.feeling very cranky lately. have a funny feeling about the season to come.

don't forget susan sontag who died yesterday. a totally human being, as real as they come.


i just went into the living enclsure and got one of her books, opened it to this:


"photography implies that we know the world if we accept it as the camera records it. but this is the opposite of understanding, which starts from not accepting the world as it looks."

there's no time to talk. at least it can feel that way. and yet somehow, someway, what we are must express itself - my self.


it takes two to imagine One.

and vice-versa.

back from christmas trip to chapel hill. two nights in camper, not bad, comfortable. saw eli melissa lily nicole doug corbin nathan jen jim doug marcia ludie damien mary ninian.


it is apparent to me that as time bobbles along there is not enough left for those long soul changing talks we all had so long ago. but then it is a case of "been that, done there".


lotta loose ends to tie up. or untie.


the picture above i drew at doug and marsha's sunday nite, colored it when i got back.

and here's a pome i wrote on the road:


the habit hit me hard

when i was on my way

to look inside the telephone,

see what it had to say.



false morning's cobalt glow

melds the patterns in my head

to something i might follow

when i get to hit the bed.



but that was a lifetime ago

left canyons in my mind

space where you can walkabout

even if you're blind.



i never got the call

maybe the lines were down

i was amazed when i woke up

sleepwalking through the empty town.



"the pressure's on" is what they say

but i don't talk a lot.

i'm a maze without a map,

a hero i am not.



unseen patterns in the dark

clear enough to pray

out here we never phone,

there's too much to say.

day after. everything is exactly like it is. the correct time is now.

i'll be under my bed till the dust clears.

i'm living a weird life. today i got up at nine, puttered, a run to the grocery store, been puttering every since.


below is what happens when i putter the day away.

it's an xmas decoration.


maybe it's the weather. big storm coming, dark, flurries. i passed on two gatherings of nice folks who i enjoy being with, just couldn't get out the door. i've been painting (puttering) all day.

sat nite - i've been thru a long 24 hours.


met myria and charley at book ex. in hendersonville. a small start up business located in an alley very reminiscent of chicken alley in aville. about maybe 12 young folks showed up.


well in addition to the amazement one gets when talking to a grown young woman who i last talked to when she was... maybe 10? she sings great, and her originals are very powerful. yow!


it got too late to drive back so i drove to charlie's house and slept in the camper. no problem.


got up about 6 and banged my head in the dark. then drove home.


lot of blood when i looked in the mirror, but not too bad. i just pulled it together with a band-aid. i had left with a run of prints to do, so finished that. but i could not locate my survival kit, a purse like apparatus i carry with me.


lots of phone calls, myria and charles looking. around 11 i got ready to drive back to hville and the thing was in full view in the truck. i had gone out and turned everything upside down looking for it.


so i drove to the ER, 2-3 hours, no stitches required, everything is copecetic and i'm going to bed.

housekeeping. mailing xmas cards which i finally printed. one of the reasons i'm me is because it takes me longer to organize and mail then create them.


mariah (i forget how to spell it), cousin bob's daughter, phoned from hendersonville. i'm going to visit her and her boyfriend tonight. i haven't seen her in... a long time.

tip of the hat to tharpa for pointing to this:
Guardian Unlimited | Life | Mike Purton: Physics and metaphysics: "From then on, irrespective of time and space, a correlation will always exist between them. What happens to one will affect the other - even if they are now at opposite ends of the universe."

really cold today, around 20 degrees. if i had any ambition i'd spend the day learning how to make a "degree" sign that would display correctly over the web.


snow flurries outside. my blood glucose reading was sky high this morning, spent most of the day dealing with it. talk about fatigue definitely a day to stay in bed.

photo from hike i took last week.

it's snowing somewhere. Driving back from winnie's this afternoon, sky bright blue, a few dark clouds in the air, you could see snowflakes darting through the field of view.


when i lived way up in the mountains we called this "blowing snow".


real snow might happen tonight, terminating the absolutely weird string of beautiful sunny weather we have had.


went to the riley's yesterday for Baba folks, everyone played music either in person or on a CD. sure worked for me. later.

another encapsulated day. very raw outside. spent 12 hours wired to the apt. doing everything from vacuuming to stabilizing computer, lotta work on an oil.


in a way it's like being in love, that mad infatuation phase. as long as i'm making something, i feel fine. attention nailed.


but it can also be a little like a workaholic, an avoidance move.


and the new is always now. that is, creation is always now.


gee, i never thought i'd be mouthing one of america's mottos: "there's no time like the present."

the wreck of the annibelle lee


had big plans for today. got a walk in of computer time chasing weirdness which somehow was coming from additional layer styles i tried off a magazine cd-rom. visited tom and cathy in their new home.


