home. arrived yesterday evening. another year over, another on the way, my world has become reduced to friends and family, i don't know what's happening "out there". never did.

day after xmas. posting so vast throngs of modernpeasants out there - or here - know i'm all right and it's all good.

beautiful drive down the mountains yesterday, saw everything with new eyes so to speak.

spent yesterday and last night at eli & melissa's, good company, everything moves slow and clear enough to be just what it is, and it is a blessing. good times.

new philipk. dick link by his children, a few passages from the exigisis. looks like it will access a lot of new materials.
from
Philip K. Dick - Science Fiction Author - Official Site

my friend jill is watching me post this. what fun!

and here is picture i found yesterday, maybe 25 years old:

if less is more, least is most. almost.

somebody once told me not to stay too long in the formless realm. and believe me, i haven't. i don't think it is accurate to say "it's a nice place to visit but i wouldn't want to live there". unless, of course, you have (lived there).

my life is a doodle (from the verb "to do").

we are all vaporware.

ludicrous meanderings of a man who's been around. and round.

already all ready. (k. wilber)

you've always got to be prepared, but never know for what. (b. dylan)

mind must go. (just about everybody, sooner or later)

what does a catapiller dream about?

man oh man. i got a relaxed day coming up this very day. no deadlines. no post offices. no highways. of course i do have a truck that insists on turning on it's parking lights in the middle of the night & running the battery down, but that's pretty run of the mill these days.

i'm sure many of you have been receiving these scam spam emails involving bank transfers. i got one this morning that i find intriguing because the scammer has a whole new way to find me; check out the last sentence:

Good day,

It is my humble pleasure to write this letter irrespective of the fact
that you do not know me. However, I came to know of you in my private
search for a reliable and trustworthy person that can handle a
confidential transaction of this nature in respect of this, I got your
contact through an uprooted search on the internet.

it's comforting to know that i am in the uprooted catagory, restores my faith in search engines.

otherwise what's happening in the bunker? drifting back to watercolor. finishing wilber appendix "D" of his new stuff after a long layoff. somewhere in there he addresses the correlation between stages of different streams which has always puzzled me.

and if the stars line up precisely in the right configuration, biorhythms intersect appropriately and i can get past the front door i'll get a haircut.

a couple of notes:

the photo i mentioned yesterday:

and the eagle koran thing from the day before; this is chapter 9 verse 11:

The Koran: "[9.11] But if they repent and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, they are your brethren in faith; and We make the communications clear for a people who know."

"Thank God Saddam is finally back in American hands! He must have really missed us. Man, he sure looked bad! But, at least he got a free dental exam today. That's something most Americans can't get.

America used to like Saddam. We loved Saddam. We funded him. We armed him. We helped him gas Iranian troops."
from
AlterNet: We Finally Got Our Frankenstein

the big enchilada. question is, now that that is that, has anything changed?

well yes, kind of like when a biz deal goes sour. the picture from the 80's of rumsfield shaking hands w/ saddam is a wonderful artifact. how quickly we forget. in fact quicklier and quicklier.

bush's folks don't lie, they just keep changing the storyline. but it doesn't create a problem because we like it that way. novelty wins, and anyway we forget what it was the punchline was last week.

what does it mean for the democrats? nothing because their problem remains the same: breaking thru the captive lingo to communicate straight-on with millions of people at the same time while shaking the burden of a thousand layers of commentary that deaden the meaning in a matter of seconds (literally) in the 24 hour news cycle.

another tip of the hat to tucker for this dubious email. i guess it is floating around the net. personally, sitting here at the keyboard, i'll bet 5 to 1 that this is not accurate. i'll let you know.
----------------------------
> >THE EAGLE SOARS
> >
> >This is something to think about!! Since America is typically represented
> >by an eagle.... Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages... The
> >following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible)
> >
> >Koran Verse 9 : 11
> >For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The
> >wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo,
> >while some of the people trembled in despair, still more rejoiced; for
the
> >wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.
> >
> >Note the verse number!
>

got this email today. thanks tucker.

----------------------------------------------------

How you corporate types might want to plan for your XMAS "holiday Party" as per this case study

FROM: xxxx xxxx, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 01, 2003

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

xxxx xxxx





FROM: xxxx xxxx, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 02, 2003

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

xxxx xxxx


FROM: xxxx xxxx, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees

DATE: October 03, 2003

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.



FROM: xxxx xxxx, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: October 04, 2003

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from

The dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

xxxx xxxx


FROM: xxxx xxxx, Human Resources Director

TO: All You Bastard Employees

DATE: October 05, 2003

RE: The Frikking Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your frikking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!


