well i screwed up and seem to have lost 2 weeks of recent posts.

no harm done: i can't remember them myself.

i guess it is time i got serious about existing for the kosmos. after all, "it" does the same for me.

so i'll change my bumper sticker.

had a dream last night, something that i very rarely have anymore, or don't know that i do if i do. a lady and i were dancing, some kind of slow square dance, side by side and facing differant directions, rotating and slowly rising above the surface of the ground,one arm around each other's waist. don't remeber any music or others dancing. we were in a field checking out a complicated rube goldberg homemade mechanism whose purpose was to irrigate a pea patch. must have been early spring, plants had just broken ground. the mecanism to push water was powered by pedeling it as if it were a bicycle.

does the dream mean anything? i doubt it. does experiencing the dream mean anything? probably. but i not only don't know what, i don't know what by definition. intersection of the human and something not knowable by the human. clues and signs, broken symbols and bones, a vast dark - of course - plain littered with confusion, an unknown topography criss-crossed with impossible purpose or lack of purpose.

another day.

[gremlin note: just lost the most recent 4 weeks of posts; trying to get them back.]

i thought i'd have new spiffy site up by now but realised yesterday there was no way. as pseudo-prez bush says "it's hard work". i am so anxious to retire this site i may get new version up anyway up anyway, leaving in about a week for the west so i am jammed up.

on reflection i realize this is not a new condition.

so i'll try posting for a few weeks more. maybe i can come up with something to say.

been working on a 6 minute video that is starting to come together.

a paradox: the longer you live the shorter life life is. all the pain, joy, suffering, confusion, good times, bad times: blip.

a little more time and i'll filp new version of this blog out there. that means here.
but until i do i'm stuck w/ daily early morning posts. (it's how i wake up every morning - type while still asleep.

this morning i have something to say, about the word/idea of "change".

change means something new. unless it is a "change back", and even then it is new.

a change can be better or worse than what exists before the change. like the word "progress" it has acquired an implicit tone of better. ("progress" originally meant a musical harmonic progression.)

it seems to me that things will change because they always do. but what kind of change is key.

so the political brand of change doesn't mean much. what will be changed, how it will be changed can be meaningful.

to further tangle the meme "change", it has been entangled with the idea of constancy. one of the presidential debates recently had everyone involved saying that they were change agent and opponents had in the past changed their positions on this that or the other. for the last four years this has been called "flip-flopping".

so we the voters are presented with miasma of meaning which translates into any change of mind in the past is a negative but the idea of change is a positive. i won't even get into the false dichotomy of "experience' being the antonym of "change".

all of this is no more than this week's infomercial designed to entertain and divert attention from rational discourse.

it was a quick winter. snow is melting, warm weather on the way.

no picture today. in my spare time i have been working with editing a 6 minute movie and it might get finished today. i jumped in am and still splashing around.

going to join the local access station WUAR and get my hands on some hardware to do another one. someday.

am almost finished reading the border by maccartney. the second book of all the pretty horses trilogy (haven't read the first and last). this book belongs up there with the oddessy and dante's inferno IMHO.

now for what i have been dreading: a task given to me by my spiritual adviser, the hole in the wall, a list of the ten things i learned during 2007.

don't buy a camper shell one half i9nch shorter than truck bed.

every world is new by definition.

the last ten years of life are meant for experiencing a sort of happiness. there is nothing else left.

primary injunction is to know yourself.

this means becoming yourself.

this is ongoing, there is no terminating point.

once the word "idiot" meant a person who was not in a relationship with the community, sangha. now it means the opposite.

the mental world is not lost when it has become a train wreck.

reality cannot be measured, seen, or understood.

it can be accepted as mystery.

it snowed last night. very cold today and colder tonight.

last night, no flash no tripod. easy evening with tom erin richard debbie. back in bed asleep when the ball dropped. i wonder if it bounced. and i'm glad the balloon didn't go up. yet.