ok here are the big plans: go to UU NRP - no partners required - from 7 to 8, then zip downtown for black mountain collage beatnik event.


it got dark, i got wobbly, so just me and jeopardy.

yesterday was another beautiful day, heat off in house, windows open etc. i managed a successful run into town and back to, of all places, office depot. little traffic, quick in & out, the way i like it.


last nite i went o see preview of play american dream by edward albee. "preview" = dress rehearsal.


the theatre is problematic with me. attending a theatrical production, my attention is drawn to the humans on stage, their stage personas.


as far as the story goes, the narrative, i usually do not get caught up in it. there is some kind of narrative flow, or maybe context, that doesn't register much with me.


this is not new, but i've only recently become aware of it.


in collage, i had the pleasure of standing back stage during la traviata. yeah i know, it's an opera, but at that point in my life i was a big opera fan. during the deathbed scene in the final act i was maybe 15 feet from the diva, an import from the met whose name i cannot remember.


anyway it was the moment i remember, and that moment was free-standing, ie i was not necessarily aware of what led up to it in terms of plot.


a play is a series of moments, and i enjoyed seeing american dream. but as far as what happened, why it happened, and most importantly what it meant all i have is a few faint glimmers in the distance.


here's an interesting site where you can kill some time on a rainy day listening to the backward messages from various rock songs, all of which you are familiar with:

Backmask Online - Your Backmasking Source

beautiful december day today, i guess all up and down the east coast. no heat necessary last night; this morning opened the windows. tee-shirt weather.


after lunch i will drive to tunnel road where the giant malls live and try to slip in and out of officeMax. timing could be better, but maybe i'll get lucky and come back untraumatized.


going to edward abbey play tonight with janice whom i haven't seen since travis's funeral. it will be interesting to see how i experience theatre. in the past i have not been too good at this.

last nite in bed with AM radio babbling low, i happened to hear mike savage. for those of you unfamiliar with the underbelly of radioland, he is one of the worst of the neocon ranters. he had clips of the dylan interview on 60 minutes and spent a good 30 minutes playing them. he was fascinated with dylan's voice. "alpha male" voice he called it. he opined that with a man with a voice like that he could sit down and enjoy a few beers and conversation.


it was fascinating to hear him talk like this, obviously unacquainted with bob's work except thru the cultural grapevine. i was with a group of the no-longer-young the other day when the subject came up and all expressed amusement at the burned out singing voice he uses today.


me, i'm with mr savage.

been looking thru some old notebooks - actually looking for a drawing i did at some point to use for xmas card. as usual found a lot of stuff, pictures and more text than i recall. here is an example: (and still have not found notebook)



"alexander octopus

when i was just a kid

don't remember much

but remember once i did



moving down the highway

old and in whose way

another talent called for

another world holds sway




not fishing for a doctor

cause there ain't no cure

now is always new

so have some fun with fear




old friends die

and new friends live

i guess it only matters

if there's something left to give"





more amusment & delight:



broadband:

Anime Popeye (at Camp Chaos)




Yahoo! News - Is ours a virtual reality? British scientists think deep thoughts

woke up late, around 9, and made it to the UU church by 10, where i joined a group of about 12 on a hike, it was a beautiful day, and we drove to somewhere past brevard, then up through some part of the pisgah forest.


i had found a roll of unexposed film the day before so took it and a point and shoot.


the group was a pleasure to be with and i only fell into water one half times.


if i did everything tomorrow that i'm supposed to the day would be way too long so i probably won't make the friend's meeting at 10.

a cyberdoodle because i don't have a lot to say.


saw "sideways" yesterday. i thought i was going to see movie about che guevera's youthful travels. i didn't care for "sideways", sort of a napa valley woody allen thing featuring 2 yuppie couples. i just couldn't get interested in their lives. the male lead did portray depression pretty well.

daily altzheimer's test: can i remember what i did today?


worked on a couple of color prints, ongoing. took care of some billz & laundry. got mike's manuscript back to him, it was fun to read. returned it at writers weekly group meeting, about 20-25 very serious people. got frame for picture i will send to ludie. finished 2 color wheels, one for watercolor, one for oils. based on 2 different theories, just doing them clarified some things. made 2 phone calls concerning medication.


did i remember everything? don't know because of course i can't remember if i forgot anything. "by definition" as someone once said, i forget who.


oh yes, i located the battery in quadra 650, and assembled tools to get to it. i'll do it in the morning.


the sufi term zikr means "remembrance" i learned recently.


remember apple? they made computers?


TechWeb | News | Unprotected PCs Fall To Hacker Bots In Just Four Minutes | Nov. 30, 2004: "The lifespan of a poorly protected PC connected to the Internet is a mere four minutes, research released Tuesday claimed. After that, it's owned by a hacker."