FROM: yyy yyy, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 06, 2003

RE: xxxx xxxx and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing xxxx xxxx a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

wed. afternoon about 2. gloomy, steady drizzle to downpour. left the house at 10 and just got back, 2 doctor appointments and a number of errands in between.

i think i've got a bad case of the xmas blues. maybe it peaked yesterday, a day i really should have stayed in bed.

noticed an article in the nation, American Apocalypse, that i'd like to check out. brought home fixed ideas: america since 9.11 by joan didion. if either of these 2 reads (or any other) can even semi-lucidly describe today real congratulations are in order.

i think for this is that language has split into 2 modes, one "official" and the the other what is left of the personal.

the domain of the "official" - printed word, books, tv, magazines, sweatshirts - cannot describe what is outside of it's domain.

and the landscape of today inhabited by most of us, i believe, is a very strained and uncomfortable place because it includes less and less of the "personal".

man i had a terrible day. everything i tried to do immediately got confused, broken, or impossible. everything! it was like a disharmonic convergence. bad stars. wormholes.

i'm hoping that somehow i got a lot of this out of the way today, so i can coast for a few years. i think jung said when a man wakes up in a dark mood it's the amina knocking. could be i guess. and the world might be a troublesome place that day.

anyway i want to write a novel via email. paragraph at a time. i want to do this with a couple of interested folks. we could toss paragraphs at each other & see what happens. anyone interested?

finished today. not me, the picture. well, maybe me too. everything seems very still.

is about all i have to say. hunkered down for the holidays. taste of extreme winter, but just a taste.

many years ago i lived in the smokies at about 4500 feet. the first winter was a real learning experience. at that time there usually was a shift in the weather about the 3rd or 4th week of december. it was like a rheostat being turned down a couple of notches. bam!

in other news, it turns out that there is no political solution to the problem of politics. the solution lies in another domain, that of heart to heart dialogue.

sounds of cracling doom: it's 12:30 at night, way past my bedtime, and i'm still reverbing away. moderation may be a good thing (dipso facto goldwater '63), but the tenor of the times seem to dictate the all or nothing mode. either sit around trying to remember how to think in the dull late afternoon light, or be a maniac and devote all available synapses to the question on question creation asks.

the picture above: a few weeks ago my daughter nicole gave me a few things she had rounded up in her mom's house - sally passed away a little less than two years ago.

among these things was an old beat up colorado driver's license of the person i was then. license was issued 1970.

i'm not clear on a lot of memories but i remember getting this license. it was in pitkin county colorado, the county seat of of which is aspen. i worked on a weekly newspaper located in the basement of the hotel jerome. to get my license renewed i walked a block to the county courthouse one winter afternoon and ended up in a small basement room, i think the walls were stone, with an officer who took the picture, and hunter thompson, who was there for the same thing i was. this was about 4 months after he had narrowly lost the election for sherrif, and was, i suppose, one of those high-water marks you can see after the flood.

we were both very happy to get our new driver's license, and i am happy to have found it.

but as far as who is who when he is you, i don't know if it is the dance of the memes or the unraveling of the world(view), or the geologic accumulation of experience age brings, but that is a question for someone else.

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another beautiful cyber-graffitti, done in a fit of hopelessness and uselessness. of course these aren't bad things, they're just unpleasant. they can be dismissed, ignored, transcended, but not denied. smashing and crashing into samsara can leave one kind of... subdued.

spent all day on one errand, two watercolors, hours tuning stringed instruments, and trying to finesse Peak, a digital audio mastering app.

big storm acomin', from drizzle to sleet to snow to ice. it's expected tonight. i'm totally stocked up with stuff, and what i don't have i won't use. might just sit in a chair all day and contemplate, see if i can feed something back to the witness, mr. conciousness with a capital "see". somewhere there is a seer who is not a subject, who sees all. including probably you and me trying to see backwards into the vacuum of his eyes.

oh-oh, bobby d. just weasled in. i seem to be picking up muted epiphanies from all points of the compess, and they all leave me with that feeling that i have forgotten something important. and i have. i forgot who i am when i'm not me.

suffering and pain can be a corrective to this misalignment of identity. luckily there is plenty to go around.

we will all be vacating the premises soon. bittersweet. nostolgia for the radience of true life. row row row your boat.

read it -

The New York Review of Books: The Awful Truth:
"September 11, Krugman writes, actually helped the President execute 'the largest bait-and-switch operation in history"

then go look at the clouds. notice that funny one in the corner of the sky, sort of looks like a smug elephant?