted to plunge into the meta-vortex of digital anything. fortunately i guess i qualify.

can't complain today. i woke up. got out of bed. dragged a comb across my head. did not go out and have a smoke.

"Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic
fervor, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind. And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry. Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader and gladly so. How do I know? For this is what I have done.
And I am Caesar."
Julius Caesar
from
holons.org Home

just finished 12 hour marathon in front of computer. was it worth it? no. killed a lot of time though. and did manage to finish two projects that have been hanging around.

i find i am getting very interested in doing nothing but with a clear head, not zombieville, just "easy does it".

"easy do" as bill burroughs said.

a front porch would be nice. staring at a wall, laying in the grass, whatever. this feverish frenzy has got to go, creative or not. somewhere bouncing around in the gridlock in my head there is a dim memory of long endless summers, copper colored air around me, inside a green glow, lost in the kadzoo. what happened? where'd it go? and who was that child anyway?

the worst i've felt in a loooong time. nothing specific. like i'm drugged - slow motion - zero energy. very short periods when i feel sort of alive. must be coming down with a case of terminal terror, ancient angst, solitary ambiguity. once in awhile i sleep. most of the time i stumble around in a fuzzy daze.

why am i telling you this? cause i've got nothing to say. i've seen two doctors this week and they didn't have much to say either.

found on a piece of paper in the living room:

squeeked through again
but i don't know where i'm going
up on the mountain top
where the wind was blowing
i left a beat up chevy
way out in the park
walked through an icestorm
man it was real dark
when i got back to town
it almost wasn't there
but neither was i
so i almost didn't care
the children were roaming
up and down the street
i sat there in a stupor
it all smelled like meat

see what i mean?

What Have We Here

took an hour's walk last evening, if the weather would stay like it is now (like aville was 30 years ago in the summer) i might get healthy.

as it is i got up at 5, tested my blood sugar in preperation for nice cool walk, and it was 450 plus. infusion set had torn out during a very restless and sleepless night.

so i redid the whole do and spent the next hour or less on the phone long-distance to jeff who fed me corrections to book i am typesetting for him. exercise of any sort is contra-indicated when blood glucose is over 200-250.

it will be a long slow day, blood sugar dropping bit by bit. then i can eat breakfast. i'll spend the day trying to make sense of ken wilber graphics i am doing.

a pretty damn bad week - so far:

maybe something to do with what mr. eliot was talking about in "four quartets":

"a condition of complete simplicity costing not less than everything."

a mantra of my youth was

"if it's not one thing it's another."

now i think it's

"if it's not one thing it's everything."

this is along the lines of the rule:

1 + 1 = 2 + 1

damien aycock, son of travis and ludie, had a car wreck coming home from work friday night and is in intensive care at UNC hospital. neckl and skull fractures. his spinal cord seems to be all right. the way a break like he has is usually treated is a box like affair around the neck attached by screws to the skull to prevent head movement, but the skull is fractured and not stable. hospital team meets today for treatment plan. basically he is very lucky, no nerve damage. get well damien.

meanwhile james in oak ridge is failing fast. i saw him wed and thursday and am so glad i made the effort.. we have some sort of very unusual karmic connection i think. pancreatic and liver cancer.

[later] james passed away at 7 am this morning.

could be one of these....

or...
maybe not

or



or

Lily by the Footbridge

the weather here has been so beautiful. a long cool wet foggy misty spring, cool air blowing through the window at night. this is western carolina as i remember it from 30 years ago.

made it to friends meeting today and re-met the father of an old friend of mine, same 30 years ago as above.

it looks like aug 2 - august 23 i will be in arizona.

i talked to dave, jame's brother today on the telephone. after consultation with oncologist last week decision was not a good candidate fo chemo. he enters hospice program, ie no medical treatment except pallitive on monday. i'm hoping to drive to oak ridge wednesday to say good bye, return the next day.

been feeling good the last few days; abunch of stuff i was doing i finished and now i'm doing another bunch.

visited ira nd goats and dogs yesterday. oscar seemed to like my (chinese) fiddle playing. looked at large format "100 flowers" by o'keefe, inspiring and discouraging at the same time.

cleaned art factory, found surprises etc.

just took a pleasant walk - the skies are cloudy and overcast - with richard.

"When I asked to speak to a lawyer, the INS official informed me that I do have the right to a lawyer but I would have to be brought down to the station and await security clearance before being granted one. When I asked how long that would take, he replied with a coy smile: "Maybe a day, maybe a week, maybe a month."

We insisted that we had every right to leave and were going to do so. One of the policemen walked over with his hand on his gun and taunted: "Go ahead and leave, just go ahead."

from
AlterNet: Patriot Raid

click here to download a copy of collected lyrics and pictures by yours truly in the form of a pdf ebook.

"State and commercial institutions
have assumed some of the functions
of the public sphere, and political
institutions, such as parties, have
assumed advocacy roles in support of
their patrons.

.... this transformation has led to a
refeudalization of the public sphere.
Large and powerful organizations
such as corporations, labor unions,
political parties, professional groups
and interest groups bargain with the
state and one another -- often out of
sight or mind of the public -- to
allocate resoureces, opportunities,
and patronage.

These institutions still seek public
support and the marks of legitimacy,
but they do this through the exercise
of publicity or public relations, not
necessarily through contributions to
rich public discourse."

Siva Vaidhanathan paraphrasing Jurgen Habermas.
from
BookBlog

had an early breakfast with barbara and winnie. then barbara took oof into bookville. she's got another book going.

woke up this morning clear-headed and squirrly. the first day in a long time with no self-imposed or otherwise "must-do-NOW"s. then i noticed french easel had callapsed during the night. not to bad, but patches of thalo blue oil color on the astroturf. worked on it for a while using differant substances. some how i dislodged insulin cannala without knowing it. started feeling bad and when i finally discoved problem, blood sugar was 489. took it very easy allday bringing it back down.

had to present at wilber meeting, really brought out my ADD.
meanwhile check this out:

"May 21, 2003 - A White House Fluent In Language Of Fanatics. I've been racking my brain, trying to reconcile the ever-widening chasm between what the White House claims to be true and what is actually true. After all, we know the president and his men are not stupid. And despite the tidal wave of misinformation pouring out of their mouths, I don't believe they are consciously lying.

"The best explanation I can come up with for the growing gap between their rhetoric and reality is that we are being governed by a gang of out and out fanatics."

from
www.ariannaonline.com

feeling nutty. ragged. blown away. so i took some time out and did this. i feel about the same but maybe i can sleep now.

had a pleasant outing sunday to a potluck at tom and erin's. nice singing by a group of six ladies. harmony. it's great.

the gathering was in a beautiful setting, reminded me of some of the places i've lived in the past. it could have been the rural 40's.

proto-alzheimer's does not permit me to tell you the name of the singing group at the moment.

speaking of the mind, this sliding IQ thing is getting out of hand. i have been working on some kind of visual representation of ken wilber's thought, and i made every mistake in the book, definitely took the long way around the mulberry bush several times. and didn't know it. maybe i need to watch more TV.

yesterday was one of those flat blank days. i did get a lot done on wilber project, but it was drudgery. little oil painting, still don't know what i'm doing with this.

so my question is the universal eternal one, why these black moods and days? can't be mercury in retrograde because it's always in retrograde. i don't think it's contrails in the sky because i've been hiding under the bed. maybe i was born under a bad quasar. or it could be that my aura slipped and is cock-eyed. perhaps a stray muon or two tarnished my cellular DNA. could be i was bad in a former life. or good.

it is possible this old painting i found explains things, but i don't think so:

nothing much to say today. yesterday was a blur. worked all day with ken wilber content, text. haven't spent a day like that since school or workplace. my understanding did increase though, so maybe i should do it more often. usually i just let osmosis do the work. but quite often it leaks.

found one of my first watercolors: here it is:

installing software today. dizzy. gotta turn computer off. but i am finding old images like this one:

moday monday. spent all day transcribing ken wilber notes for mega-pixalated animated song-and-dance series of charts. really hit it hard, flashes of my past buried in some cubical, fingers barely working, a thousand thoughts fighting for primacy in my addled mind. anyway i should be finished inputting text tomorrw - words like "holarchic fulcrum 3 subphase-2 centauric vision-logic pathology".

but i went grocery shopping also, a major accomplishment these days. last few hours i've been tuning er-hu, someone with an ear could probably do it in two minutes.

meanwhile for your delight and delectation, i pulled this out of the "what do i do with this thing now?" heap. started out ages ago as a charcoal drawing:

communication. after 3 hours of sleep - no i was not having fun, just tossing and turning in bed - or twisting in the wind - came across this stuff. it all relates in some way or another to a mega-graphic i'm constructing to explain 800 pages of ken wilber.

the first is about a parrot.

"The fact that these experiments statistically prove that N'kisi's use of speech is not random also gives evidence of his sentience and intentional use of language. Though our work is just beginning, N'kisi has already shown aspects of intelligence that animals were thought to be incapable of, particularly a species that shares so little genetic similarity with humans."
from
Nkisi Project

then this:

"You can trust your audience to infer your full meaning from their knowledge of the situation, taken together with what you actually said."

(if they trust you.)

from
HOW DO WE COMMUNICATE?

and then i wondered into this which i think i will blowup and print and hang on the wall where i can spend hours staring at it. by far the best one of these i've seen, maybe because it relates to human conciousness and not who won a war:

imhoFAQ timeline of knowledge-representation, part 1

ended the evening at a very pleasant gathering of Baba folk, i really needed it.

bill o. from the old days dropped by. he had a tape we recorded here in town maybe '82. real artifact and i realized that once i could play the guitar, at least one evening.

this just in: (thanks tharpa)

"Zoloft is most commonly prescribed for the
treatment of depression and anxiety disorders,
but it would be ridiculous to limit such a
multi-functional drug to these few uses," Pfizer
spokesman Jon Pugh said. "We feel doctors need
to stop asking their patients if anything is wrong
and start asking if anything could be more right."
from
The Onion | Pfizer Launches 'Zoloft For Everything' Ad Campaign

busy day. nice day. restless night. started oil portrait which should be a hoot because it's pretty unknown territory for me. worked a lot on wilber chart. more about this later. i'll put up a link to poetry art ebook later. right now it is 2MB and i want to get size down. visited dave Mc, my old high school teacher. made phone calls trying to straighten out tax problem...yuck.

oh yeah. big breakthrough: discovered tgat the low string on chinese fiddle was tuned down an octive. sometimes life in the manifest world assembles such small delights. conciousness disconnected from the real, we putter till we don't. distracted by hallucination and tone-deaf to boot.

ran across this: i'm afraid it is not parody but true:

"The growing popularity of the World Wide Web is slowly but surely transforming the lives of human beings who are beginning to make the sad transition from being thinkers to becoming "clickers.""
from
From Thinkers to Clickers: The World Wide Web and the Transformation of the Essence of Being Human

finished this one yesterday. started it at the Baba Center and kind of blew it, but feel like i pulled it back from the rejects pile.

saw bobby dylan last nite with richard, debbie, and lots of young people. the concert was just about right for me: no epiphanies, just a nice leisurely performance, comfortable seat, great view, sound very good except bob's voice a little loud and his keyboard mixed way down. the sound and playing of the band was superb. so was bob's singing, i like the way he is using his new old voice. couple of songs i'd not heard before, one i really liked, "things are changing(?)", i think from a movie. his grammy stood on an amp near him. "like a rolling stone" filled me with emotion and memories, the lights sweeping the crowd and making it clear who was being asked "how does it feel?" "blind willie mctell(?)" was really played nicely, a little dark, nostalgic. great evening.

fuzzy mountain
finally finished this watercolor, started it at the center. should finish the 2nd i started there today.

about ready to upload e-book of poems and illustrations. it's been a learning experience.

i've been trying to fix a vacuum cleaner for a week now, throwing in the towel and taking it to professional today. today is drive around town and do errand day. tonight is go to dylan concert and hope for small epiphany (any size will do).

mmmm... so much is happening. or is it?

went to ira's be-day party fri nite, first time out late and downtown in ages. aville continues to evolve and the ambience is certainly there.

if i was in my 20's i would be too.

yesterday i took an unexpected cruise with john r. it was a pleasant sunday to float thru some of the lesser-known (to me) neighborhoods kind of like chapel hill 40 years ago.

and i finally got one of thoses scam emails form africa. it's pretty long but starts like this:

"FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR STRICTEST
CONFIDENTIAL AND TOP SECRETE. YOU WERE INTRODUCED TO ME
FROM SIERRA-LEONE CHANBER OF COMMERCE (FOREIGN
TRADE DIVISION)."

and on and on with the story. but it ends like this:

"PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO REACH ME ON MY
E-MAIL ADDRESS .I MUST APOLOGIZE FOR ANY
INCONVINIENCES THIS MAY CURSE YOU."

this could be the beginning of something new.

up at 6 this morning, took a long early morning walk. trying to establish this as routine because, due to reasons i do not understand, i have over the years developed a real aversion to heat. summer sun. it physically does me in and, maybe even worse, makes me crazy.

still working on poetry e-book. like any set of production hoops you jump thru, the first time is always touch and go, fumbling around, scratching head, occasional outbursts.

reinstalled viavoice which i hope now works. reason behind this is about 100 pages of notes i need to convert to flash, an interactive visual guide to ken wilber's lines, levels, and quadrents. and i can't type (meta-dyslexica).

today's hypothetical activities: finish a failed watercolor, finish another one that might work, and start on an oil portrait - this last is totally foreign territory. also looking for a native chinese speaker who can translate er-hu info i need to understand. angela from new york who i met at the Baba center and is american-chinese was most amused at my pronunciation of this word. i pronounced it as "air-who", which of course is the post-modern hillbilly manner of speaking. but most important of all i have restarted project i let drop a year or so ago: the yo-yo. my goal is to keep two going at once, left and right hand.

just found out that my old friend jim in oak ridge has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. i'm going to take a long walk.

slept 13 hours last night. AM radio left on, low volume, lots of UFO babble. worked on poetry book all day. paid $35 for library audio book that vaporized awhile back.

considering the time and place, this is an interesting piece:
Tripping De-Light Fantastic - Are psychedelic drugs good for you?

i'm back in the saddle again, but ridng very slowly. currently working on 3 books, one my own, one an extended family photo book. i enjoy working with these small b&w very scratched and faded snaphots and bringing them to life. unfortunately very little info on history, anecdotes and history of my dad's generation which was my initial goal.

it's been mostly gloomy and rainy in the wnc mountains, flooding here and there and scattered mudslides. this is my favorite kind of weather, cool, calm, contemplative. once i heard from someone who was suppossed to know - don't remember who exactly - that rainy weather was "spiritual". but i never heard this on the weather channel. for sure it is wet.

my friend tucker fowarded to me a very amusing letter to the govt. from the Appalachian Coalition for Just and Sustainable Communities. it proposed that the govt. attack appalachia because the area needs the same kind of help post-war iraq does. it included the following tag line:

"Throughout the 20th century, small groups of men seized
control of great nations, built armies and arsenals, and set
out to dominate the weak and intimidate the world. In each
case, their ambitions of cruelty and murder had no limit."


George W. Bush, State of the Union Address, January 28, 2003

got back. in a couple of pieces. normal nowadays.

my visit to the center was very intense. i felt things that i have not felt in a long time.

my children and grandchildren in chapel hill all seemed solidly themselves.

i'll be on earth in a few days.

meanwhile here is an updated link to jay kinney's site. gotta fix the one in the left hand column of this page. always a good read.

Jay Kinney's JayKinney.com
"Personally, we are convinced that 9/11/01 marked the entry of
consensual reality into a paranoid abyss curiously resembling a
Philip K. Dick novel."

and what looks like a very interesting site belonging to one of tucker's friends. a topic that our generation seems seems to find both disturbing and fascinating.
THE NEWS DISSECTOR
"MediaChannel.org Site"